Waterloo Road: Somewhere only we know

Has Waterloo Road got the most clueless teachers in the country? I don’t mean Grantley Budgen and Steph Haydock – we always knew they were useless, and they never really pretend to be otherwise.

This week Deputy Head Chris Mead was spectacularly useless. Everyone else in Finn Sharkey’s year was on work experience, but Finn hadn’t managed to get the paperwork signed by his parents. This is, as we know (but the teachers don’t) because his parents are away somewhere and Finn is generally Home Alone.

Anyway, Rachel had the bright idea of letting Finn do his work experience in the school, by assigning him as a classroom assistant to work with Chris. Chris and Finn have history, and Finn knows exactly which of Chris’s buttons to press. But how someone got to be a deputy head teacher with so little grasp of how to control a classroom, and so little ability to keep his own feelings under control, I have no idea.

Chris has other things on his plate anyway. His dad (Billy Corkhill from Brookside) has only gone and left his wife and taken up with that strumpet Steph Haydock. This led Chris to have an amusing fight with his dad in the school corridor, in front of Steph and Finn. “High kicks and girly slaps,” Steph sneered. “You’re worse than the kids.”

Is it any wonder that Finn has zero respect for Chris and spent the rest of the day leading mutinies in the classroom and doing graffiti in the staff room?

Last year’s bad boy, Bolton Smiley, has been a reformed character recently, but he almost got into trouble when visiting Sambuca Kelly at the sportswear shop she’s doing her work experience in. Sam fancies Bolton (and you can see her point) so she tried to impress him by stuffing an expensive pair of shorts in his bag. When he tried to leave and triggered the security alarm, he and Sam managed to get away. There was a nice little scene on a canal bank, where Sam talked about how hard it was growing up in the chaotic Kelly family (what with her mother being an alcoholic dinner lady, Earl being in prison and Marley never being mentioned any more). They had a sweet little kiss, but as soon as they were back at school Bolton went off with his friend Paul and had to pretend to be tough and macho again.

Ros McCain is supposed to be going out with Philip, the oldest schoolboy in the north (he must be at least 35), but her thoughts have started straying elsewhere. Ros is Waterloo Road’s great hope for Oxbridge, and is being mentored by French teacher Jo Lipsett. What with being a French teacher, a lesbian, and having a very weird haircut, we can safely assume that Jo is sophisticated and thrilling. Ros thinks so, anyway, and has taken to gazing adoringly at her mentor. Jo seems to be a more clued-up teacher than most of them, so we’ll see how she deals with her star pupil having a crush on her.

She could take advice from Rachel, who is like crush central, as far as men are concerned. Healthy Food guru Adam Fleet is the latest to fall under her dazzling spell. He wants her to have more fun, which he provided this week via the medium of popcorn and a DVD. Steady on there, pleasure-seekers.

Next week: Waterloo Road tackles the thorny issue of “legal highs.” They should perhaps have a look at the cookery teacher’s recent online activity first…

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One response to “Waterloo Road: Somewhere only we know

  1. shona marie lewis

    Bolton is so fit