The moment Tyrone approached her in the quietest nightclub in the country and she eagerly got her claws into him, I knew there was something not right with Kirsty. She follows all of the Street’s regular rules for being an established psychopath and I can guarantee that within six months from now, she will be driving her cop car into a canal with Tyrone and Tina tied up inside or she’ll be blowing up the garage.
How do I know this? Well, just take a look at the quirks and rules followed by previous Street fruitcakes and see how many boxes loopy Kirsty ticks…
Corrie Psycho Rule Number One: Develop an inexpicably over the top obsession in a somewhat bland love interest. Let’s face it, despite his adorable, teddy bear-esque nature, Tyrone is no oil painting. He’s not really even a Crayola Wax crayon scrawl. Sure, there are many women who would love to give him a hug and tell him that there is someone out there for him, but not many would be willing to actually BE that woman. Well, Kirsty isn’t just being that woman, she’s excelling to the point where she wants to spend 24 hours of each and every day in his company. Maria and Molly couldn’t even cope with evenings in front of the box with him! So is Kirsty besotted and sees a side in the bumbling mechanic that no one else does or is she several tangerines short of a fruit basket? Continue reading
On Corrie, we’ve left non-swimmer Roy Cropper floundering in the canal while Tony Gordon watches him drown. We’ll have to wait till Thursday to find out what happens (I’m avoiding spoilers because I don’t want to know yet, but I’m betting Roy will survive).
Tony Gordon is an absolutely classic villain, and it’s because the scriptwriters and actor Gray O’Brien have carefully given him that Jekyll and Hyde duality that the best villains have. Tony’s personality is based on getting what he wants, and it’s there that his ruthless streak comes in. What makes him successful in business becomes dangerous when it spills into his personal life, when an almost sociopathic streak kicks in so he doesn’t care about the feelings of others.
I say “almost” sociopathic, because Tony clearly does care a lot about other people, but only the ones he cares about, if that makes sense. You’re either part of Tony’s world (Maria, baby Liam), in which you will experience him as the most loving and considerate person in the world, or you’re outside, in which case, watch out.
I think if he hadn’t met Carla his “evil” side might never have surfaced. Carla is a person who brings out the passion in people, and Tony fell for her in a way he’d probably never allowed himself to do before. When he realised she was actually in love with Liam and not him, Tony reacted like he would with a business rival – destroy the opposition and things will be fine again. That’s been his pattern ever since, whether with Jed Stone or now with the Croppers.
What’s most powerful is that Tony’s self-interest is all about the people he loves. He isn’t trying to silence the Croppers to avoid going to prison, he’s doing it to protect the life he has with Maria and the baby. You can always see in his face the anguish that he’s found himself on this murderous road when really all he wanted was a normal, peaceful life, and that’s what makes him so compelling to watch.
Yesterday’s Corrie episode started where the previous one had left off – Gail was still sitting on a wall, Tony and Carla were still prowling round the graveyard, and Rosie was barricaded in the factory office with mascara all over her face. It took me back to the glory days when Rosie and Craig Harris were Goths and used to spend long, fun-filled days scowling at the world and talking about death and painting their fingernails. Happy times.
Kevin attempted to console his eldest by telling her that it was perhaps a blessing that all her money had gone, because “it brought nowt but trouble.” And an adorable little car, several handbags and all those lovely shoes, Kevin, you heartless mechanic. Sophie proffered psychobabble and sweet tea, which Rosie rejected on the grounds that it would ruin her figure. When Rosie says stuff like that, you know she’s going to be ok – and her mascara had been reinstated by then as well.
If only a dab of makeup would sort out Tony Gordon’s problem, which is how to handle vengeful ex-wife and Queen of the Night Carla. But when people are in extremis they reach for their tried-and-trusted fixes. For Rosie this is makeup. For Tony, it’s Jimmy Dockerson. Remember Jimmy Dockerson? The one who actually ran Liam over; the one who put the frighteners on lovely old Jed Stone? He’s being enlisted to deal with The Carla Situation.
Meanwhile, Gail is coming round to the idea of having a boat parked in her front garden. She perked up around the time Joe told her he reckoned he could get £7,000 for it once he’s done it up, which would only cost a few hundred. David has started reminiscing about all the happy times the Platt family spent fishing in his youth. I’ve been watching Corrie since I was in nappies and I don’t remember them ever going fishing or mentioning it, but hey-ho, whatever keeps David happy is fine by me.
And Tyrone gave Molly a home gym for her birthday, so she doesn’t have to go out to the gym on cold, dark nights. Kevin and the Mollster are going to have to think up another excuse for their little trysts now.
Posted by PLA
There were plenty of shocks in last night’s Corrie, the biggest one being the return of the magnificent Carla Connor. How I’ve missed her raven-haired loveliness, the sarcasm, the put-downs, the voice that carries the whole of her “I came from a Manchester council estate and look at me now” back story in its husky Manc drawl. In short – I’ve missed the bitch.
Fittingly, she chose Liam’s graveside to loom terrifyingly at Tony. Well, we can’t have him being too happy, and he was threatening to settle down with Maria and the baybeh and live happily ever after. But here’s Carla to gently remind him that he’s a murderer. A fact that she is willing to keep quiet as long as he signs over his part of the factory to her. She wants her knicker empire back.
She already owns the other half. Rosie thought she owned it, but in shock number two, Luke Strong has done a runner with the remainder of John Stape’s granny’s cottage money (which Rosie transferred to him to buy up his factory shares), so Rosie is left with nowt. You can imagine Sally’s reaction to that.
You can also imagine Gail’s reaction to the news that Joe has bought a knackered old boat and parked it in front of her house. Joe, who doesn’t quite inhabit the real world, thought she’d be thrilled. “Sometimes,” said Gail, slumping down onto a nearby wall, “Just sometimes, you need to sit down.” Sentiments no doubt echoed by Rosie and Tony.
For an all-too-brief period, Coronation Street was home to one of the most beautiful men ever to walk the face of Manchester. Rob James-Collier, fresh from modelling in the Argos catalogue and for knitting patterns, and a guest appearance in Casualty, brightened up Weatherfield with his portrayal of Liam Connor. Liam was part owner of the factory, but he was one of the nice guys. He’d let you have the morning off to take your cat to the dentist and he wouldn’t dock your pay, either.
He did have a dodgy taste in women – Leanne Battersby, for heaven’s sake! And Maria the fluff-headed hairdresser – but it was his love for former sister-in-law Carla Connor that did for him, and he was murdered in most foul style by a henchman of Tony Gordon.
Actually, what did for Liam Connor was Rob James-Collier’s acting pretensions. After missing out on any “best actor” awards, and finding his mantlepiece filling up instead with “best looking” gongs, he decided that he wasn’t being taken seriously and quit the show (possibly I’m being a bit unfair to him there but that’s how it came across at the time).
So where is he now? The RSC, perchance? Fielding offers from Hollywood? Getting his nose stuck into some seriously arty scripts? Your guess is as good as mine, because nothing’s been heard of him since. I still harbour hopes that he may turn up as the new surgeon in Holby (Rob in scrubs – oh yes). Heck, I’d even watch Heartbeat if he was in it.
It didn’t take long for the hard realities of being “the other woman” to set in for Molly. Desperate for some alone-time, Kevin “borrowed” a customer’s car, and whisked Molly off to the romantic setting of a parking space under a viaduct for a bit of in-car hanky-panky. Sadly they were spotted in the throes of passion by a passing policeman, which put a dampener on things somewhat. And when Kevin drove them back to Coronation Street, he dropped Molly off round the corner where she wouldn’t be seen.
So already Molly has discovered it’s not all hearts and flowers with Kevin Webster. But it is all chocolates, as he mollified Molly with a box of Dev’s finest Dairy Delights and the promise of a night in a hotel at the weekend. We last saw Molly leaning against a consignment of fig rolls, panting a little.
Love is elsewhere in the air on the Street. Tina and Jason are getting closer, which is obviously upsetting David a great deal, which is obviously great news. Pam is hunting down Bill Webster with relentless guile and cunning via the medium of lonely hearts ads. And Tony Gordon seems to be simultaneously falling for Maria Connor and her baby, a child who has the Liam Connor genes and will therefore grow up to be the most handsome and beloved prince in the kingdom. And they all lived happily ever after…
It seems like the longest pregnancy in human history may be about to end, as Maria Connor has had a contraction on a windswept stretch of beach in the Formby area. She now has to wait till Friday with damp sand around her nether regions for the happy event itself, the birth of Liam Junior.
Meanwhile, Molly and Kevin discovered that the phrase “I can’t believe it’s not butter” has fabulously aphrodisiac qualities when you’re in a locked corner shop. How quickly Molly has turned from being dutiful wifey of half mechanic/half guinea pig Tyrone, to being a sex siren among the spreadables. Not that actual hanky-panky occurred. Like Maria, Kevin and Molly have to wait till Friday for today’s early twinges to turn into something more tangible.
One of Kevin and Sally’s early twinges turned into the tangible thing that we currently know as Rosie Webster. Or Ms Webster as we must call her, since now she owns part of the factory. Mike Baldwin would turn in his grave.