Tag Archives: brian dowling

Celebrity Big Brother: Bonfire of the Vanity Cases

I know the London Olympics were great and all that, and I did enjoy the fervour of the burgeoning national pride they inspired. But there’s been an Awful Lot of sport on telly these past few months. Which has been hard for those of us that need our regular fix of something to slob in front of that doesn’t involve very fit people running about, making us feel bad about eating a whole large packet of Tyrell’s salt and vinegar (you umami-packed seductive bastards) in one go. So, for me, it’s quite nice that we’ve got some excellent tosh back on the box.

And  Celebrity Big Brother has hit the ground in camp, leopardprint running shoes. I stopped watching Big Brother after the first season on Channel 5. Too many ad breaks and it has all started to horribly claustrophobic. It also goes on far too long. It’s not a good sign when you think you can smell the telly. In this case a rank mixture of the nocturnal odours of too many inactive people on a weird diet plus the whiff of damp towels.

But with the merely three-week long Celebrity Big Brother, both Empress of Twitter Grace Dent and I have been lured back. The major thing they’ve done to make it too tempting to resist is to have the delectable Martin ‘god of EastEnders’ Kemp as a housemate. My entire purpose for watching the soap back in the day (and, as I recall, PLA had a bit of crush too. We share such good taste).

Then they chucked pretty, witty, savage-tongued Julian Clary into the mix. And THEN they added Bet Lynch in a “GET IT, GOT IT, GOOD” t shirt and animal print leggings, and Heather Trott (AKA Julie Goodyear and Cheryl Fergison). Then there’s Loose Woman and ex Nolan (and so used to shacking up and sharing a hairdryer and make-up with a lot of women, one might imagine, given the number of sisters she used to sing with) Coleen Nolan. What with her and the other glamour pusses, I get the sense that the bathroom drains are soon going to get blocked with hair extensions of many colours.

The rest – an Olympian judo player, someone from Jersey Shore, a bitchy journalist who thinks she’s too darn pretty for this world, some assorted muscle-clad lads and  a scattering of glamour/underwear models – are just The Rest to me right now, but that’s fine. We need some wallpaper for our superstars of soap, comedy and daytime telly.

There they all are in the house now, like the most fabulous, crazy selection-box of characters, with a burning desire to get more attention than anyone else.  Continue reading

6 Comments

Filed under Big Brother

Celebrity Big Brother: Who stays? Bobby sweats it out

Marcus Bentley just can’t throw his Geordie thang behind “Who STAYS?” the way he used to with “Who GOOOOOOO-ES?” Apart from that, Our Marcus appears to be having fun on the new, Channel 5 version of Celebrity Big Brother. His commentary has gone all cheeky, and of course this is helped no end by having Jedward to comment on. “Jedward have found a canny way of heating up beans,” has been one of my favourites so far, as we saw the aforementioned duo nomming baked beans straight from the can – in the sauna.

I’m looking forward to seeing how Brian Dowling handles his first eviction night. I’m hoping he gets a bit more critical with the evictees than Davina “You were a fantastic housemate!” McCall sometimes did. But who will he be getting critical with? Will it be Kerry “I can’t fart without it being bottled and sold by the press” Katona (whom we discovered on Shooting Stars this week may or may not be a cat owner)? Will it be Sally “Bedsheet” Bercow? Or Bobby “I sweat in your drinking water” Sabel?

The Digital Spy forums, so often a reliable guide in troubled times, suggest there’s a strong swell of support for Sally, and Bobby will most likely go. After being almost totally anonymous at the beginning, he belatedly realised that you have to give the people something to vote for apart from bland good looks. So he opted for ranting at mirrors and having a negative opinion about almost everybody else. For a very brief while, this was quite amusing, albeit a tad transparent. Then it went too far when he sat in the sauna and dripped sweat in a container of liquid to be poured into Darryn’s mouth. Now, I’m no Darryn fan, but what Bobby did was just revolting. When he apologised later, Darryn took his apology with great dignity, which shows who is the better man.

Will Brian call Bobby out on Sweatgate? We’ll have to see.  But Bobby won’t be missed.

Meanwhile – how precious are John and Edward? I find them absolutely adorable. That little scene where Tara was crying and they cheered her up with a bit of gentle teasing and a bunch of flowers, it was a beautiful sight to see. They judged the situation just right. They’re never down, they don’t get bored, they keep people laughing and they seem to be genuinely kind, caring boys. Ok, they can be a tad too high spirited sometimes, but it’s a fair trade-off for the energy and fun that they bring to the house.

Posted by PLA          (more Big Brother posts here)

Leave a comment

Filed under Big Brother

Celebrity Big Brother: Kindergarten clots

I can see why pretty-boy model Bobby Sabel has flipped, and most amusingly, on Celebrity Big Brother and started spouting Truths to camera. All the other housemates are like children? Yes they are. Kerry Katona a nice person, but a moron nonetheless? Yes indeed. Suddenly he’s become a lot more fun. I feel too old for this CBB and am still a bit of a butterfly viewer. Jedward and Kerry Katona were the only people I’d heard of, well apart from Sally Bercow, but none of them were people I particularly had an interest in watching. Not like the year Germaine Greer walked in the house in a steely grey dress (not that she managed to stay for very long).

I still have no idea who Darryn weird hair/bizarre sixpack implant ‘Paparazzi’ Lyons is. I’m vaguely aware of My Big Fat Gipsy Wedding, but only remember vast pink fairy light lit dresses, not the formidably hard looking Paddy Doherty, a man who talks about ‘servicing’ his wife as a substitute for any housework (although to be fair, when he spoke to her and their daughter on the phone in the diary room on their anniversary, he was very tender with them). And I’d seen The Only Way is Essex once, so I’d heard of Amy and her vajazzling technique (from which she’s been dropped as the ‘face of’ I read here). Having been brought up in a household where saying ‘fart’ brought a stern telling off for mentioning bodily functions, I quite enjoy her straightforward attitude to bodies and sex, with frequent references to her ‘ninny’. Paddy doesn’t quite embrace this openness tho’, and his face was a picture when she was patiently explaining to him what a ‘camel-toe’ was. Afterwards he told the other lads that women ‘just shouldn’t talk like that’. I’m guessing Mrs Doherty’s ninny only comes out to be ‘serviced’.

Continue reading

Leave a comment

Filed under Big Brother

Celebrity Big Brother: The wonderful thing about Tiggers

Big Brother is back on our screen, and summer can officially begin! A tad late, obviously. And it was pouring down. But the sound of Marcus Bentley’s voice and the Paul Oakenfold theme tune made me feel like reaching for the sunnies and the factor 30.

No Davina, of course. She’s been replaced by an Irish, male version of herself. Brian Dowling gave a fairly poised performance for his first live show – it must be a fiendishly difficult job for even an old hand like Davina, what with the crowds, the rain and having to wrangle a parade of egos on heels along a catwalk and up a set of stairs in the allotted time. I thought he did very well, even if he did sound a bit wooden occasionally and looked downright scared when Mrs Hasselhoff kept clinging onto him from different directions.

The biggest non-surprise of the night was Jedward – people had even come equipped with “We Heart Jedward” banners. I quite heart Jedward, too, in the sense that they’re madder than two boxes of frogs and they are the last thing you’d want to wake up to – which is why they’ll be perfect housemates, from a viewer perspective. I’d love them just for their Tigger jackets and panda shoes, and I can’t wait to see what their hair looks like under normal circumstances.  Continue reading

2 Comments

Filed under Big Brother