(Series 13, Ep.35) “This place is run by cretins,” sighs Jac Naylor. Well-spotted, that woman. It is indeed a bizarrely-run establishment that would bin off cardiothoracics (it’s a dying specialism, apparently – who knew?) in favour of plastics. Never mind the unusual employment practices which mean that people who come in accompanying a patient one week can be practically running a ward the next week.
Oh well. If I wanted realism I’d watch 24 Hours in A&E (which I do, in fact, watch, and it’s rather good if at times a bit too gory for comfort). What I want to see, and what I did see, on Holby is Jac asking Hanssen, “Are the rumours true?” and Hanssen replying, “You’ll have to be more specific. The one about me being undead is fallacious, for example.” Fabulous.
The rumours – namely the ones about CT being binned off to the mythical St James’ – were true, but Michael Spence is still waving his offer of Jac being the only CT queen in Wyvern Wing. How this happens to be his gift to bequeath, I have no idea, but he had a contract all nicely written up and ready for Jac to sign.
Meanwhile, Sahira Shah the Registrah had been busy slicing into someone’s chest in a moving ambulance literally as it bounced over speed bumps. I couldn’t help thinking she might have asked the driver to park up for the second it took to do the slicing, but that’s me for you. By the time Sahira arrived at the hospital she was flushed with success, excitement and adrenalin and she’d had an idea. I wasn’t entirely clear about her idea – it seemed to involve mobile CT units roaming Holby and lurking in Tesco’s car park waiting for people to have heart attacks. Within minutes she was visualising entire convoys of surgical caravans, with her at the wheel, scalpel in one hand, Yorkie bar in the other (which I realise would make driving dangerous).
She needed a consultant to come on board with the idea, if not literally to come on board her cardio-van. Elliott was out, as he struggles with technology, so that left Jac. Two exciting job offers in one day! This left Jac ample scope for scheming and manipulation, which of course she loves. She signed Spence’s little paper, but don’t think that’s the end of her scheming. Oh no.
Elsewhere, Malick was happily taunting Not-Gay Dan. “You’re not the first straight guy who ever fell off the straight tracks by kissing a beautiful black man,” he said modestly, exposing his buff physique just to remind Dan of the marvels of The Malick. They had to work together looking after a gay male patient, and Dan resorted to unpleasant homophobia and unrealistically snogging Chrissie every five minutes to prove that he wasn’t even a tiny bit gay. It only made Malick taunt him more. “Dr Dan here is all bone,” he told the patient, and we knew he didn’t just mean his orthopaedic skills.
Nurse Eddi and Nurse Chantelle, despite or because of being chalk and cheese, were quite a sweet double act this week. Chantelle wants to be like Eddi: skilled, confident, with a proper contract, hungover. Maybe not the last bit. But she (Chantelle) continues to be charming and exasperating at the same time, the highlight of her work this week being putting a call from Sacha’s mother through to the operating theatre where he was in the middle of a procedure – so Mama Levy could sing happy birthday to him.
Next time: Will Boy Valentine ‘fess up to Hanssen? And Ric has his hands full with Funny Little Nurse Tate. Not literally, though.
Posted by PLA (more Holby City posts here)