Tag Archives: jedward

Celebrity Big Brother: Who stays? Bobby sweats it out

Marcus Bentley just can’t throw his Geordie thang behind “Who STAYS?” the way he used to with “Who GOOOOOOO-ES?” Apart from that, Our Marcus appears to be having fun on the new, Channel 5 version of Celebrity Big Brother. His commentary has gone all cheeky, and of course this is helped no end by having Jedward to comment on. “Jedward have found a canny way of heating up beans,” has been one of my favourites so far, as we saw the aforementioned duo nomming baked beans straight from the can – in the sauna.

I’m looking forward to seeing how Brian Dowling handles his first eviction night. I’m hoping he gets a bit more critical with the evictees than Davina “You were a fantastic housemate!” McCall sometimes did. But who will he be getting critical with? Will it be Kerry “I can’t fart without it being bottled and sold by the press” Katona (whom we discovered on Shooting Stars this week may or may not be a cat owner)? Will it be Sally “Bedsheet” Bercow? Or Bobby “I sweat in your drinking water” Sabel?

The Digital Spy forums, so often a reliable guide in troubled times, suggest there’s a strong swell of support for Sally, and Bobby will most likely go. After being almost totally anonymous at the beginning, he belatedly realised that you have to give the people something to vote for apart from bland good looks. So he opted for ranting at mirrors and having a negative opinion about almost everybody else. For a very brief while, this was quite amusing, albeit a tad transparent. Then it went too far when he sat in the sauna and dripped sweat in a container of liquid to be poured into Darryn’s mouth. Now, I’m no Darryn fan, but what Bobby did was just revolting. When he apologised later, Darryn took his apology with great dignity, which shows who is the better man.

Will Brian call Bobby out on Sweatgate? We’ll have to see.  But Bobby won’t be missed.

Meanwhile – how precious are John and Edward? I find them absolutely adorable. That little scene where Tara was crying and they cheered her up with a bit of gentle teasing and a bunch of flowers, it was a beautiful sight to see. They judged the situation just right. They’re never down, they don’t get bored, they keep people laughing and they seem to be genuinely kind, caring boys. Ok, they can be a tad too high spirited sometimes, but it’s a fair trade-off for the energy and fun that they bring to the house.

Posted by PLA          (more Big Brother posts here)

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Celebrity Big Brother: Kindergarten clots

I can see why pretty-boy model Bobby Sabel has flipped, and most amusingly, on Celebrity Big Brother and started spouting Truths to camera. All the other housemates are like children? Yes they are. Kerry Katona a nice person, but a moron nonetheless? Yes indeed. Suddenly he’s become a lot more fun. I feel too old for this CBB and am still a bit of a butterfly viewer. Jedward and Kerry Katona were the only people I’d heard of, well apart from Sally Bercow, but none of them were people I particularly had an interest in watching. Not like the year Germaine Greer walked in the house in a steely grey dress (not that she managed to stay for very long).

I still have no idea who Darryn weird hair/bizarre sixpack implant ‘Paparazzi’ Lyons is. I’m vaguely aware of My Big Fat Gipsy Wedding, but only remember vast pink fairy light lit dresses, not the formidably hard looking Paddy Doherty, a man who talks about ‘servicing’ his wife as a substitute for any housework (although to be fair, when he spoke to her and their daughter on the phone in the diary room on their anniversary, he was very tender with them). And I’d seen The Only Way is Essex once, so I’d heard of Amy and her vajazzling technique (from which she’s been dropped as the ‘face of’ I read here). Having been brought up in a household where saying ‘fart’ brought a stern telling off for mentioning bodily functions, I quite enjoy her straightforward attitude to bodies and sex, with frequent references to her ‘ninny’. Paddy doesn’t quite embrace this openness tho’, and his face was a picture when she was patiently explaining to him what a ‘camel-toe’ was. Afterwards he told the other lads that women ‘just shouldn’t talk like that’. I’m guessing Mrs Doherty’s ninny only comes out to be ‘serviced’.

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Celebrity Big Brother: Bedding in

Daaaay One, and what are we learning about our captive band of zelebs?

1. Jedward’s “people” really know how to pack a suitcase. The amount of clothes that unfurled from those Pandora’s boxes on wheels! Jackets that lit up, more shoes featuring animals than you ever knew existed, enough sequins to decorate a Liberace memorial event (note to younger readers: google). I loved the way Jedward gleefully spread their clothes everywhere and showed them off to anyone who was passing. I love the way they do everything together, and are being treated as one entity: “Jedward are runnin’ themselves a bubble bath,” says Marcus Bentley, sounding like Jimmy Nail on Mogadon while describing possibly one of the campest things ever seen on British television.

2. Sally Bercow is not as much fun as she would like to us think she is. All it’s taken is a nomination from Kerry “Fck a Duck” Katona, and she’s gone all bitter, twisted and needy. Oh well. At least she isn’t sitting around in her pants demanding Diet Coke.

3. Lucien can’t understand Amy – it’s a north/south divide type thing. Amy doesn’t “get” Lucien’s sense of humour, whereas Kerry (also northern) apparently does. All I’ve managed to pick up re Lucien’s sense of humour is  that he doesn’t like being compared to Marvin off of JLS, but has no problem about being compared to Lewis Hamilton.

4. Sally thinks that Paddy’s presence in the house will correct the nation’s misconceptions of gypsies. Paddy thinks a woman’s place is doing the washing up in return for being “serviced” by a man occasionally. My misconceptions are being shattered by the minute.

5. Bobby the stubbly jeans model has no discernible personality whatsoever.

6. Amy has met the Hoff. “The Huff?” repeated The Hoff’s former wife, Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff, not understanding who it was that Amy had met. “Hoff,” repeated Amy. “The Hoff. Your Hoff.” “Ahhh…” replied Mrs Bach-Hoff. “I called him David.” Well, yes, you probably would. We never discovered what Amy’s impression of the great man had been.

Posted by PLA          (more Big Brother here)


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Celebrity Big Brother: The wonderful thing about Tiggers

Big Brother is back on our screen, and summer can officially begin! A tad late, obviously. And it was pouring down. But the sound of Marcus Bentley’s voice and the Paul Oakenfold theme tune made me feel like reaching for the sunnies and the factor 30.

No Davina, of course. She’s been replaced by an Irish, male version of herself. Brian Dowling gave a fairly poised performance for his first live show – it must be a fiendishly difficult job for even an old hand like Davina, what with the crowds, the rain and having to wrangle a parade of egos on heels along a catwalk and up a set of stairs in the allotted time. I thought he did very well, even if he did sound a bit wooden occasionally and looked downright scared when Mrs Hasselhoff kept clinging onto him from different directions.

The biggest non-surprise of the night was Jedward – people had even come equipped with “We Heart Jedward” banners. I quite heart Jedward, too, in the sense that they’re madder than two boxes of frogs and they are the last thing you’d want to wake up to – which is why they’ll be perfect housemates, from a viewer perspective. I’d love them just for their Tigger jackets and panda shoes, and I can’t wait to see what their hair looks like under normal circumstances.  Continue reading


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Eurovision 2011: A spotter’s guide for Saturday night

Willkommen meine Freunde. If you missed the Eurovision semi-finals (or if you’re just after a good wallow in Eurovision mud) please read on for our official Spotter’s Guide to help sustain you through Saturday night’s show.

  • UK: Blue. The song’s okay – we might get a decent mid-table ranking – but please god don’t let them speak. Duncan is my mid-life crisis crush until he opens his mouth to say things like: “It’s the craziest thing I think we’ve ever been a part of.  It’s like some big crazy Eurovision bubble filled with, like, crazy Eurovision people…” And let’s not get onto Lee and his stray comment about smoking that he and Sara Cox managed to make ten times worse with their blethering.
  • France/Spain/Italy: We only got snippets of the other four automatic qualifiers, but France seems a bit operatic, Spain – nice and bouncy and Italy’s all jazzy.
  • Germany: Last year’s winner Lena is back, but without a song as catchy as the one that brought the competition to Dusseldorf.
  • Serbia: Have you ever wondered what Serbian Motown would sound like? Wonder no more, but don’t forget to press the red button for an English translation… and perhaps look away from the screen so that the swirly backdrop graphics don’t make you feel nauseous. [Insert your own tired Eurovision gag here if you must.]
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Never Mind the Buzzcocks: filthy Hound & Dirty R2D2

I think I’ve wibbled on this point before, but I’m not keen on programmes  that carelessly lose presenters then have a series of guest ones. It’s feels like having multiple foster parents to me. Even though the idea of the delightfully barking Simon Amstell as a ‘parent’ is patently ridiculous. Non-regular hosts make me feel insecure. Even the capable hands of Jack Dee could not contain the hyperactive, narcissistic, attention seeking idiocy of Jedward, which felt like a show where the lunatics had bought the asylum as a theme park.

So, despite my enduring love for the adorable Noel Fielding, when I saw that Terry Wogan was going to be hosting Never Mind the Buzzcocks, I almost didn’t bother watching. I guess, partly I feared it might be sentimental and a bit schmaltzy, but I was wrong.

It was a terrifically funny, silly show that swiftly descended into pure filth and remained joyously in the gutter for an entire splendid thirty minutes. It was like unexpectedly seeing your headteacher off duty and off his tits, telling blue jokes at a wedding. Not that Sir Terry has not been known for naughty mischief in the past especially hosting the Eurovision Song Contest. Nor was he inebriated in any way, he just seemed de-mob happy and thoroughly enjoying the bawdy talk around him. He was also sharply and enjoyably rude about David Bowie and Chris Moyles. Continue reading


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The National Television Awards: Winners and (Bad) Losers

A big night in British Television for those who care about seeing celebrities take away an ornament after a self indulgent speech.

The usual suspects were dominant like the unstoppable Ant and Dec going away with two awards, including Most Popular Entertainment Personality for the 907th time running and Doctor Who taking everything drama related.   

They also  handed out a very well deserved Achievement Award to the brilliantly witty and likeable Stephen Fry, who had the likes of Hugh Laurie, Prince Charles, Jo Brand and…uhh…Harry Potter…singing his praises.

O…M…F…G…sounds so much funnier in a posh British accent!

Corrie’s Craig Gazey (who plays the hilarious Graeme Proctor) picked up a well deserved Most Popular Newcomer Award and his speech proves that he is EXACTLY like his Corrie character. Touchingly, he dedicated his award to the late, great Maggie Jones.

But the night wasn’t without its disasters. We had to sit through Jedward’s new single and Joe McElderry opened the show and made me realise how quickly you can get sick of somebody. With the insufferable Dermot O’Leary presenting and constant close ups of Simon Cowell throughout (I wonder if he slipped someone some money for some extra exposure) I almost thought I was watching the X Factor.


And then there was the Most Popular Serial Drama Award (Or Best Soap as us commoners call it).  Coronation Street took the honours after what some classed as a ropey year and all of a sudden, if you wandered onto an open discussion forum or tuned into the news, there was public outcry, most notably from bitter Eastenders fans. Why the fans were so devastated that something they never worked on wasn’t rewarded, I’m not sure, but petitions have been flying out and ITV have been accused of ‘bias’ as they showed a 3 minute clip to celebrate the upcoming 50th anniversary of Corrie. (They also had a segment of Dermot going through the suspects of EE Who Killed Archie mystery but this was conveniently forgotten)

The BBC put in an official complaint… Continue reading


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The X Factor: It’s not about the singing

I found myself watching The X factor in a very distracted way last night. I’m just not convinced by any of them as stars of the future. I’m thinking this year will be a Leon Jackson/Steve Brookstein year – the winner will inevitably get the Christmas number one (Cowell has bought and paid for that already) and sell quite a few copies of their album, and will be quietly dropped into obscurity.

So I’ve started noticing odd things, like Olly’s huge hands. He has massive hands – he must have to get his gloves specially made by the people who make clothes for the Tweenies. He also dances like a dad at a wedding, but that’s quite sweet, in a peculiar way.

Lloyd has had his hair cut, and the judges and PLA Jr all agree that he looks lovely. I don’t. Call me curmudgeonly, but Lloyd has gone from being a pixie boy to looking like one of Journey South.  Remember them? No, and you won’t remember Lloyd in a few months either. Lloyd was this week’s person that Cheryl is enjoying seeing “turn into a little man.” Last week’s little man was Joe.

I’m about ready to throttle Stacey. It’s that yodelling that passes for speaking that she does. I swear it’s entirely contrived as she didn’t do it on her visit home. Her singing isn’t that great either.

John and Edward disappointed me this week (oh dear, I am having a bad week) by only singing part of Wham Rap, tucked inside another song. They looked like wallies as well, but at least they were entering into the Wham! spirit of the thing (it was Wham!/George Michael week. George sent a message of goodwill but sensibly stayed at home – was he watching Strictly instead? We’ll never know).

Joe sang beautifully, again, but again not much personality apart from a big smile showed through. And on the subject of big smiles, my other half has taken a strong dislike to Danyl (who also sang beautifully and even made me feel a little emotional at some point during his Careless Whisper) – because “his mouth is too wide.” Well that never held Steven Tyler back.

So who goes? I reckon it’s got to be Lloyd this week. I have no idea who else will be in the bottom two – possibly Danyl, possibly Jedward? I think I’m ever so slightly past caring.


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The X Factor: This is just getting silly

jedwardOn the Ofcom website it states that one of their aims is to “make sure that people in the UK get the best from their communications services and are protected from scams and sharp practices.”

And, according to The Sun, over 3,000 people have complained to Ofcom about the evil goings-on that took place on Sunday night. Lest we forget, what happened was that ITV viewers paid their money to vote in a telephone poll in a singing contest. The person who got the least votes, one Lucie Jones, was duly ejected from the competition. Where’s the scam or sharp practice in that? We paid our money, we made our choice, yes?

Well, not so, according to the 3,000 complainants, who are irked that Simon Cowell failed to overturn this vote and get rid of the people who didn’t get the lowest vote, the terrible twins John & Edward Grimes. 11,000 people have joined a Facebook campaign to boycott the show, according to The Sun. “Some viewers claimed he only saved the twins to make the show more entertaining,” they suggest. Horrors! Making the show more entertaining? What can he be thinking?

The fact is that Lucie didn’t have a prayer of winning anyway. If she’s going to have a singing career she’ll now have it regardless (last year’s X Factor loser Laura White is in the charts now, and her co-loser Diana Vickers is performing in West End theatre, so if you’ve got the chops you’ll get there). And if she was so freakin’ popular, why did she get the lowest votes?

The winner, of course, is The X Factor, which is getting masses of publicity from all this. He ain’t no fool, that Simon Cowell.

(Footnote: Ofcom have apparently said they won’t be investigating. I expect they’re keeping their desks clear for the complaints of animal cruelty that will rush in as soon as the first wichetty grub gets eaten on I’m A Celebrity).

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