Waterloo Road: This week’s sexist

(Series 6, Ep.16) You thought Kyle Stack was a little toe rag? Ladies and gentlemen, please meet Wayne Bodley (an impressively slimy Qasim Akhtar). Actually, ladies, you may not want to bother, since Wayne is a snivelling sexist pig. And the gentlemen may not want to bother either, for the same reason, and because Wayne is unlikely to be seen again as he seems to be this week’s one-episode wonder.

Wayne’s presence at Waterloo Road was mainly so what Bex got up to during her “lost weekend” could be spectacularly revealed. Part of Wayne’s activities as a snivelling sexist pig involve him having lots of unsuitable material on his phone, and this included a video of Bex. The bits we saw were obviously fairly innocuous, but we were given to believe that it was certainly not the sort of thing you’d want your mum, sister, little brother and the rest of the school seeing. And of course that’s exactly what happened.

Every cloud has a silver lining, though, and at least the truth coming out meant that Karen could stand by her daughter (after emoting a bit over Tom Clarkson), and Bex’s empowering speech at the Head Pupil hustings got her duly elected. To be fair the competition was poor: Ronan Burley, standing on a manifesto of bribery (with torches that didn’t work), stepped out of the contest early to give Jonah Kirby a better chance. He even printed out some leaflets with Jonah looking all buff. But Jonah was too distracted by the double burden of being in love with Ms Montoya, and having to wear a double-breasted cardigan.

Sadly Bex won’t be taking up her post, as she’s gone off with that nasty Hodge again. This is because Hodge, having slept with Bex’s sister Jess last week, now has compromising footage of Jess, which he was prepared to put on the internet if Bex didn’t go back to him. But Hodge reckoned without the cunning of Jess, who has finally worked out that the nice man who takes her to hotels and refuses to meet her family (alarm bells ringing, anyone?) is none other than the Hodge who has been threatening her sister. Hodge can expect the combined wrath of a whole load of Fisher folk descending on him… eventually.

It was a better week for Sambuca Kelly. According to PLA Jr, Sambuca is officially the luckiest girl on Waterloo Road, because she’s previously snogged Bolton Smiley, and this week got to snog Finn Sharkey. Finn has swerved from bad boy to being quite the gentleman since Kyle Stack arrived, but it took Sam a little while to notice this. Her mates had spotted that Sam had a love/hate attitude to Finn, and they proved that Tom Clarkson’s educational efforts have not been in vain by using Shakespeare to illustrate their point. “Beatrice always gurs on about how much she hates Benedict,” said Lauren.

Next time: Who’s the daddy? Is it that lad in the double-breasted cardigan? Uh-oh.

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Waterloo Road: Karen Fisher – thick or what?

(Series 6, Ep.15) The thing about headmistress Karen Fisher is that she doesn’t listen. People (her family, mainly) start to tell her things, important things, and she changes the subject, cuts them off, thinks they’re talking about something else. She’s completely preoccupied with her own stuff, and those around her suffer. So this week the person who probably suffers most of all, son Harry, took it upon himself to cause a bit of mayhem by taking her phone and using it to send messages to her colleagues at the school. By lucky coincidence – or else he’s a Machiavellian genius – his emails were all perfectly designed to unsettle their recipients. For example Ms Montoya received an ominous note telling her that a grave matter had come to Karen’s attention. Cesca naturally thought this must mean her relationship with Jonah had been rumbled – unthinkable, as they’re so discreet. No-one will notice anything as long as it occurs in the bike shed, the art room that is always mysteriously empty, or the cleaning cupboard. Actually, since they only had a caretaker for a day, and they don’t seem to have school cleaners, there’s probably not a lot of use for that cleaning cupboard.

The messages Ruby Fry and others got had them so upset that Grantly Budgen summoned a union rep, and it was all a good chance for people to tell Karen what they thought of her. Everything got sorted out eventually, and Karen and Harry had a mother/son bonding moment on the stairs and went out for that classic peace-making snack, the pizza.

Meanwhile, as Karen sorted out the problems of her youngest child, middle child Jess was checking into a hotel room with the sleazy Hodge, who is using her to get at sister Bex. It’s going to take more than a pizza to sort that lot out.

The plan of segregating boys and girls in lessons is not going well, with the boys falling even further behind. Even a cunning scheme to motivate the boys by getting a local businessman in to run a kind of Dragons Den workshop ended in humiliation for Kyle Stack and a small invasion by the girls, led by Sambuca Kelly, who were angry that they’d been left out. Sadly the best invention they could come up with was a dating website. I know it’s worked well for Sarah Beeny, but honestly, girls, there’s more to life than romance, particularly when Jonah Kirby is already taken, Bolton Smiley has left, Josh Stevenson is gay and Kyle Stack is thick and unpleasant. That only leaves a choice of Ronan Burley and Finn Sharkey, and even if they concentrate full-time on romance it’s not going to be enough to keep a dating site busy.

Grantly Budgen and Ruby Fry went on a date, in the sense that they arranged to have lunch together and Grantly said “It’s a date,” as you do. But when Janeece told Ruby that she thought Grantly fancied her, Ruby went all awkward and made a huge point of telling Grantly how much she loved her husband and how she soooooo wasn’t looking for a relationship. After her little racist blip last week, Ruby was back on form, and I hope that this little double-act with Grantly keeps going because it’s very funny.

Next time: We find out what Bex did in her two-year lost weekend when pictures are discovered on the internet. And she wasn’t backpacking in Thailand.

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Waterloo Road: Standing up for Dave

(Series 6, Ep.14) This week Waterloo Road tackled the issue of racism. But it wasn’t the rather laboured “Polish people stealing British jobs” theme that got Twitter all-a-twitter last night. It was the relationship between Cesca and Jonah, which “went to the next level.” Yes, Jonah started the episode a boy and ended it a man, thanks to the very special private tuition of his lovely Spanish teacher. And, since Jonah is more of a man than most of the men in Waterloo Road, has Lewis Hamilton’s hair and a smile that could (and does) light up Rochdale, you can’t really blame her. Except you can, because she’s a teacher and he’s a pupil. It can’t end well and it’s wrong, I tell you. Wrong. But they do make a beautiful couple.

Meanwhile, who’s this “Dave” in the title? It’s one Dave Dowling, father to Waterloo Road student Martin Dowling, who is friends with Kyle Stack. When Dave loses out on the job of school caretaker to better-qualified and better-looking Polish person Lukas, he goes into British Bulldog mode and inspires his son and Kyle to “stand up for Dave” by being horrible to Lukas. Frankly it was all a tad heavy-handed and went back to the bad old days of series 5 when a random character was parachuted in for an episode to illuminate an “issue.” Ruby Fry took time off from her embryonic romance with Grantly Budgen (they’ve done An Inspector Calls, and now he’s taking her to Oklahoma! because she likes her theatre to involve showtunes) to add to the racism row by tending to agree that Eastern Europeans shouldn’t be taking “our” jobs. But of course our Ruby is not a “real” racist, just a decent sort who’s occasionally a tad right wing. Apparently.

Chris Mead was in charge while Karen was away (is Amanda Burton working part-time on this series?) and he got it all sorted out eventually.

While all this was going on, Ronan Burley (who has ingratiated himself into school office life by implementing a brilliant filing concept – alphabetical order. Stunning.) was happily photocopying test papers and selling them to people due to sit the test. Janeece, however, is far smarter than Ronan gives her credit for, and got Grantly Budgen to change the test. There’s nothing Ronan likes less than handing out refunds to disgruntled customers.

We still don’t know what went on between Bex and Hodge, but she told Jess it wasn’t prostitution, so that narrows it down. Hodge was not best pleased when Bex threw all the money he gave her off the roof of a shopping centre, but now he’s turned his attention to Jess. Eeek!

And Tom Clarkson is suffering from post-traumatic agoraphobia after being punched by Joe McIntyre from Corrie. Poor Josh is at his wit’s end, but at least Nate is standing by his man.

Next time: Sambuca Kelly is back! And she’s trouble!

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Waterloo Road: It’s back – the school that puts the fun into dysfunctional

(Series 6, Ep.11) Waterloo Road is back, in all its barking mad, brilliant, award-winning splendour. And, as usual at the start of (half) term, there are some new faces.

Pious Kim Campbell has been replaced by one Adanna Lawal (Sharlene Whyte). She’s suitably qualified for the job of head of pastoral care, as she was previously head of the Dumping Ground in Tracy Beaker, so she knows a thing or two about problem kids. She’s not pious like Kim, but she’s every bit as stubborn and enjoys contradicting and undermining Karen Fisher and Chris Mead.

Discipline, Janeece-style

This week she was attempting to undermine their latest Controversial New Initiative, which was single-sex classes. In this she was warmly supported by Ruby Fry, who can’t maintain discipline at the best of times and only managed to control a class of year 8 boys by drafting in the splendid Janeece to shout at them in their own language.

Ruby’s pre-Janeece attempt to interest a class of boys in cookery went disastrously wrong when a fight broke out between new boy Kyle Stack (Britain’s Got Talent winner George Sampson) and last year’s bad boy Finn Sharkey. As it all descended into a food fight, Ruby tried to make the boys stay and clear up the mess, but they headed for the exit anyway as soon as the bell went. “Come here!” Ruby shouted, uselessly tugging at her flowery (and floury) apron. “You’re all RUBBISH!”

In a programme which has been outstanding for the quality of its young actors, George Sampson absolutely holds his own. Kyle is the archetypal misunderstood, dragged-up loser who’s fallen through the cracks of every system. “School’s no use for the job I want,” he says. What is the job he wants? “Drug dealing,” he reckons, though you sense a lot of it is bluster and there’s a sensitive kid underneath. This is confirmed when his beloved Rottweiler Manic is taken away to be destroyed, after Kyle uses him to scare Karen’s daughter Bex, who has falsely accused him of sexually assaulting her. His little face when they took the dog away was so sad – if they ever want to remake Kes, they need go no further than George Sampson for the Billy Casper role.

On the subject of Bex (Sarah-Lou from Corrie), it was her first day back at school following her two year “lost weekend” when no-one knew where she was.  And she was getting mysterious texts, phone calls and flower deliveries from someone called “Hodge,” which was making her really upset. As usual, Karen failed to notice what was going on with her daughter. Karen calls this “giving her the space she needs.” When finally forced to acknowledge that something was wrong apart from back-to-school nerves, Karen sat Bex down for a mother-daughter chat, but Bex refused to say anything about when she was missing. “If I told you, you’d never want to see me again,” she said. But it looks like it will all come out anyway before series end, as a mysterious stranger was lurking in the darkness outside the Fisher home.

Other hints of storylines to come came from Jonah rescuing Spanish teacher Ms Montoya from the nasty dog. There’s definitely a frisson between these two (Ms Montoya and Jonah, not Ms Montoya and the dog).

And Lovely Josh Stevenson would appear to have a new gay mate whose name is Nate. Finn’s not going to be happy.

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Waterloo Road: Home is where the heart is

(Series 6, Ep.10) The end of a half term on Waterloo Road, and the school was busy with a fund-raising day. Raffles, dressing up, falafel-eating contests – you know the kind of thing.

Grantly Budgen wasn’t getting into the spirit. Not because he’s Grantly and therefore a miserable old git who wouldn’t give you the steam off his tea, but because he had to face a sad decision. His lovely wife Fleur needed more care than he could provide, and even though he’d promised her he’d never put her in a home, it was the only choice. Luckily for Grantly he had Steph Haydock and Ruby Fry to support him, but he’s a proud man and when he discovered that he couldn’t afford the home’s fees he took the drastic step of trying to burn his house down to get the insurance money. Steph discovered this in time, and he’s looking at a singed duvet rather than a spell in Strangeways for arson.

Meanwhile Ruth Kirby had found out that Grantly had been teaching his A level students the wrong syllabus. Grantly’s career was on the line, until Steph told Karen about Fleur, and Karen managed to sort out Grantly and his finances in about thirty seconds flat. And when legendary footballer John Barnes turned up to let himself be raffled (there was real fear in his eyes when he was won by Steph Haydock) he promised to double the funds the school had raised on the fund-raising day, and Karen suggested giving it to Grantly. Hurrah!

While this was going on, last week’s shady hooded figure was still lurking around, and of course turned out to be Karen’s long-lost daughter Bex. Jess discovered her sister lurking in the kitchen at home. Even though they don’t much look alike, Jess and Bex are really convincing as sisters, and Tina O’Brien and Linzey Cocker really acted their scenes well, showing all the conflicting emotions of the reunion. Bex said she wasn’t staying, and when Karen returned to her office at the end of the day to find Jess looking upset, it seemed as if Bex had done a runner again. “Something’s happened,” Jess said, and glanced past Karen’s shoulder, making Karen turn to find her eldest daughter standing behind her.

So – end of half term report. Overall, much better than series 5, largely thanks to having some strong story arcs throughout the ten episodes. The Fisher family have been a great addition, and I’ve enjoyed the balance between the storylines of the older cast members and the younger ones. It still manages to bring important and relevant storylines up (such as the one about the morning after pill), with characters you really care about and some fantastic acting so that you don’t really mind that you sometimes have to stretch credibility to breaking point.

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Waterloo Road: I always feel like somebody’s watching me

(Series 6, Ep.9) This week’s Chris Mead Controversial New Initiative could also be termed “clunky plot device of the week.”

Chris decided, singlehandedly apparently, to have CCTV installed in all areas of the school, including classrooms. No-one else except Chris (and Ruth Kirby) thought this was a very good idea, which begs the question: how did Chris get this past the school governors? Surely on grounds of expense alone it wouldn’t be the kind of thing that you would let one teacher do on a whim to “see how it goes”? Never mind the privacy issues.

Ah, the privacy issues. What it was all for, really, was so that certain things which have remained hidden until now were brought out into the open. Jonah Kirby (how gorgeous is Lucien Laviscount, btw? He has a stillness and grace about him which is quite lovely to watch) was less enamoured of the scheme than his sister, and so was dad Marcus, who asked Jonah to compile a presentation about the negative aspects of keeping the school under surveillance. Ronan Burley sneaked a little webcam into the staffroom.

And so it turned out that Jonah finally discovered that girlfriend Jess has had previous carnal knowledge of the aforementioned Deputy Head Chris Mead. Jonah’s normally a lover rather than a fighter, but he instantly went off and gave Chris a bit of a battering. Jess begged him not to reveal what it had all been about, and at first he covered for Chris and risked being excluded from school. Eventually Chris had to come clean and tell his boss Karen that he had, indeed, been on an intimate footing with her daughter before he knew she was a pupil at the school.

Once again I felt the programme parted company with reality (I know, I shouldn’t be surprised) because Karen decided that Chris could keep his job. A big lapse of judgement on her part. Possibly she just has a soft spot for Scousers, for which I couldn’t blame her, but really – surely Chris’s integrity has been dented so many times in this series that he’s beginning to look like a human dartboard?

Meanwhile, the webcam in the staffroom picked up Grantly telling Ruby Fry that Fleur had hit him with a racing book. Fin, Josh, Amy etc all gleefully picked up on this and teased Grantly during a lesson, and were shocked at his reaction – what they didn’t know was that Fleur has Alzheimer’s and Grantly is only barely coping with looking after her. Ruby realised that Grantly needs help, and called on an old friend – the totally fabulous Steph Haydock (hurrah!). Grantly came home to find Steph and Fleur chatting away happily – only poor Fleur thought Steph was her mum, and didn’t know who Grantly was at all.

As if this wasn’t heartbreaking enough, Janeece realised that she couldn’t give up her baby Cheryl to the Frys after all. Ruby and John had both bonded with the baby (they called her Poppy), so it was a sad situation all round, but Ruby knew that Cheryl should be with her real mother.

Next week: Jess receives an unexpected visitor. Will it be the long-lost Bex? Was that who the shady figure on the CCTV was at the end?

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Waterloo Road: Where’s Pious Kim Campbell when you need her?

(Series 6, Ep.8) I never thought I’d say this, but I’m missing Pious Kim Campbell, and I think the school is missing her as well. In every episode this series there’s been at least one person in need of her finely-honed student support skills (by which I mean her ability to peer intensely at them while beating herself up about not picking up on their problem earlier in the episode).

This week it was the turn of Vicki MacDonald and her lovely eyebrows to suffer in the name of entertainment. Father in a coma following a stroke, mother God knows where, living in a hostel with a hostile room-mate, it was no wonder Vicki’s schoolwork was suffering. The ace up Vicki’s sleeve was that she knows all about what went on between Deputy Head Chris Mead and headmistress’s daughter Jess Fisher; hence she was in a good position to blackmail Mr Mead to adjust her grades when she fluffed an exam.

The scriptwriter piled on the misery for poor Vicki – her classmates found out about her homelessness and were less than sympathetic. I found this a tad implausible – for example Ronan Burley only a few weeks ago was sticking his neck out to do the right thing for his girlfriend, and then stood up to his thug of a father, but was quite happy to be horrible to a girl because she was living in a hostel. Then Vicki was thrown out of the hostel when her nasty room-mate framed her, and then her dad died.

Sitting alone and miserable in a cafe, things looked bleak for Vicki, until the nasty room-mate turned up and gave her some good advice – she should turn to the people who cared about her. Vicki called Jess, who turned up with Chris Mead to get her and take her to a much nicer hostel that Chris knew about.

While all this was going on, Grantly’s wife Fleur (who has Alzheimer’s) was convinced strangers were trying to steal her “nice things.” Grantly is doing his best to help her by himself, labelling everything, leaving meals for her, but it’s obviously not enough. She ended up attacking him thinking he was a burglar, and running out into the road and almost getting run over. It’s clear she needs more help than Grantly can provide, but as she begged him not to put her in a home, he’ll try to carry on.

Ruby Fry is the only person who knows about Grantly’s situation, but she was preoccupied this week with looking after baby Poppy. As predicted, though, Janeece is starting to regret giving Poppy up to the Frys. “Just between us,” she whispered to the baby, “I’m calling you Cheryl.”

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Waterloo Road: Destroying a W of pie

(Series 6, Ep.7) Front and centre in this episode was Harry Fisher’s bulimia, which up till now has been a secret shared only between him and us. When he told his mum that sister Jess was planning to spend the night with school bad boy Finn Sharkey and Jess was grounded, Finn decided to take bullying of Harry to new levels (as a side note, what was Harry doing in the same classes as Finn and Josh? Aren’t they older than him?). This culminated in Harry experimentally trying to drown himself during a swimming lesson, but not before he’d snarfed a considerable quantity of quiche which Ruby Fry had lovingly fashioned into the initials “WR” to celebrate the inter-schools debating competition.

Of course, it all had to come out (which I realise could be construed as a tasteless pun, given the subject matter), and Karen went into guilt-and-blame overdrive. She mainly blamed husband Charlie for running off with Maggie from Casualty (who was at Waterloo Road for the inter-schools debating comp, so was very much in the faces of the Fisher family this week). Jess and Harry mainly blamed Karen, for her obsessive hero-worship of missing daughter Bex. They do have a point.

While Karen’s anguish  occupies large swathes of screen time, you badly need some comic relief, and this was provided by (the very wonderful) Ronan Burley. Now he’s got rid of nasty dad Martin Kemp he can get back to ducking and diving, wheeling and dealing like a Rochdale Del Boy. He set up a betting scam on the inter-schools debating comp which could only fail if he himself won. The topic to be debated was school uniforms, and Ronan took the “actions speak louder than words” approach by doing a striptease (or rather “a badly debated point through the medium of interpretative dance,” as he styled it) rather than actually debate. And very flexible he is, too. On whose planet did he think that this wouldn’t be a crowd pleaser? Presumably he was hoping to be disqualified, but as young Ruth Kirby bottled it, it was either let Ronan win or let the trophy go to a rival school.

The reason Ruth bottled it was because her father puts too much pressure on her to be a genius. She finally got the courage to tell him to stuff his Mensa membership. “Laters!” she told him. “That’s not a word!” he yelled – nice to see that some teachers have standards. “It’s my word,” replied Ruth.

And Janeece gave birth to her baby. It was a girl. Prior to the birth she’d decided if it was a girl she’d call her Cheryl, and if it was a boy she’d call it Cole. You can see a theme there. Turned out it was a girl, and Ruby Fry wants to call her Poppy. Poor Janeece – only moments after giving birth she was already apparently out of the charmed circle that was the new Fry family unit.

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Waterloo Road: Dads. Total embarrassment

(Series 6, Ep.5) Fathers didn’t get an entirely good press in last night’s Waterloo Road. Top embarrassing dad of the night was guest artiste Martin Kemp (off of EastEnders and Spandau Ballet), who played Ronan’s dad. Turns out that the reason Ronan has been the king of the dodgy deal over the last few weeks is not because he’s a would-be Alan Sugar. It’s because he wants to raise enough money to escape the clutches of his criminal dad, who expects Ronan to join the family “business” of thieving and violence.

Ronan’s escape fund was going nicely until it came to the attention of second annoying dad of the night, Marcus (father of  Jonah and Ruth), who is now a teacher at WR. Wading in with both feet to try and sort out Ronan’s family issues, he very nearly got beaten up for his efforts if Tom Clarkson (more on him later) hadn’t intervened. All ended well with Ronan grassing his dad up to the police, who gratefully apprehended him in mid-burglary.

Jess Fisher’s dad is an embarrassment as well. Jess discovered this week that he’s about to move in with his “fancy piece.” “Her name’s Maria,” said her dad. Oh no it isn’t – her name’s Maggie from Casualty. Whatever she’s called, Jess doesn’t want to move in with her.

Tom Clarkson is doing his best to get to grips with son Josh possibly being gay (don’t think Josh has quite worked out whether he is or not himself, but he’s worked out he doesn’t fancy Finn. Only he so does). When Josh was getting picked on for (possibly) being gay, Tom decided it would be a brilliant idea to teach him some self-defence moves – in front of the entire class. Not humiliating at all.

It’s not just dads who can be really annoying, though. There’s always Karen Fisher to represent the annoying mums, though bless her she is trying and has let Jess’s friend Vicki move into Bex’s room (Jess is keeping a watchful eye on her so she doesn’t spill the beans about Jess and Chris Mead).

Ruby Fry isn’t even a mum yet, but she’s been annoying the hell out of Janeece. Janeece is carrying the baby Ruby is expecting to adopt, and Ruby wants to make sure the foetus gets the best start in life – so she’s hovering over Janeece’s shoulder being the nutrition police. They decided to have a full and frank Q&A session, which went hilariously like this:

Ruby: “Father of the baby. Did he look like he had, or may have had, a history of heart disease and/or glaucoma?”
Janeece: “Well, it was dark. And I’d had more than a sniff of sherry.”
Ruby: “Fine. Fine. Well, you know we’ll greet any genetic mutations as a pleasant surprise. Your turn.”
Janeece: “Was you addicted to tranquilisers?”
Ruby: “Next question.”

Next week: Drugs rear their ugly heads again at Waterloo Road. And there’s heartache for Grantly Budgen.

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Waterloo Road: Another “controversial new initiative”

(Series 6, ep.3) Last week we discovered that Waterloo Road had a school nurse. This week, they were determined to use her, and what better way than to conjure up one of Waterloo Road’s famous “controversial initiatives”?

Chris Mead, who has stepped into the pastoral care void vacated by Pious Kim Campbell, decided it was a good idea to dispense the morning after pill on school premises, and not before time if the queue at the nurse’s door was anything to go by. Of course this is a serious and relevant issue, and the programme tackled it well, unusually featuring a boy (Ronan) who was so concerned about his girlfriend’s well-being that he supported her to visit the nurse in the first place, tried to steal the pills for her when she bottled it, and then rang her mum when that didn’t work.

The other person in need of a little emergency contraception was the head teacher Karen’s daughter, Jess.  The Fisher family have gone to pieces since eldest daughter Bex ran away (if they want to see her, she’ll be on Strictly Come Dancing very soon). Dad Charlie is having an affair with Maggie from Casualty. Daughter Jess’s moral fibre has come a bit loose. And son Harry spends most of his time binge-eating and throwing up, though no-one has noticed that yet.

Jess feels that, if only Chris Mead could get over this teacher/pupil inappropriate relationship business, they could have a rosy future together. Chris obviously disagrees, being an upright sort of chap. She visited him at his flat, he told her to go home and talk to her mum and popped her in a taxi. Unfortunately her sort-of friend was lurking in the shrubbery and spotted this, and will be Drawing Conclusions.

Meanwhile Lauren was busy snogging Josh Stevenson, but it seems she could be barking up the wrong tree, as next week it looks like he’ll be snogging Finn Sharkey (I know! Sounds random but if you look through tonight’s episode the clues are all there).

And Janeece was having second thoughts about keeping her baby. Working at Waterloo Road has given her a terrifying insight into what a handful kids can be.

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