Gemma Collins spouts diarrhoea on a daily basis, although admittedly this is generally out of her mouth. Last night, the fluorescent yellow excrement (that’s me never eating custard again) was flowing heavily from both ends, as Gemma had a bit of a dicky tummy from all of the deep fried porridge she was having to endure. Always one to play things down, Gemma became convinced that she had malaria, of all things, and, despite walking around and having the energy to constantly complain and lift Craig Charles up with her feet, she insisted that she was suffering from the killer disease (which, by the way, isn’t carried by the mosquitoes in Australia)
When she wasn’t dying from Malaria or threatening to kill herself (yes, she did that again. Tasteful) she was complaining about how much she was suffering from starvation, which prompted the amiable Craig to gently point out that they were in a better position than many of the starving people in the world. This blew Gemma’s mind and she promised never to complain about being hungry again, although I can’t see that lasting. If she thinks the hunger is hard now, goodness only knows how she will feel after 2-3 weeks on congealed rice and bean mush.
Elsewhere, the heroic Jimmy Bullard had some squeals for some eels as he entered an underwater tunnel of terror for the Bushtucker Trial. By I’m a Celebrity standards, this was a fairly generous task which didn’t involve anything too taxing, at least in comparison to some of the crueller tasks. That didn’t stop Jimmy screaming in horror throughout as he was faced with eels, lizards and his biggest fear, snakes. We should have felt sorry for him really as he was reduced to a screeching mess, but it was the reactions of Ant and Dec doubled over in laughter that got me, honestly. I thought his performance might win him the votes for the next trial too, but Tinchy Stryder is up next and this could genuinely go either way. I can’t tell if Tinchy will take it all in his Stryder or if he will do a Jimmy and show he’s a mouse rather than a man. Time will tell!
Back at camp, Kendra Wilkinson, without even a hint of irony, was explaining her role from 18 years of age in Hugh Hefner’s Playboy Mansion to the bewildered campmates. Like all of the other empty headed souls wearing bunny ears, she had been told she was the special one and honestly, being paid to live with Hugh and do god knows what, isn’t prostitution. No, not one bit. The fact that in the US, a mansion where an old man pays a group of young girls to effectively be his slaves while dressed up is considered a normal and indeed an endearing thing, turns my stomach somewhat. And no amount of anecdotes from Kendra will change my mind on that.
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Written By Our Man In The North