It’s been a massive year in Emmerdale with errant lumps of Jimmy sperm leading to surprise births, have a go heroes drowning after being blasted with flare guns and Kerry having a shot at being a novelist and we have gasped, laughed and watched in awe all along the way.
But, as well as being entertained, it’s important that we learn lessons too. So what can we take from Emmerdale’s wacky 2014 that will help us survive life in 2015? 20 lessons I have learned that will change all our lives for ever; here they are:
1) If you are going to donate sperm next year at any point (it’s certainly on my to do list) try and remember that you have done it and ensure that you inform your better half. These things have a habit of coming back and biting you on the ankles.
2) Never hire Kerry as a ghost writer. If Zoella had done this, her debut novel wouldn’t have just beaten 50 Shades of Grey, it would have emulated it too. Look no further than the adventures of Kitty and Randy for proof.
MORE: Exclusive extracts from Kerry’s novel about Kitty and Randy
3) Cougars will always turn psychotic and dress up in your next bride’s wedding dress. Bear this in mind when you’re taking lessons from the older woman next door, particularly if she owns a beauty salon and likes a swig of whisky.
4) Trying to steal pigs is a bad idea. The likelihood of you bringing home the bacon successfully is low.
5) If your husband’s infant daughter is grieving over the death of her mother, the best approach probably isn’t to throw selfish strops and get drunk on wine behind the wheel. This makes you seem a bit like a…well, a complete bitch actually.
Belle Dingle is back in the Dales fold and dayyyuuum, that girl’s got attitude. She has a good right to however; she’s just left imprisonment for the accidental killing of her best friend and is still haunted by the fateful day that a bit of a shove sent Gemma off this mortal coil. It isn’t helping, of course, that she feels everyone is gawping and talking about her; not least of all newcomer Lachlan, a worryingly irritating addition to the otherwise fantastic White family who took Belle on a hot chocolate date purely because he wanted to know what it was like to kill someone. Not the best chat up line to open with; I always find that the discussion of previous murders is a second date kind of thing, but that’s just me.
She went on to have a run in with the surly Gabby, who can do no wrong in Bernice’s eyes, but the wee bratette soon regretted getting on Bad Belle’s wrong side when she was warned that she could follow in Gemma’s clumsy footsteps and become the latest murdered schoolgirl of the Dales. Bernice was none too happy with this development and she wasted no time in confronting Lisa, who returned home to find the word MURDERER daubed across the Dingle walls. It was no Banksy, but it had the desired effect of unnerving everyone.
I love Emmerdale at the moment. It’s a show that has always been able to blend warm drama, excellent humour and nail biting drama effectively and it’s currently firing on all cylinders.
Soaps go through the biggest peaks and troughs of any television medium. Considering they have to churn out several episodes per week and still be expected to remain fresh and original, it’s really no surprise that there are seasons when the shows almost hit the skids. There was a point this time last year when BBC’s EastEnders looked like it was on its last legs, but its recent reinvigoration has really turned things around.
Emmerdale, however, has remained steadily consistent, hitting us recently with yet another blockbuster storyline that had it all. I am, of course, talking about Donna’s downfall, which pulled a range of characters into an emotional scenario that was both thrilling and moving.
Emmerdale played a blinder, keeping the eventual outcome of Donna’s rooftop death a surprise for viewers. The fallout from the tragic events has been heart-wrenching to watch, with particularly notable performances from Michael Parr as the tortured Ross Barton and Mark Charnock as Marlon, the grieving dad of Donna’s daughter, April. Continue reading