Tag Archives: Sami Brookes

The X Factor: Musical murderer week

So this week the judges upped the ante and were at war. Or they were trying to create drama in a desperate attempt to gain viewers. It’s a sad state of affairs when a doddery old man at death’s door and a giant in an ill-fitting dress is beating X Factor in the ratings. It was Rock Week, so we had songs by Ke$ha and ballads. Ballad versions of songs that used to rock. In short, X Factor took famous songs and ripped the heart out of them like some kind of musical murderer.

The boys

Ahh, Marcus was in a super cute outfit, sorta like rock by numbers. A ripped tee and some jeans. Grr. He did put on a show for once and his performance was well received. I liked it but I wasn’t overly impressed, he seemed to get a bit screechy at points. Considering he’s more John Legend than John Lydon he still delivered in a week when the theme really wasn’t suited to him.

Craig has got some lungs on him. I really liked his performance but I question whether slowing down a rock song should have counted. I was surprised by his choice of song, but it really did suit him. I fear that if he doesn’t start doing stuff to stand out people might not vote for him and he could slip to the bottom of the results table as the viewers presume he’ll be safe.

Why the hell was Frankie’s VT just about him being a disgusting filth bag and going to low rent celeb clubs. Mahiki isn’t all that. Even I’ve been there, had a treasure chest and been sick on the C2 on the way home. Frankie is so gross he makes my crotch itch just looking at him. That boy must be riddled with disease and what was his entrance about? I get it was supposed to be cool, but it just looked like one of those O2 ads from a while back. Then once on stage the talentless goon tried and failed to sing again. He really, really, doesn’t deserve to be on the show. His song fit the theme but he was just not very good. He has definitely started to believe his own hype and needs to back off.   Continue reading

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The X Factor: Hate some, like two, feel sorry for the rest

(Week 2) Its official: this is the worst X Factor year ever. What? It’s not official? Well, it ought to be. This year’s crop of wannabes needs to up their game if they hope to hold our attention till Christmas. I think the problem is that it feels like we haven’t had a chance to emotionally invest in the acts.  So many of the faces at judges’ houses were new to me that I didn’t give a toss if they got to the lives or not, and then there’s the bands that have been  stitched together like some sort of five headed Frankenstein’s monster. They barely know or care about each other, so why should we care about them?

Usually at this stage in the game I’m indifferent about most of the contestants and love one or two. This year I hate some of them, feel sorry for the others and only like two.

The Groups

Wowzers, I wasn’t expecting Rhythmix to rock out the bashment/Notting  Hill Carnival version of I’m Like A Bird. As an ethnic, usually I only get to hear these versions in black hairdressers or takeaways. The girls did it justice and managed to sing well enough to distract us from their hideous styling. It was like a graffiti fight had taken place in H&M and the girls had to wear the outcome. I still don’t know any of their names but I think they’ll do well this year, as the other groups feel a bit dated.  Their vocals aren’t even that strong but as they seem like nice girls, I hope they survive for a while.

NuVibe.  Poor babies. They sang as if they knew they didn’t deserve to be there. Their version of With Or Without You was kinda off. I think there were about four notes that didn’t sound horrendous. The boys should have known they were on borrowed time as they had the death spot and even Louis didn’t like them.

The Risk had moments where they sounded half decent and then others where they really didn’t. Luckily for them there’s no value in Syco splitting the boy band vote AND NuVibe were rubbish, so The Risk lived to sing another day. Regardless of their voices, their performance upset me for two reasons. One: they sang Bruno Mars and I feel like that man is plaguing my life. He is everywhere. Two: They were perched on chairs and didn’t do the stand up at the key change thing we’ve all come to expect. Proper shoddy work.   Continue reading

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The X Factor: A vat of tepid skimmed milk and Misha B

We did it. We puffed and panted our way through the auditions, boot camp and judges’ houses. Now it’s time for us to all to face the music. It’s the lives!!

Now we’ve got the lives, I’m not sure it was worth all the effort.  The song choices were lazy and the whole show was a bit boring. It was one of the worst opening live shows I can remember. Apart from Misha B, it was like being force-fed a vat of tepid skimmed milk. Bland.

The boys

This is always a hard category to stand out in. It’s either full of cocksure wannabes or pallid bores designed to tug at the nation’s heartstrings.

In the former category we have Frankie C. Jesus H Christ, someone get that boy a jug of Bromide. The whole way through the competition his arrogant, arse bearing, too much swagger for his age shtick has got on my last nerve. Then, in an attempt to “humanise” the little brat, we had to sit through him going all emotional and ruining an Ed Sheeran song. Seriously bruv, the young girls may like you but your vocal is wack. That breathy Pete Doherty shit will only take you so far. (Yes, I am aware that combined heat generated from the loins of the tweenagers he excites may well propel him to the final. Sad times).

James was definitely in the pallid bores category. When he rocked up for his week in the sun at judges’ houses I had no idea who he was. I thought he was just wearing a hat to avoid springing for the litres of conditioner it would take to keep his curly mane manageable in the heat. I didn’t even realise that was his “thing.” He’s this year’s Twat in a Hat, if you will. What can I say about his singing? Hmm, the song they gave him was so wrong. In the first week we need a performance that drags us in and makes us pay attention, or a faultless vocal. His warbling while clutching on to a guitar simply wasn’t good enough. He deserved to be dispatched this week.

Craig and Marcus both did well. Marcus was flanked by female dancers and did look a bit awkward but there were moments where his vocal was pretty good. There were also moments when he sounded less than ideal but I think he just about pulled it off. Poor Craig, I’m amazed he even made it onto the stage after a week that looked like hell for the poor boy. I have no idea why we had to see him being starved and run ragged in his opening VT. Oh, yeah, it’s to give him stamina, or help with the high notes or something. If I remember rightly, they tried the same thing on Paige last year. I can’t believe the X Factor producers don’t see how damaging it is to show a boy being forced to exercise in order to win a talent contest. Don’t even get me started on Louis and his “it’s nice to see you taking it seriously by losing weight” comment. Bastard. Anyways, aside from all of this Craig took to the stage and sang his little heart out.   Continue reading

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