Tag Archives: Lucien Laviscount

Celebrity Big Brother: Oh, Lucien

“I just hope my parents are proud of me,” says Lucien Laviscount, gazing at the camera with the serene confidence of one whose parents have been proud of him since he was in the womb. I don’t actually know anything about Lucien’s family background, but his general demeanour would certainly indicate a boy who’s been brought up surrounded by love and support.

But there are things a teenage lad is supposed to get up to ideally without his parents watching. These include cack-handed chat-up attempts, unconvincing efforts to look like a regular and seasoned smoker, chasing anything female and with a pulse, and mildly drunken behaviour generally. He’s not done anything especially wrong in the Big Brother house (apart from that cringingly misjudged quip to Tara during their meal together), he’s just being a normal lad – but it’s all a bit embarrassing with several million viewers watching. I can’t help thinking that, if I was his parent, I’d be prouder of his work on Corrie and Waterloo Road.

Posted by PLA          (more Big Brother here)

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Celebrity Big Brother: Kindergarten clots

I can see why pretty-boy model Bobby Sabel has flipped, and most amusingly, on Celebrity Big Brother and started spouting Truths to camera. All the other housemates are like children? Yes they are. Kerry Katona a nice person, but a moron nonetheless? Yes indeed. Suddenly he’s become a lot more fun. I feel too old for this CBB and am still a bit of a butterfly viewer. Jedward and Kerry Katona were the only people I’d heard of, well apart from Sally Bercow, but none of them were people I particularly had an interest in watching. Not like the year Germaine Greer walked in the house in a steely grey dress (not that she managed to stay for very long).

I still have no idea who Darryn weird hair/bizarre sixpack implant ‘Paparazzi’ Lyons is. I’m vaguely aware of My Big Fat Gipsy Wedding, but only remember vast pink fairy light lit dresses, not the formidably hard looking Paddy Doherty, a man who talks about ‘servicing’ his wife as a substitute for any housework (although to be fair, when he spoke to her and their daughter on the phone in the diary room on their anniversary, he was very tender with them). And I’d seen The Only Way is Essex once, so I’d heard of Amy and her vajazzling technique (from which she’s been dropped as the ‘face of’ I read here). Having been brought up in a household where saying ‘fart’ brought a stern telling off for mentioning bodily functions, I quite enjoy her straightforward attitude to bodies and sex, with frequent references to her ‘ninny’. Paddy doesn’t quite embrace this openness tho’, and his face was a picture when she was patiently explaining to him what a ‘camel-toe’ was. Afterwards he told the other lads that women ‘just shouldn’t talk like that’. I’m guessing Mrs Doherty’s ninny only comes out to be ‘serviced’.

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Celebrity Big Brother: Bedding in

Daaaay One, and what are we learning about our captive band of zelebs?

1. Jedward’s “people” really know how to pack a suitcase. The amount of clothes that unfurled from those Pandora’s boxes on wheels! Jackets that lit up, more shoes featuring animals than you ever knew existed, enough sequins to decorate a Liberace memorial event (note to younger readers: google). I loved the way Jedward gleefully spread their clothes everywhere and showed them off to anyone who was passing. I love the way they do everything together, and are being treated as one entity: “Jedward are runnin’ themselves a bubble bath,” says Marcus Bentley, sounding like Jimmy Nail on Mogadon while describing possibly one of the campest things ever seen on British television.

2. Sally Bercow is not as much fun as she would like to us think she is. All it’s taken is a nomination from Kerry “Fck a Duck” Katona, and she’s gone all bitter, twisted and needy. Oh well. At least she isn’t sitting around in her pants demanding Diet Coke.

3. Lucien can’t understand Amy – it’s a north/south divide type thing. Amy doesn’t “get” Lucien’s sense of humour, whereas Kerry (also northern) apparently does. All I’ve managed to pick up re Lucien’s sense of humour is  that he doesn’t like being compared to Marvin off of JLS, but has no problem about being compared to Lewis Hamilton.

4. Sally thinks that Paddy’s presence in the house will correct the nation’s misconceptions of gypsies. Paddy thinks a woman’s place is doing the washing up in return for being “serviced” by a man occasionally. My misconceptions are being shattered by the minute.

5. Bobby the stubbly jeans model has no discernible personality whatsoever.

6. Amy has met the Hoff. “The Huff?” repeated The Hoff’s former wife, Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff, not understanding who it was that Amy had met. “Hoff,” repeated Amy. “The Hoff. Your Hoff.” “Ahhh…” replied Mrs Bach-Hoff. “I called him David.” Well, yes, you probably would. We never discovered what Amy’s impression of the great man had been.

Posted by PLA          (more Big Brother here)

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Celebrity Big Brother: The wonderful thing about Tiggers

Big Brother is back on our screen, and summer can officially begin! A tad late, obviously. And it was pouring down. But the sound of Marcus Bentley’s voice and the Paul Oakenfold theme tune made me feel like reaching for the sunnies and the factor 30.

No Davina, of course. She’s been replaced by an Irish, male version of herself. Brian Dowling gave a fairly poised performance for his first live show – it must be a fiendishly difficult job for even an old hand like Davina, what with the crowds, the rain and having to wrangle a parade of egos on heels along a catwalk and up a set of stairs in the allotted time. I thought he did very well, even if he did sound a bit wooden occasionally and looked downright scared when Mrs Hasselhoff kept clinging onto him from different directions.

The biggest non-surprise of the night was Jedward – people had even come equipped with “We Heart Jedward” banners. I quite heart Jedward, too, in the sense that they’re madder than two boxes of frogs and they are the last thing you’d want to wake up to – which is why they’ll be perfect housemates, from a viewer perspective. I’d love them just for their Tigger jackets and panda shoes, and I can’t wait to see what their hair looks like under normal circumstances.  Continue reading

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Waterloo Road: And the bride wore handcuffs

(Series 6, Ep.20) Another term almost over, and head teacher Karen Fisher sat back in her chair to reflect just how well the term had gone. Both her daughters, Bex and Jess, had been saved from the clutches of a nasty pornographer and son Harry seems to be over his own “issues;” the teacher who’d been caught having an affair with one of her pupils was safely on bail and awaiting trial (and motherhood); Tom Clarkson is healing nicely and is over his agoraphobia; a nasty racist incident was swiftly dealt with; Waterloo Road’s first openly gay couple are doing very well; no-one died; and, most importantly, exam results are improving, single sex classes are working, and there’s the end-of-term gender-bending pantomime to look forward to!

You could forgive her for cracking open a Bacardi Breezer and toasting a job well done, but, as devoted Waterloo Road watchers will know, the end of term is not the time to relax. It tends to be the time when Something Dreadful Happens.

It usually happens in front of a visiting dignitary as well, so perhaps it was a mistake inviting the chair of governors along to the panto. It was certainly a mistake casting Kyle Stack as Cinderfella. He may have all the dance moves (how Holly Kenny kept a straight face when George Sampson was required to execute a “seductive” body-popping routine in front of her I don’t know), but his greatest skill is in winding up Finn Sharkey. Hence the panto didn’t go at all to plan, what with Finn and Kyle going toe-to-toe over the lovely Sambuca, Kyle being dumped from the production and Sam going all “you’re not a real man” at understudy Finn during the actual performance, when she was meant to be falling for the blinged-up prince.

Jonah (you didn’t think I’d forgotten him, did you?) used the panto chaos to escape from the school and rendezvous with Cesca to head for a wedding at Gretna Green. Chris Mead almost managed to stop them, but Cesca persuaded him to wait a crucial few minutes before calling the police: “We love each other and we want to be together – is that so wrong?” “Technically, yes,” said Chris, wearing his best sorrowful “Don’t do dis” expression. Continue reading

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Waterloo Road: Cesca and Jonah – the secret is out!

(Series 6, Ep.19) The thing with Jonah Kirby is, one minute he looks like quite a plausible boyfriend for a 20-something year old teacher (saving her from scary dogs, being a lovely shoulder to cry on after a hard day, being ever so supportive generally and a bit of a hunk). Then the next minute he’s kicking a football against the wall, or scrapping with his mates, and he’s just a seventeen year-old schoolboy again.

The Jonah/Cesca romance has been interesting in that it’s seemed to be a perfectly mutual, completely genuine thing – no coercion, no power games, just a mature young man and an immature older woman getting together against the odds. Proper Romeo and Juliet stuff. Except that we knew it couldn’t last, and we knew that Cesca was very much in the wrong in letting her heart rule her head and take her into a taboo relationship with someone who was supposed to be in her care. “No-one was hurt!” she protested to Karen after everything unravelled this week. On the contrary, Karen told her, Jonah has been hurt.

He only started to understand the extent of this in this episode, as he realised that taking his girlfriend on cosy camping trips with his dad and his sister is never likely to be an option. That he may never have the glittering career that everyone predicted for Waterloo Road’s star pupil as he has to leave school early and get a McJob to support his imminent offspring. Ronan told him that Cesca looks like a woman who appreciates the finer things in life and wouldn’t find life on the dole with Jonah all that attractive. Though PLA Jr pointed out that Cesca’s mobile phone is rubbish so maybe she’s willing to settle for reduced circumstances after all.

So, considering they’ve been ever so discreet and only ever had sex in cupboards and the art room in broad daylight, how did the secret romance become public knowledge? Well, it was mainly due to that famous lack of discretion, and Chris Mead having a diploma in body language. He can spot the difference between people discussing Spanish homework and a lovers’ tiff even through a fire door. Add this to Jonah’s odd behaviour generally, and Cesca’s shock resignation (she told Karen her father had had a heart attack and she was going back to Spain, when in fact she was bound for Gretna Green and a quickie wedding with Rochdale’s most eligible schoolboy). Chris got the final proof he needed when Cesca fell off a ladder and went to hospital for a check-up, and Chris pulled back the cubicle curtain to find her in a clinch with Jonah, and after that it was a short step to Jonah’s father and the police being called and Karen wearing her very best “I’m so disappointed in you” expression (though she always seems to be smiling at the same time, which undermines it somewhat). Continue reading

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Waterloo Road: The Ronan Burley collection

(Series 6, Ep.18) It was nice to see attention shift away from the Fisher family and on to one of my favourite Waterloo Road characters, the magnificent Ronan Burley. I love Ronan. He’s a cheeky chancer, always looking for a money-making opportunity (which quite often fails) and he’s a show-off, witness his marvellous striptease in the school uniform debate. But he also has a more serious side – facing up to his bullying criminal of a father, or being responsible about contraception.

This week Ronan showed a flair for makeup and fashion design, in a bid to capture the heart of Vicky McDonald. Ok, so she snogged him last week, but this week an apparently more tempting prize appeared in the form of Ronan’s work mentor Dan, played by hunky Will Mellor. A series of misunderstandings, mainly by Vicky and Adanna Lawal, who is turning out to be every bit as pious as Pious Kim Campbell, led to Dan being accused of taking advantage of a schoolgirl. Dan, however, said quite firmly that he “doesn’t date children,” which makes him quite rare among the adult population of Waterloo Road these days.

While Dan had been busy entertaining Vicky with an innocent pizza and a glass of wine (Wine? During a school day? Dan hadn’t wanted to appear “tight” when Vicky said she always liked a glass of wine with her lunch), Ronan was back at school fashioning a piece of haute couture out of a tartan picnic blanket. He wanted Vicky to have something to wear for the fashion show, little realising that she was already wearing a nasty-looking red halter-neck frock that Dan had given her. Ronan’s blanket dress was actually quite stylish, and I expect Stella McCartney was sitting at home with her sketchpad on her knee, scribbling away furtively.

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