Celebrity Big Brother: Bedding in

Daaaay One, and what are we learning about our captive band of zelebs?

1. Jedward’s “people” really know how to pack a suitcase. The amount of clothes that unfurled from those Pandora’s boxes on wheels! Jackets that lit up, more shoes featuring animals than you ever knew existed, enough sequins to decorate a Liberace memorial event (note to younger readers: google). I loved the way Jedward gleefully spread their clothes everywhere and showed them off to anyone who was passing. I love the way they do everything together, and are being treated as one entity: “Jedward are runnin’ themselves a bubble bath,” says Marcus Bentley, sounding like Jimmy Nail on Mogadon while describing possibly one of the campest things ever seen on British television.

2. Sally Bercow is not as much fun as she would like to us think she is. All it’s taken is a nomination from Kerry “Fck a Duck” Katona, and she’s gone all bitter, twisted and needy. Oh well. At least she isn’t sitting around in her pants demanding Diet Coke.

3. Lucien can’t understand Amy – it’s a north/south divide type thing. Amy doesn’t “get” Lucien’s sense of humour, whereas Kerry (also northern) apparently does. All I’ve managed to pick up re Lucien’s sense of humour is  that he doesn’t like being compared to Marvin off of JLS, but has no problem about being compared to Lewis Hamilton.

4. Sally thinks that Paddy’s presence in the house will correct the nation’s misconceptions of gypsies. Paddy thinks a woman’s place is doing the washing up in return for being “serviced” by a man occasionally. My misconceptions are being shattered by the minute.

5. Bobby the stubbly jeans model has no discernible personality whatsoever.

6. Amy has met the Hoff. “The Huff?” repeated The Hoff’s former wife, Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff, not understanding who it was that Amy had met. “Hoff,” repeated Amy. “The Hoff. Your Hoff.” “Ahhh…” replied Mrs Bach-Hoff. “I called him David.” Well, yes, you probably would. We never discovered what Amy’s impression of the great man had been.

Posted by PLA          (more Big Brother here)


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4 responses to “Celebrity Big Brother: Bedding in

  1. inkface

    This is definitely a show I’m enjoying more from your commentary than through watching it. Kerry Katona just scares me, she’s so lacking in anything solid in her core. Jedward are, as you rightly say, amazing to watch, like a bubble gum candy floss Gilbert & George. I do like Amy, so far.

  2. I managed about ten minutes – enough to see Kerry’s rubbish attempts to win the ‘diva’ competition and that bizarre Hoff-Huff conversation. I think I may stick to ‘enjoying’ CBB via the medium of PLA’s blogs. And watching the Jedward highlights on YouTube.

  3. Paul

    I think this is a fine review, except for the part in note three where you seem to suggest that Essex is in the north!

    • pauseliveaction

      No no no, bonny lad. I’m a northern lass and would never make that mistake. Lucien, being a Lancastrian born and bred, is from the north. Essex is most certainly in the south. Hence, it’s a north (Lucien)/south (Amy) divide.