Anyone who was expecting X Factor loser Jake Quickenden to make a pig’s ear of last night’s live trial was proven badly wrong. Instead, he made a pig’s testicle of it which was exactly what he’d been asked to do. It didn’t matter that he had to orally transfer the bollocks of several swine between containers; Jake was just happy that for once the public had voted for him. If only they had done that during The X Factor.
As if giving him a 24 hour Text Santa broadcast marathon wasn’t enough for the demure ego of Philip Schofield, ITV paid homage to his gameshow, The Cube in the live trial. They already had an extra set of ad breaks ready for if Kendra Wilkinson was voted to take part, given that it would have lasted all of 30 seconds (aka the time it takes her to say ‘Oh my Gawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwd’) but thankfully, have a go lad Jake was up for the challenge. And I’m not talking the challenge of getting frisky with Irish Nadia (whoever she is); that already looks as if it’s going to be a walk in the park.
Securing ten stars for playing with building bricks (something Jake only just mastered last week) and counting eels (again, counting being something that’s just recently been added to Jake’s skills list), Jake managed to claim a full lot of meals for camp (or, if Gemma were still here, a snack). This went down very well and was the second day in a row of successes in the Bushtucker Trials.
What do you get if you mix Paddy from Emmerdale, Colin Firth and spotted dick, throw in a bit of Miley Cyrus, combine a group of dirty minded pensioners and add a prize of a year’s supply of baked beans? No, this isn’t the start of one of my world renowned hilarious jokes but a fair enough summary of Bradley Walsh’s new Sunday night show, Keep It In The Family.
With the terminally declining and infuriating mammoth-turned-baby-elephant contest that is The X Factor and the thoroughly enjoyable but sleepy Downton Abbey, ITV’s schedule needed something lively and exciting to chase off the impending Monday blues and Keep It In The Family does a good job of fitting the bill. Admittedly, I spent the first ten minutes of the show sitting with my mouth agape in horror and my brain plaguing me with the question: ‘What the hell are you feeding me with?’ There is simply no getting away from the undeniable fact that Keep it In The Family is a hamfest of epic proportions; but once you get your head around it and realise that it is supposed to be that way, you can go on to embrace the cheesiness of the show and really enjoy it.
The last time I saw Dragon’s Den was when I heard that James Caan was joining and I tuned in excitedly, expecting a Hollywood legend to be shooting applicants down in a true Mafia style. After that bitter disappointment, I haven’t caught much of the show since, and still can only associate it with too many close ups of the mechanics of an elevator and that irritating Levi Roots ‘Reggae Reggae Sauce’ song.
I happened to find myself sitting in front of an episode last night as I was too lazy to find anything more active to do in the hour that I was waiting for Downton Abbey to start. I was surprised by how enthralled I became, to the point that I became concerned that, due to no ad breaks on the Beeb, I would have no window of opportunity for a much needed toilet break before the start of Downton. It turns out watching people’s dreams bursting mercilessly into flames can be entertaining, in a macabre sort of way.
The first joy was that the legend that is Duncan Bannatyne (I don’t know if I have ever mentioned this in a post before, but I find that forename incredibly strong and rugged) was still on the panel, alongside Peter Jones, Deborah Meaden, Chrissie Watts from Eastenders and Paul Sinha from The Chase. Or, as it later transpired, two folk going by the names Kelly Hoppen MBE and Piers Linney. Continue reading