(Series 13, Ep.35) “This place is run by cretins,” sighs Jac Naylor. Well-spotted, that woman. It is indeed a bizarrely-run establishment that would bin off cardiothoracics (it’s a dying specialism, apparently – who knew?) in favour of plastics. Never mind the unusual employment practices which mean that people who come in accompanying a patient one week can be practically running a ward the next week.
Oh well. If I wanted realism I’d watch 24 Hours in A&E (which I do, in fact, watch, and it’s rather good if at times a bit too gory for comfort). What I want to see, and what I did see, on Holby is Jac asking Hanssen, “Are the rumours true?” and Hanssen replying, “You’ll have to be more specific. The one about me being undead is fallacious, for example.” Fabulous.
The rumours – namely the ones about CT being binned off to the mythical St James’ – were true, but Michael Spence is still waving his offer of Jac being the only CT queen in Wyvern Wing. How this happens to be his gift to bequeath, I have no idea, but he had a contract all nicely written up and ready for Jac to sign.
Meanwhile, Sahira Shah the Registrah had been busy slicing into someone’s chest in a moving ambulance literally as it bounced over speed bumps. I couldn’t help thinking she might have asked the driver to park up for the second it took to do the slicing, but that’s me for you. By the time Sahira arrived at the hospital she was flushed with success, excitement and adrenalin and she’d had an idea. I wasn’t entirely clear about her idea – it seemed to involve mobile CT units roaming Holby and lurking in Tesco’s car park waiting for people to have heart attacks. Within minutes she was visualising entire convoys of surgical caravans, with her at the wheel, scalpel in one hand, Yorkie bar in the other (which I realise would make driving dangerous).
She needed a consultant to come on board with the idea, if not literally to come on board her cardio-van. Elliott was out, as he struggles with technology, so that left Jac. Two exciting job offers in one day! This left Jac ample scope for scheming and manipulation, which of course she loves. She signed Spence’s little paper, but don’t think that’s the end of her scheming. Oh no.
Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Elsewhere, Malick was happily taunting Not-Gay Dan. “You’re not the first straight guy who ever fell off the straight tracks by kissing a beautiful black man,” he said modestly, exposing his buff physique just to remind Dan of the marvels of The Malick. They had to work together looking after a gay male patient, and Dan resorted to unpleasant homophobia and unrealistically snogging Chrissie every five minutes to prove that he wasn’t even a tiny bit gay. It only made Malick taunt him more. “Dr Dan here is all bone,” he told the patient, and we knew he didn’t just mean his orthopaedic skills.
Nurse Eddi and Nurse Chantelle, despite or because of being chalk and cheese, were quite a sweet double act this week. Chantelle wants to be like Eddi: skilled, confident, with a proper contract, hungover. Maybe not the last bit. But she (Chantelle) continues to be charming and exasperating at the same time, the highlight of her work this week being putting a call from Sacha’s mother through to the operating theatre where he was in the middle of a procedure – so Mama Levy could sing happy birthday to him.
Next time: Will Boy Valentine ‘fess up to Hanssen? And Ric has his hands full with Funny Little Nurse Tate. Not literally, though.
Posted by PLA (more Holby City posts here)
HOLBY CITY BEHIND THE SCREEN
pauseliveaction 
Loving your work as usual Pause.
Must be quick as off out for an eye appoinment. Mine have been prone to being a bit duff since early adolescence and it’s about time I got me some 20/20 again. in an ideal world I’d ask for a pair of Hanssen’s as he’s all-seeing and stuff. I won’t, however, have any truck with Bette Davis’ or Gary Gilmour’s (bit bulgy plus dead/just dead respectively).
Talking of Hanssen and death, his “The [rumour] about me being undead is falacious,” is almost perfect. Thank the Good Lord (ie Henrik) that his tongue is as steady as his scalpel because had he said “the one about be me being undead is fellatious” it would have been mildly disturbing and illegal. Even with access to the Holby morgue.
Um … eyes popping now so best go. More later if not banned on grounds of bad taste.
FaLLacious, guys. Blimey O’Reilly.
This is ol your folt, this is, PLA. Im gong to have to be mitey carefull when I copy and paste yor stuf from now on. I’ve allready had to correkt my grammer once after bing baggered by pandamoor (that was a previus epsiod). It was ol my folt then but Im not gong to take the blame for this.
ps Eye appt went well. Old Girl’s has deteriorated |diˈti(ə)rēəˌrāt ed|*** which may explain why she remains with me.
*** See what you’ve got me doing now, Panda?
Had to double-take here. At first glance a post by Ms Harvey. I always enjoy your posts (typed ‘possets’ by mistake… it’s catching), Carumba Love. You make me smile. Actually, I have little baggering to do on the PLA website, as it’s consistently superbly well written, as you noe. Carry on, carry on…
Thank you for the correction, pandamoor. I blame Game of Thrones for that lapse. I was still in a state of shock.
So much scheming from Jac this week I was left dumbfounded at her brilliance as a sexy, evil, genius; shes clearly built for higher things. She has Connie Beauchamps training behind her so has AT LEAST a degree if not more in tactical skills, and a Spence-translato-meter. The final modules were fabulous undercover fashion sense which, she avoids by wearing scrubs 24 hours a day. Sexy as they are, Connie was looking more for pencil skirts and ruffley blouses to ace that specific module.
ANYWAY! I digress. I do worry for Jac. All she wants is to be Darwin Queen. Head of CT, keep her consultant position now shes finally got it, and doesnt know which project to back, so semi-backs both and at some stage is gonna have to choose. She signed Michaels proviso but it wasnt a legally binding contract. And I rather like to think shes double-bluffing Spence. That really, shes backing the Mobile CTU project and only keeping Michael in her pocket to keep an eye on HIM, rather than the other way around. Sahira was so impassioned and sincere, giving her a big toast and gracious thanks in front of everyone, shes got the chance to really make a name for herself with the project here. I hope she sticks with CTU. I half think the writers are making Plastics seem the obvious winner, in an attempt to fool us, and that CTU will come up trumps in the final race and suprise everyone jumping out from behind a tree saying “Fooled you!” and that theyre not getting rid of CardioThoracics at all. I mean hello, hospitals need cardiac wards! Realisitically speaking. (on another note, I was thrilled to see them making better use of Mary-Claire this week, she was properly involved in the plot, had her little “But weve tried everything!” squeaks when she couldnt get the paint off that guy. Shes adorable. And I love her interactions with Jac and Greg. They all work together really well, shes a valued member of the CT team, and we even saw her out of scrubs, hair down, drinking champagne in aforementioned toasting scene – my heart melted! Srsly, shes gorgeous.)
Sacha and his little newbie nurse team were like comedic gold. Eddi packing one too many ibuprofens and red-bull imitations, Chantelle trying desperately to be a good girl and wanting Sacha to ask her back, but failing at every hurdle to make the right decision. Eddi did stand up for her though, which brought her up in my estimations. Shes loyal to her staff, even if her annoying bf keeps lurking around the main entrance corridor. Whats that about anyway? Doesnt he have actual work to do you know, as a police man?
Chrissie broke my heart this week. Dan and Malick facing off against each other in the locker rooms again (Im thinking this might become a cliched scene for them) and shes just, oblivious. The patient practically told her he thought Dan was gay. And still, she was oblivious. And why was she smiling at Dan all lovingly when he was saying he’d been engaged twice – how is that an attractive trait? And walking out at the end arm in arm with “her boys” and Malick just loving being able to wind Dan up (understandably) and Dan like you said, pretty much just snogging Chrissie every two minutes to make himself feel better. I dunno PLA. I hope it gets handled properly. Not just one of those storylines that gets lost in space.
Anyway. Great review as always!
‘Lost in Space’ – now THERE was a series. Probably before your time, although not, I suspect (but I might be wrong), before Carumba Love’s. Thing about Chrissie’s situation is ‘love is blind’. Even the most intelligent people are duped, although in retrospect they can acknowledge that ‘all the signs were there’, and there were little things that didn’t quite add up at the time. “Warning, Will Robinson! It does not compute!” *waves robot arms manically*
Lost in Space! Unfortunately yes, is before my time for the original series, I do know the reboot film they did in the 90’s though so know the quote. Anything with robots, and I’m there!
And yeah agreed, its a ‘love is blind’ thing. Poor Chrissie. If she werent so desperate to find love she might stop ending up with all the wrong men.
I think even fancying Dan in the first place shows very poor judgement on Chrissie’s part. It can’t end well, and she doesn’t even have Jesus on hand for support any more. Luckily there’s always Sacha. Good old Sacha.
I’m quite confident that Jac will play her cards right and CT will be saved. I think Michael will desert Team Bhatti – he looked quite wistful when Jac rushed off to help with Sahira’s heart patient and Bhatti said he didn’t miss that kind of surgery.