Coronation Street: A Christmas ditty

 

Coronation-Street-WK51On the cobbles of Corrie, there’s heartbreak afoot,
Lovelorn Gary has gotten the boot,
Alya’s family don’t think he’s a suit,
But when the Nazirs come on, I like to hit mute.

63641On the cobbles of Corrie, Nick Tilsley’s found hope,
Erica’s arrived to help him to cope,
She’s a bit of a flirt, she would shock the Pope,
As she eyes up her man and moves in for a grope.

soaps-corrie-8539-9On the cobbles of Corrie, Tracy’s stuck in a hole,
And sleazy Tony has his eyes on the goal,
She may be nasty and bereft of a soul,
But if only someone else had offered to console.

david-callum-kylie-coronation-street-4-460x297On the cobbles of Corrie, Kylie keeps hitting the speed,
Even though she has two children to feed,
Callum’s on the scene to exploit her greed,
But angry David will soon make him bleed.

Coronation_Street_spoilers__Michael_Rodwell_s_son_Gavin_revealed_to_be_an_impostorOn the cobbles of Corrie Michael thinks he’s found his son,
But little does he know that this ‘Gavin’s’ not the one,
He’s invited him for Christmas, oh won’t this be fun,
If Michael finds out, his dodgy ticker could be done.

mmmOn the cobbles of Corrie, Kirk and Beth’s big day draws near,
And the thought of their outfits brings nought but fear,
Still, they love each other, it’s a romance we hold dear,
Let’s hope there’s a Corrie wedding that won’t end in tears.

Coronation_Street_spoilers__brand_new_Christmas_2014_trailer_releasedOn the cobbles of Corrie it’s been a tough time of late,
So now is the time for the Street to celebrate,
There’s been some sad times, and cruel twists of fate,
Let’s hope they can start 2015 on a new slate.

Happy Christmas Corrie! Although, not TOO happy please…

Written By Our Man In The North

 

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Waterloo Road: Strictly the end of term

justin waterloo road(Series 10, ep.10) It wouldn’t be a proper end-of-term at Waterloo Road without an art teacher telling her class to use their imagination in turning the canteen into a sparkling fairytale ballroom. And it would definitely not be the end of term without someone being injured and at least one branch of the emergency services being involved. For good measure this time there was also a hastily improvised explosive device.

waterloo roadNo surprise that most of this mayhem (apart from the jazzing up of the canteen with streamers) was caused by Justin Fitzgerald. It was his eighteenth birthday, but he behaves more like he’s eight than eighteen, sulking and snivelling his way through life like the spoiled brat he is. I’m sorry, but I’ve got no sympathy for the weasel. After he punched Allie in the face and Vaughan marched him down to the police station, I was really hoping they’d follow through on the “worst case scenario” of a year in prison. Later on, as he threatened his father with a gas canister and a lighter (meant for Allie), was I the only one who was hoping he’d light it and blow himself and his useless lump of a father to kingdom come? Or am I just a very bad person?  Continue reading

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The Missing: Cruel, but brilliant, to the very end

241D7EEC00000578-2877191-image-a-16_1418807640700Billed as this year’s Broadchurch, The Missing has been a somewhat brutal affair. I don’t know if it’s because James Nesbitt plays a father’s agony so well, if the subject matter was too hard to digest or if it’s just because the young actor who plays Oliver has the most adorable and innocent cherub face, but the outcome of last night’s finale has left my stomach in utter knots.

I was never expecting a cheerful ending to the year’s most grim series; how could it possibly have ended happily when Oliver disappeared from sight so many years back? As the lead officer Julien Baptiste pointed out to gutted Tony last night, better that he died back then than lived all of these years at the mercy of a paedophile or holed up in someone’s cellar. For the programme to have maintained its realism and integrity, there could only be one outcome for poor Oliver. But the question over what happened to him from the moment Tony tragically lost sight of him in that heartbreaking opening episode has plagued us for eight long weeks.  Continue reading

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Holby City: Baby, it’s cold outside

zosia holby(Series 17, ep.10) There’s something about Christmas that makes everything more emotional, isn’t there? The decorations, the lights, the singing, the excessive alcohol.

Just about everyone in this episode got emotional at some point, and none more so than Zosia. Oh, but it was sad. Zosia got it ito her head that Anita Dobson off of EastEnders was her mum, come back to her for Christmas. Anita played Betty Stern, and she wasn’t stern, she was sweet. And anyway, Stern is German for star, and through a random selection of star-based stuff, Zosia decided Betty was her mother. And, like Zosia’s mother, Betty had cancer. Zosia was on a mission to save her, even if that meant some rather frightening fundraising on the ward and at the staff Christmas party.  Continue reading

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From Corrie and Family Guy to The Chase and Christopher Jefferies: What Our Man has been watching this week

soaps-eastenders-4973-06While I have been nursing my throbbing, swollen, pus filled tonsils back to health during my annual Winter blogging hiatus, I have characteristically managed to keep up with what I normally would have written about, had the lovely germs from Jack Frost allowed me to do so.

Rather than spam the site with a ridiculous amount of articles at once, therefore, I am taking the concise and genius steps of merging my thoughts together in one post so that it’s easier for those of you who tend to skip my articles (I know who you are!).

From glittery costumes  and a very pregnant and non drugged up Kylie on The Chase to Homer Simpson beating up Peter Griffin, my viewing pains and pleasures have been as varied as the voices Emmerdale’s Belle Dingle is currently hearing. So let’s press on folks…the quicker I start, the quicker this will be over for all of us.  Continue reading

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Casualty: Are you really him?

honey casualty(Series 29, ep.14) This episode featured two men of God, one of them apparently Jesus; two fathers, one of the religious sort and one the father of Honey; several Santas, most of them secret; and several visits to the Jeff Collier Memorial Bench.

Big Dreadful Accident of the Week was an enormous chandelier thing plunging on to the congregation in a church. Among the wounded were the vicar, Father Jackson, a choirboy called Marty who had apparently only recently arrived from the 1930s, and Holly, with whom Father J was in love in a tortured and tempted way. Oh, and Santa, who’d previously been to Holby to have a bell removed from his hand.

Charlie and Ash were soon on the scene with the paramedics. “We’ve got one for St James’s here,” proclaimed Charlie, which probably meant he’d triaged the patient for dramatic potential and found no detectable storyline.  Continue reading

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Waterloo Road: Don’t go breaking Twinkle’s heart

simon waterloo road(Series 10, ep.9) They say revenge is a dish best served cold, but Simon Twinkle Spark served it steaming hot this week, and it was brilliant. Returning triumphant from a successful job interview in Wales, it wasn’t long before Simon discovered (via the reliably dim Sue) that his wife has been “cavorting” with smarmy PE teacher Hector Reid.

simon lowsley waterloo roadSimon immediately headed for the gym and was only prevented from setting about Hector with a baseball bat by the arrival of Vaughan Fitzgerald. After this, Simon resigned, told Sue he wanted a divorce, had cuddly moments with Christine, Audrey and Kacey Barry, and told Darren and Lenny that violence was never the way to resolve things. Then he reversed his car over Hector’s precious motorbike and drove away from Waterloo Road with a smile on his face. Marvellous.  Continue reading

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