Casualty: Beauchamp is back

(Series 28, ep.31) Connie Beauchamp (Amanda Mealing, as if that needed saying) made her much anticipated return to Holby City hospital last night – albeit via the ED entrance in Cardiff rather than the Wyvern Wing entrance in Borehamwood.

She was accorded the traditional “foxy female” arrival – a taxi door opens and we see killer heels, legs clad in trousers that say “I’m here to do business – but in style,” then the full gloriousness of Connie and her new, longer hair.

She was accorded many a “Phwoar”-type glance from any male she passed and a “who is that fabulous woman?” glance from the women. The wardrobe department had also given her the most figure-flattering set of scrubs ever seen in the NHS.

The scrubs were part of the reason why I didn’t feel quite relaxed with this Casualty debut, though. I’m used to Connie only wearing scrubs in theatre. The rest of the time she’s supposed to wear something stylish and perfectly accessorised and swan from bed to bed dispensing “Let’s just wait for the test results, shall we?” brisk kindliness to the patients and snappy “Why am I still waiting for those test results?” to junior doctors and nurses.  

Casualty: Think of me as your complacency monitor

(Series 26, Ep.6) Now we have an explanation for all those times (like last week) when Charlie hasn’t been around. He hasn’t been indulging in a new passion for golf or train spotting or looking after adorable granddaughter Megan. He’s been running a drugs clinic with Nurse Linda. He’s passionate about it, as well. Even though we didn’t know previously that it even existed, this week we had to believe it was a vital service to the community. And we did believe it, because Charlie believes it and he’s the Sincerest Man on Television.

It’s hard to justify the expense in a cash-strapped NHS hospital, though. In case we weren’t aware of the issues, Jay and Scarlett had a concisely-scripted debate about the pros and cons of providing drugs to addicts in a clinical setting. One of the cons has got to be when a psycho holds a syringe to your throat and says he’s going to turn you into a “very unhappy bunny” if you don’t give him all the drugs. This happened to Charlie, so Linda gave the psycho all the drugs. Then poor old guest star Tina O’Brien, finding she couldn’t get drugs from Charlie’s officially approved source, went to a man who had them. The psycho.

Waterloo Road: The Ronan Burley collection

(Series 6, Ep.18) It was nice to see attention shift away from the Fisher family and on to one of my favourite Waterloo Road characters, the magnificent Ronan Burley. I love Ronan. He’s a cheeky chancer, always looking for a money-making opportunity (which quite often fails) and he’s a show-off, witness his marvellous striptease in the school uniform debate. But he also has a more serious side – facing up to his bullying criminal of a father, or being responsible about contraception.

This week Ronan showed a flair for makeup and fashion design, in a bid to capture the heart of Vicky McDonald. Ok, so she snogged him last week, but this week an apparently more tempting prize appeared in the form of Ronan’s work mentor Dan, played by hunky Will Mellor. A series of misunderstandings, mainly by Vicky and Adanna Lawal, who is turning out to be every bit as pious as Pious Kim Campbell, led to Dan being accused of taking advantage of a schoolgirl. Dan, however, said quite firmly that he “doesn’t date children,” which makes him quite rare among the adult population of Waterloo Road these days.

While Dan had been busy entertaining Vicky with an innocent pizza and a glass of wine (Wine? During a school day? Dan hadn’t wanted to appear “tight” when Vicky said she always liked a glass of wine with her lunch), Ronan was back at school fashioning a piece of haute couture out of a tartan picnic blanket. He wanted Vicky to have something to wear for the fashion show, little realising that she was already wearing a nasty-looking red halter-neck frock that Dan had given her. Ronan’s blanket dress was actually quite stylish, and I expect Stella McCartney was sitting at home with her sketchpad on her knee, scribbling away furtively.

Waterloo Road: But we’ve both been so careful!

(Series 6, Ep.17) Remember what first made Spanish teacher Cesca Montoya notice schoolboy Jonah Kirby in the romantic sense? It was when he rescued her from Kyle Stack’s nasty Rottweiler. “Hola,” you could see her thinking. “He’s all buff and brave and tall and dependable-looking and serene and dazzlingly smiley and that. ¡Ay, caramba!”

What didn’t seem to be uppermost in her mind, or just fleetingly anyway, was that she’s his teacher, he’s her pupil, so basically you just don’t go there (although of course Waterloo Road has already gone there several times, what with Davina and Brett and Chris Mead and Jess). Also she didn’t factor in that, despite appearances, he’s still ever so young.

This week, Cesca started looking a bit peaky in the mornings, and you know what that means. A pregnancy test confirmed that she is, indeed, pregnant with Jonah’s baby. Kids having kids, as Jeremy Kyle would tut. Because he’s ever so young and crazy in love, Jonah thinks this is all brilliant news, and he can’t wait to find himself a job and leave school and start changing nappies, and he really can’t wait to get very drunk indeed and almost tell all his mates everything.

Luckily (or not), the scene of this drunken behaviour (and I must add that Jonah is totally adorable when drunk) was an illicit warehouse party organised by Ronan and Finn, with the express motive of getting Vicky McDonald to snog Ronan. It was successful in that respect, anyway, but went a bit pear-shaped when some dodgy blokes who owned the vodka that had been conveniently left lying around turned up and demanded compensation. Despite them looking like proper hard men, they were no match for Tom Clarkson, who has recovered from his post traumatic agoraphobia and is now perfectly capable of taking on any amount of thugs if they’re threatening Our Josh and his boyfriend.

Meanwhile, the Bex/Hodge/Jess storyline finally resolved (thank the lord). When Jess went off in Hodge’s car to see Bex, Karen and Chris Mead failed to follow them, but then Hodge got nasty and made Jess wear totally the wrong shade of lipstick for her colouring, so Bex texted the address to her mum. When Chris and Karen turned up, Jess was there but Bex and Hodge had gone. They’d only gone as far as a nearby bridge, where they were fairly easy for Karen to spot from a window, given that Hodge was hauling Bex along by her hair. Luckily a bridge is an excellent spot to form a pincer movement with police at both ends of the bridge, and the evil Hodge was finally captured. Hopefully now Bex will be able to get back to school and getting those all-important qualifications.

Several points to notice: (a) Ruth Kirby is back, having mysteriously disappeared for several episodes. Let’s hope she’ll be able to knock some of her famous common sense into her big brother. (b) Finn Sharkey and Sambuca Kelly split up and got back together again, and (c) Finn looks very good in beads. (d) The party was in broad daylight, but what do I know about young people and their ways, or indeed about the problems of night-time filming which may make filming in daytime so much easier.

Next time: Ronan in false eyelashes. A treat, I’m sure you’ll agree.

Posted by PLA              (more Waterloo Road here)

Waterloo Road: This week’s sexist

(Series 6, Ep.16) You thought Kyle Stack was a little toe rag? Ladies and gentlemen, please meet Wayne Bodley (an impressively slimy Qasim Akhtar). Actually, ladies, you may not want to bother, since Wayne is a snivelling sexist pig. And the gentlemen may not want to bother either, for the same reason, and because Wayne is unlikely to be seen again as he seems to be this week’s one-episode wonder.

Wayne’s presence at Waterloo Road was mainly so what Bex got up to during her “lost weekend” could be spectacularly revealed. Part of Wayne’s activities as a snivelling sexist pig involve him having lots of unsuitable material on his phone, and this included a video of Bex. The bits we saw were obviously fairly innocuous, but we were given to believe that it was certainly not the sort of thing you’d want your mum, sister, little brother and the rest of the school seeing. And of course that’s exactly what happened.

Every cloud has a silver lining, though, and at least the truth coming out meant that Karen could stand by her daughter (after emoting a bit over Tom Clarkson), and Bex’s empowering speech at the Head Pupil hustings got her duly elected. To be fair the competition was poor: Ronan Burley, standing on a manifesto of bribery (with torches that didn’t work), stepped out of the contest early to give Jonah Kirby a better chance. He even printed out some leaflets with Jonah looking all buff. But Jonah was too distracted by the double burden of being in love with Ms Montoya, and having to wear a double-breasted cardigan.

Sadly Bex won’t be taking up her post, as she’s gone off with that nasty Hodge again. This is because Hodge, having slept with Bex’s sister Jess last week, now has compromising footage of Jess, which he was prepared to put on the internet if Bex didn’t go back to him. But Hodge reckoned without the cunning of Jess, who has finally worked out that the nice man who takes her to hotels and refuses to meet her family (alarm bells ringing, anyone?) is none other than the Hodge who has been threatening her sister. Hodge can expect the combined wrath of a whole load of Fisher folk descending on him… eventually.

It was a better week for Sambuca Kelly. According to PLA Jr, Sambuca is officially the luckiest girl on Waterloo Road, because she’s previously snogged Bolton Smiley, and this week got to snog Finn Sharkey. Finn has swerved from bad boy to being quite the gentleman since Kyle Stack arrived, but it took Sam a little while to notice this. Her mates had spotted that Sam had a love/hate attitude to Finn, and they proved that Tom Clarkson’s educational efforts have not been in vain by using Shakespeare to illustrate their point. “Beatrice always gurs on about how much she hates Benedict,” said Lauren.

Next time: Who’s the daddy? Is it that lad in the double-breasted cardigan? Uh-oh.

Posted by PLA               (more Waterloo Road here)

Waterloo Road: Karen Fisher – thick or what?

(Series 6, Ep.15) The thing about headmistress Karen Fisher is that she doesn’t listen. People (her family, mainly) start to tell her things, important things, and she changes the subject, cuts them off, thinks they’re talking about something else. She’s completely preoccupied with her own stuff, and those around her suffer. So this week the person who probably suffers most of all, son Harry, took it upon himself to cause a bit of mayhem by taking her phone and using it to send messages to her colleagues at the school. By lucky coincidence – or else he’s a Machiavellian genius – his emails were all perfectly designed to unsettle their recipients. For example Ms Montoya received an ominous note telling her that a grave matter had come to Karen’s attention. Cesca naturally thought this must mean her relationship with Jonah had been rumbled – unthinkable, as they’re so discreet. No-one will notice anything as long as it occurs in the bike shed, the art room that is always mysteriously empty, or the cleaning cupboard. Actually, since they only had a caretaker for a day, and they don’t seem to have school cleaners, there’s probably not a lot of use for that cleaning cupboard.

The messages Ruby Fry and others got had them so upset that Grantly Budgen summoned a union rep, and it was all a good chance for people to tell Karen what they thought of her. Everything got sorted out eventually, and Karen and Harry had a mother/son bonding moment on the stairs and went out for that classic peace-making snack, the pizza.

Meanwhile, as Karen sorted out the problems of her youngest child, middle child Jess was checking into a hotel room with the sleazy Hodge, who is using her to get at sister Bex. It’s going to take more than a pizza to sort that lot out.

The plan of segregating boys and girls in lessons is not going well, with the boys falling even further behind. Even a cunning scheme to motivate the boys by getting a local businessman in to run a kind of Dragons Den workshop ended in humiliation for Kyle Stack and a small invasion by the girls, led by Sambuca Kelly, who were angry that they’d been left out. Sadly the best invention they could come up with was a dating website. I know it’s worked well for Sarah Beeny, but honestly, girls, there’s more to life than romance, particularly when Jonah Kirby is already taken, Bolton Smiley has left, Josh Stevenson is gay and Kyle Stack is thick and unpleasant. That only leaves a choice of Ronan Burley and Finn Sharkey, and even if they concentrate full-time on romance it’s not going to be enough to keep a dating site busy.

Grantly Budgen and Ruby Fry went on a date, in the sense that they arranged to have lunch together and Grantly said “It’s a date,” as you do. But when Janeece told Ruby that she thought Grantly fancied her, Ruby went all awkward and made a huge point of telling Grantly how much she loved her husband and how she soooooo wasn’t looking for a relationship. After her little racist blip last week, Ruby was back on form, and I hope that this little double-act with Grantly keeps going because it’s very funny.

Next time: We find out what Bex did in her two-year lost weekend when pictures are discovered on the internet. And she wasn’t backpacking in Thailand.

Posted by PLA                     (more Waterloo Road here)

Waterloo Road: Standing up for Dave

(Series 6, Ep.14) This week Waterloo Road tackled the issue of racism. But it wasn’t the rather laboured “Polish people stealing British jobs” theme that got Twitter all-a-twitter last night. It was the relationship between Cesca and Jonah, which “went to the next level.” Yes, Jonah started the episode a boy and ended it a man, thanks to the very special private tuition of his lovely Spanish teacher. And, since Jonah is more of a man than most of the men in Waterloo Road, has Lewis Hamilton’s hair and a smile that could (and does) light up Rochdale, you can’t really blame her. Except you can, because she’s a teacher and he’s a pupil. It can’t end well and it’s wrong, I tell you. Wrong. But they do make a beautiful couple.

Meanwhile, who’s this “Dave” in the title? It’s one Dave Dowling, father to Waterloo Road student Martin Dowling, who is friends with Kyle Stack. When Dave loses out on the job of school caretaker to better-qualified and better-looking Polish person Lukas, he goes into British Bulldog mode and inspires his son and Kyle to “stand up for Dave” by being horrible to Lukas. Frankly it was all a tad heavy-handed and went back to the bad old days of series 5 when a random character was parachuted in for an episode to illuminate an “issue.” Ruby Fry took time off from her embryonic romance with Grantly Budgen (they’ve done An Inspector Calls, and now he’s taking her to Oklahoma! because she likes her theatre to involve showtunes) to add to the racism row by tending to agree that Eastern Europeans shouldn’t be taking “our” jobs. But of course our Ruby is not a “real” racist, just a decent sort who’s occasionally a tad right wing. Apparently.

Chris Mead was in charge while Karen was away (is Amanda Burton working part-time on this series?) and he got it all sorted out eventually.

While all this was going on, Ronan Burley (who has ingratiated himself into school office life by implementing a brilliant filing concept – alphabetical order. Stunning.) was happily photocopying test papers and selling them to people due to sit the test. Janeece, however, is far smarter than Ronan gives her credit for, and got Grantly Budgen to change the test. There’s nothing Ronan likes less than handing out refunds to disgruntled customers.

We still don’t know what went on between Bex and Hodge, but she told Jess it wasn’t prostitution, so that narrows it down. Hodge was not best pleased when Bex threw all the money he gave her off the roof of a shopping centre, but now he’s turned his attention to Jess. Eeek!

And Tom Clarkson is suffering from post-traumatic agoraphobia after being punched by Joe McIntyre from Corrie. Poor Josh is at his wit’s end, but at least Nate is standing by his man.

Next time: Sambuca Kelly is back! And she’s trouble!

Posted by PLA          (more Waterloo Road here)

Waterloo Road: It’s back – the school that puts the fun into dysfunctional

(Series 6, Ep.11) Waterloo Road is back, in all its barking mad, brilliant, award-winning splendour. And, as usual at the start of (half) term, there are some new faces.

Pious Kim Campbell has been replaced by one Adanna Lawal (Sharlene Whyte). She’s suitably qualified for the job of head of pastoral care, as she was previously head of the Dumping Ground in Tracy Beaker, so she knows a thing or two about problem kids. She’s not pious like Kim, but she’s every bit as stubborn and enjoys contradicting and undermining Karen Fisher and Chris Mead.

Discipline, Janeece-style

This week she was attempting to undermine their latest Controversial New Initiative, which was single-sex classes. In this she was warmly supported by Ruby Fry, who can’t maintain discipline at the best of times and only managed to control a class of year 8 boys by drafting in the splendid Janeece to shout at them in their own language.

Ruby’s pre-Janeece attempt to interest a class of boys in cookery went disastrously wrong when a fight broke out between new boy Kyle Stack (Britain’s Got Talent winner George Sampson) and last year’s bad boy Finn Sharkey. As it all descended into a food fight, Ruby tried to make the boys stay and clear up the mess, but they headed for the exit anyway as soon as the bell went. “Come here!” Ruby shouted, uselessly tugging at her flowery (and floury) apron. “You’re all RUBBISH!”

In a programme which has been outstanding for the quality of its young actors, George Sampson absolutely holds his own. Kyle is the archetypal misunderstood, dragged-up loser who’s fallen through the cracks of every system. “School’s no use for the job I want,” he says. What is the job he wants? “Drug dealing,” he reckons, though you sense a lot of it is bluster and there’s a sensitive kid underneath. This is confirmed when his beloved Rottweiler Manic is taken away to be destroyed, after Kyle uses him to scare Karen’s daughter Bex, who has falsely accused him of sexually assaulting her. His little face when they took the dog away was so sad – if they ever want to remake Kes, they need go no further than George Sampson for the Billy Casper role.

On the subject of Bex (Sarah-Lou from Corrie), it was her first day back at school following her two year “lost weekend” when no-one knew where she was.  And she was getting mysterious texts, phone calls and flower deliveries from someone called “Hodge,” which was making her really upset. As usual, Karen failed to notice what was going on with her daughter. Karen calls this “giving her the space she needs.” When finally forced to acknowledge that something was wrong apart from back-to-school nerves, Karen sat Bex down for a mother-daughter chat, but Bex refused to say anything about when she was missing. “If I told you, you’d never want to see me again,” she said. But it looks like it will all come out anyway before series end, as a mysterious stranger was lurking in the darkness outside the Fisher home.

Other hints of storylines to come came from Jonah rescuing Spanish teacher Ms Montoya from the nasty dog. There’s definitely a frisson between these two (Ms Montoya and Jonah, not Ms Montoya and the dog).

And Lovely Josh Stevenson would appear to have a new gay mate whose name is Nate. Finn’s not going to be happy.

Posted by PLA              (more Waterloo Road here)

Waterloo Road: Home is where the heart is

(Series 6, Ep.10) The end of a half term on Waterloo Road, and the school was busy with a fund-raising day. Raffles, dressing up, falafel-eating contests – you know the kind of thing.

Grantly Budgen wasn’t getting into the spirit. Not because he’s Grantly and therefore a miserable old git who wouldn’t give you the steam off his tea, but because he had to face a sad decision. His lovely wife Fleur needed more care than he could provide, and even though he’d promised her he’d never put her in a home, it was the only choice. Luckily for Grantly he had Steph Haydock and Ruby Fry to support him, but he’s a proud man and when he discovered that he couldn’t afford the home’s fees he took the drastic step of trying to burn his house down to get the insurance money. Steph discovered this in time, and he’s looking at a singed duvet rather than a spell in Strangeways for arson.

Meanwhile Ruth Kirby had found out that Grantly had been teaching his A level students the wrong syllabus. Grantly’s career was on the line, until Steph told Karen about Fleur, and Karen managed to sort out Grantly and his finances in about thirty seconds flat. And when legendary footballer John Barnes turned up to let himself be raffled (there was real fear in his eyes when he was won by Steph Haydock) he promised to double the funds the school had raised on the fund-raising day, and Karen suggested giving it to Grantly. Hurrah!

While this was going on, last week’s shady hooded figure was still lurking around, and of course turned out to be Karen’s long-lost daughter Bex. Jess discovered her sister lurking in the kitchen at home. Even though they don’t much look alike, Jess and Bex are really convincing as sisters, and Tina O’Brien and Linzey Cocker really acted their scenes well, showing all the conflicting emotions of the reunion. Bex said she wasn’t staying, and when Karen returned to her office at the end of the day to find Jess looking upset, it seemed as if Bex had done a runner again. “Something’s happened,” Jess said, and glanced past Karen’s shoulder, making Karen turn to find her eldest daughter standing behind her.

So – end of half term report. Overall, much better than series 5, largely thanks to having some strong story arcs throughout the ten episodes. The Fisher family have been a great addition, and I’ve enjoyed the balance between the storylines of the older cast members and the younger ones. It still manages to bring important and relevant storylines up (such as the one about the morning after pill), with characters you really care about and some fantastic acting so that you don’t really mind that you sometimes have to stretch credibility to breaking point.

Posted by PLA              (more Waterloo Road here)

 

Strictly: new series high-kicks off

Well this is going to be fun. Viewers of every age, gender and sexual orientation should have something or someone to keep them entertained. The dancing celebs only got paired off last night, but I can tell already it’s going to be an amusing series.

What’s good so far?

• Opinionated Tory Catholic Ann ‘I’m not actually holding a whip right now but I’ve got one in my bag if you don’t behave’ Widdicombe, who said of herself ‘I’m the pantomime act’. Clearly not planning to wear high heels, but sporting an excellent flicky new haircut. Seeing her paired off with Anton du Beke was priceless. That’ll teach him for Hole in the Wall and thoughtless racism
• For the enjoyment of sports lovers – Peter bloody Shilton. And Gavin Henson, looking exactly like a Chippendale made into a Ken doll and wondering out loud if it’s all going to be ‘too arousing’
• Paul Daniels partnered with the gorgeous Ola with (I’m guessing) the somewhat long suffering Debbie McGee watching
• I’m not sure what to make of Pamela Stephenson deciding to be on it, but she’s gorgeous and since her lovely hubby Billy Connolly is watching, it’s double royalty as far as I’m concerned 
• Seeing the woman with the most adored bottom of the 1970s, The Good Life’s Barbara, Felicity Kendal looking minxy as hell
• Patsy Kensit!
• The stupendous Craig Revel Horwood already sharpening his claws and getting his tongue ready to drip acid
• Some rather hot new dancers have joined the mix, including one from High School Musical who is partnering Corrie’s Tina O’Brien

And we haven’t even mentioned Goldie, Michelle Williams and Matt Baker. The only downside so far, why isn’t the ever adorable Ian Waite partnering anyone this year?

Posted by Inkface