Celebrity Big Brother: Kindergarten clots

I can see why pretty-boy model Bobby Sabel has flipped, and most amusingly, on Celebrity Big Brother and started spouting Truths to camera. All the other housemates are like children? Yes they are. Kerry Katona a nice person, but a moron nonetheless? Yes indeed. Suddenly he’s become a lot more fun. I feel too old for this CBB and am still a bit of a butterfly viewer. Jedward and Kerry Katona were the only people I’d heard of, well apart from Sally Bercow, but none of them were people I particularly had an interest in watching. Not like the year Germaine Greer walked in the house in a steely grey dress (not that she managed to stay for very long).

I still have no idea who Darryn weird hair/bizarre sixpack implant ‘Paparazzi’ Lyons is. I’m vaguely aware of My Big Fat Gipsy Wedding, but only remember vast pink fairy light lit dresses, not the formidably hard looking Paddy Doherty, a man who talks about ‘servicing’ his wife as a substitute for any housework (although to be fair, when he spoke to her and their daughter on the phone in the diary room on their anniversary, he was very tender with them). And I’d seen The Only Way is Essex once, so I’d heard of Amy and her vajazzling technique (from which she’s been dropped as the ‘face of’ I read here). Having been brought up in a household where saying ‘fart’ brought a stern telling off for mentioning bodily functions, I quite enjoy her straightforward attitude to bodies and sex, with frequent references to her ‘ninny’. Paddy doesn’t quite embrace this openness tho’, and his face was a picture when she was patiently explaining to him what a ‘camel-toe’ was. Afterwards he told the other lads that women ‘just shouldn’t talk like that’. I’m guessing Mrs Doherty’s ninny only comes out to be ‘serviced’.

Then we’ve got Jedward. They are eternally cheerful and entertaining to watch, and I’m aware that Pauseliveaction is very fond of the boys. They were indeed sweet and kind to a weeping Tara last night. But I’m not keen on her either, what with the namedropping (admittedly vastly less so than the ex Mrs of ‘The Hoff’, Pamela ‘Caesar dressing on my meat’ Bach) and crying about her dog. But if I had to share a house with Jedward where they dropped coleslaw tubs and left the mess for someone else to clear up, or used up all my shampoo, I’d scalp the pair of them.

I’m not entirely sure Channel 5 has quite got to grips with Celebrity Big Brother. The house is so perpetually scuzzy I swear I can smell damp, slimey cack and cheap carpeting. There’s something overall a bit lacking and a bit sleazy about it, but not in a good way. I’m slightly entertained. But it lacks proper juicy/properly mad celebs and therefore I fear no ‘mad dog Jackie Stallone facing Brigitte Nielsen’ moment or George Galloway/Rula Lenska cat role play moments.

Posted by Inkface          (more Big Brother here)

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