Tag Archives: marcus bentley

Celebrity Big Brother: Who stays? Bobby sweats it out

Marcus Bentley just can’t throw his Geordie thang behind “Who STAYS?” the way he used to with “Who GOOOOOOO-ES?” Apart from that, Our Marcus appears to be having fun on the new, Channel 5 version of Celebrity Big Brother. His commentary has gone all cheeky, and of course this is helped no end by having Jedward to comment on. “Jedward have found a canny way of heating up beans,” has been one of my favourites so far, as we saw the aforementioned duo nomming baked beans straight from the can – in the sauna.

I’m looking forward to seeing how Brian Dowling handles his first eviction night. I’m hoping he gets a bit more critical with the evictees than Davina “You were a fantastic housemate!” McCall sometimes did. But who will he be getting critical with? Will it be Kerry “I can’t fart without it being bottled and sold by the press” Katona (whom we discovered on Shooting Stars this week may or may not be a cat owner)? Will it be Sally “Bedsheet” Bercow? Or Bobby “I sweat in your drinking water” Sabel?

The Digital Spy forums, so often a reliable guide in troubled times, suggest there’s a strong swell of support for Sally, and Bobby will most likely go. After being almost totally anonymous at the beginning, he belatedly realised that you have to give the people something to vote for apart from bland good looks. So he opted for ranting at mirrors and having a negative opinion about almost everybody else. For a very brief while, this was quite amusing, albeit a tad transparent. Then it went too far when he sat in the sauna and dripped sweat in a container of liquid to be poured into Darryn’s mouth. Now, I’m no Darryn fan, but what Bobby did was just revolting. When he apologised later, Darryn took his apology with great dignity, which shows who is the better man.

Will Brian call Bobby out on Sweatgate? We’ll have to see.  But Bobby won’t be missed.

Meanwhile – how precious are John and Edward? I find them absolutely adorable. That little scene where Tara was crying and they cheered her up with a bit of gentle teasing and a bunch of flowers, it was a beautiful sight to see. They judged the situation just right. They’re never down, they don’t get bored, they keep people laughing and they seem to be genuinely kind, caring boys. Ok, they can be a tad too high spirited sometimes, but it’s a fair trade-off for the energy and fun that they bring to the house.

Posted by PLA          (more Big Brother posts here)

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Celebrity Big Brother: Kindergarten clots

I can see why pretty-boy model Bobby Sabel has flipped, and most amusingly, on Celebrity Big Brother and started spouting Truths to camera. All the other housemates are like children? Yes they are. Kerry Katona a nice person, but a moron nonetheless? Yes indeed. Suddenly he’s become a lot more fun. I feel too old for this CBB and am still a bit of a butterfly viewer. Jedward and Kerry Katona were the only people I’d heard of, well apart from Sally Bercow, but none of them were people I particularly had an interest in watching. Not like the year Germaine Greer walked in the house in a steely grey dress (not that she managed to stay for very long).

I still have no idea who Darryn weird hair/bizarre sixpack implant ‘Paparazzi’ Lyons is. I’m vaguely aware of My Big Fat Gipsy Wedding, but only remember vast pink fairy light lit dresses, not the formidably hard looking Paddy Doherty, a man who talks about ‘servicing’ his wife as a substitute for any housework (although to be fair, when he spoke to her and their daughter on the phone in the diary room on their anniversary, he was very tender with them). And I’d seen The Only Way is Essex once, so I’d heard of Amy and her vajazzling technique (from which she’s been dropped as the ‘face of’ I read here). Having been brought up in a household where saying ‘fart’ brought a stern telling off for mentioning bodily functions, I quite enjoy her straightforward attitude to bodies and sex, with frequent references to her ‘ninny’. Paddy doesn’t quite embrace this openness tho’, and his face was a picture when she was patiently explaining to him what a ‘camel-toe’ was. Afterwards he told the other lads that women ‘just shouldn’t talk like that’. I’m guessing Mrs Doherty’s ninny only comes out to be ‘serviced’.

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Celebrity Big Brother: The wonderful thing about Tiggers

Big Brother is back on our screen, and summer can officially begin! A tad late, obviously. And it was pouring down. But the sound of Marcus Bentley’s voice and the Paul Oakenfold theme tune made me feel like reaching for the sunnies and the factor 30.

No Davina, of course. She’s been replaced by an Irish, male version of herself. Brian Dowling gave a fairly poised performance for his first live show – it must be a fiendishly difficult job for even an old hand like Davina, what with the crowds, the rain and having to wrangle a parade of egos on heels along a catwalk and up a set of stairs in the allotted time. I thought he did very well, even if he did sound a bit wooden occasionally and looked downright scared when Mrs Hasselhoff kept clinging onto him from different directions.

The biggest non-surprise of the night was Jedward – people had even come equipped with “We Heart Jedward” banners. I quite heart Jedward, too, in the sense that they’re madder than two boxes of frogs and they are the last thing you’d want to wake up to – which is why they’ll be perfect housemates, from a viewer perspective. I’d love them just for their Tigger jackets and panda shoes, and I can’t wait to see what their hair looks like under normal circumstances.  Continue reading


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Celebrity Big Brother: Last legs

The people who think up the tasks and organise the props for them must have had a laugh when they came up with this one. Say the next bit in Marcus Bentley’s amusingly über-Geordie accent: “The Big Brother house has been turned into the Last Legs nursing home for retired celebrities.” Oh, the delicious post-modernist thingy of it all.

Stephanie and Ivana, the only bona-fide pensioners in the house, have to pretend to be care assistants for the others, who are all wearing bonnets and sensible slippers and tottering around on Zimmer frames. They must sit on high-backed chairs, watching Countdown and waiting for Ivana and Stephanie to puree their meals.

Sov (whom Heidi amusingly thinks is called Suave) isn’t taking this well, and has been stamping around the house and garden in an angsty, low-blood-sugar strop. Meanwhile Jonas is spending his twilight years pondering the beautiful love affair that blossomed like a rare and beautiful orchid and crumbled to dust in his hand, as the object of his affections plods past him in an oversized furry hat reeking of Marlboro Lights.

Stephen Baldwin has become strangely paranoid, considering the Man Upstairs has his back. Possibly it’s because of all the drugs he consumed before he found the Lord. He thinks Nicola is evil incarnate, and she’s out to get him, following their earlier disagreement about nominations. Bless her, she doesn’t seem to have the brain power or concentration span to be an evil schemer.

It’s still all strangely subdued and low-key. We’ve had no big stand-up scraps like Tina Malone v Coolio, no Vanessa Feltz-style celebrity meltdowns, no George Galloway “cat” moments. It seems Big Brother really is on its last legs.

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Big Brother moves house

big-brother-chairChannel 4 has confirmed that next year will be their last ever Big Brother. They plan to spend the £50 million they save on teen-pleasers like Skins and edgy stuff like Red Riding, apparently, so we’ll see how that works out.

But BB fans with a Sky box needn’t despair, as Endemol will be touting their baby around, and ITV, Five and Sky 1 are apparently all having a think about whether to acquire the rights. I do hope they acquire Marcus Bentley at the same time, because BB wouldn’t be the same without his increasingly bizarre  and exaggeratedly Geordie “DAAAAyyyyyyy nine’y five!” And Paul Oakenfold’s theme tune – for me, it’s the sound of summer.

Meanwhile, on last night’s BB, it all kicked off when Siavash once again decided not to vote. He says because he wants to “go op” and not be given a free ride to the final. Rodrigo thinks if you sign a contract you have to stick by it (plus Siavash’s non-vote was a vote for Charlie, and Rodrigo couldn’t be doing without his snuggle-bunny in the final week of the show). Charlie himself got in a right rage at Siavash and threw his behaviour with Noirin back in his face – he’d betrayed both his girlfriend and his “best mate” (that would be Marcus), thus proving that he couldn’t be trusted.

Charlie has been looking tense and sad in the last few days, and I can relate to why. The show is nearing an end, and it’s like the feeling you get at the end of a holiday when you’ve had a holiday romance. You hope that things will be the same in the “real” world, but you can’t help worrying…

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