Waterloo Road: Kim has her baby. And Amy is not Banksy

Haven’t the staff of Waterloo Road learned their lesson yet? Never, ever, ever take those kids on a school trip. It never ends well.

Last night’s trip to an art gallery could have ended up worse, though. Finn stole some art materials for Amy. Shoplifting was his touching way of demonstrating his love for her, though his parents are loaded so presumably he could have bought her a few paints with his pocket money instead. In return, he asked her to deface one of the paintings in the gallery, while he created a diversion by pretending to have a seizure. Oh, Amy. Please just say no to this kind of controlling behaviour – it can only end up with a pramful of babies, a prescription drug habit and an early trip to the Jeremy Kyle studio.

I must say I was very surprised when the gallery let the school off with a mild ticking off and a promise to pay for the cost of getting Amy’s scrawl cleaned off the picture. Who’d have thought that art restoration came so cheaply that it would be within the budget of an inner city secondary school? One might almost think it wasn’t a real work of art at all, but just a prop quickly thrown together by a bright young thing in the BBC props department. Just saying.

While all this was going on, Pious Kim Campbell was busy going into labour.  She had to have an emergency caesarean, which at least meant she was unconscious for a while and unable to worry that “we should have been on top of art vandalism.” She woke up to find she had acquired two new men in her life – a baby boy, and Deputy Head Chris Mead, who dumped his current girlfriend to pledge true love to Pious Kim.

Back at the hub of learning that is known as Waterloo Road, everyone was being horrible to Ros because of her crush on Jo Lipsett. Then everyone was being horrible to Philip because he’d slagged the other girls off in a list of Ros’s good qualities. Rachel organised a debate about whether boys are better than girls, which came to the shattering conclusion that both genders have a useful role to play in society.

And cookery teacher Ruby moved into a cockroach-infested flat. Best place for her, the annoying, self-pitying whinger. As Kim Campbell wouldn’t say.

Posted by PLA          (more Waterloo Road posts here)