Big Brother is back on our screen, and summer can officially begin! A tad late, obviously. And it was pouring down. But the sound of Marcus Bentley’s voice and the Paul Oakenfold theme tune made me feel like reaching for the sunnies and the factor 30.
No Davina, of course. She’s been replaced by an Irish, male version of herself. Brian Dowling gave a fairly poised performance for his first live show – it must be a fiendishly difficult job for even an old hand like Davina, what with the crowds, the rain and having to wrangle a parade of egos on heels along a catwalk and up a set of stairs in the allotted time. I thought he did very well, even if he did sound a bit wooden occasionally and looked downright scared when Mrs Hasselhoff kept clinging onto him from different directions.
The biggest non-surprise of the night was Jedward – people had even come equipped with “We Heart Jedward” banners. I quite heart Jedward, too, in the sense that they’re madder than two boxes of frogs and they are the last thing you’d want to wake up to – which is why they’ll be perfect housemates, from a viewer perspective. I’d love them just for their Tigger jackets and panda shoes, and I can’t wait to see what their hair looks like under normal circumstances.
The big surprise of the night, for me, was lovely Lucien Laviscount, formerly teacher-romancing schoolboy Jonah Kirby in Waterloo Road. What a pretty, pretty boy he is. The females in the house went all hair-stroky and pouty as soon as Lucien appeared.
Sally Bercow could be fun. I like the idea that Mr B is at home, fuming like Rumpelstiltskin because he’s married such an embarrassment. Sally was the only one of the female participants who elected to wear shoes she could actually walk in. Who else is in the house? Kerry Katona, some woman from Essex (and “Essex,” as in The Only Way Is…), a man with pink hair who they keep calling Mr Paparazzi (no idea who he is), a stubbly model bloke, a wrestler (I think Brian said he was a wrestler), someone who was in American Pie and probably a couple of others I can’t remember. Basically, if you read Nuts and Heat, you’ll have known who most of them were.
The opening night of BB never gives any indication about how things are going to unfurl. That’s the thing with BB, it’s about people (admittedly an odd sub-set of people), and they never do what you expect them to do. Will Sally be trying to scale the perimeter fence by Monday? Will Jedward’s hairspray demands result in John McCririck-style protests? And how will Kerry’s attempts to carry out a secret task and act like a diva go? (A hint: close your eyes and channel Nadia).
Posted by PLA (more Big Brother here)