“I’ve just been watching that new Chris Moyles thing,” Mr PLA said. “David Walliams is humping somebody again.” Turn on any panel-type quiz show and the chances are pretty high that you’ll find David Walliams pretending to hump someone. In this case it was Peter Andre, who has surely suffered enough.
Now, I like a good sexual innuendo as much as the next person. I was practically brought up on giving Julian Clary a warm hand on his entrance. But the thing with Julian Clary is that he has charm, style and charisma to spare, whereas David Walliams is just… embarrassing. There are obviously people who find him hilarious (one has gone to the trouble of editing “highlights” from an appearance on 8 Out of 10 Cats), but he makes me feel all creepy with his lechy manner and his great big face.
This may just be me, though, so feel free to tell me I’m very, very wrong and he is, in fact, a comedy genius.
There are some right wimps in the jungle this year. Yes, Gino D’Acampo, I’m talking about you. First we learned that Gino is scared of spiders and is a bit of a wuss generally. Last night we discovered that his view of women is somewhat Ruskin-esque: he shudders at the very thought of a woman burping or farting. On the two occasions that Mrs D’Acampo has burped in his presence, he hasn’t spoken to her for 24 hours. Ant and Dec speculated that Mrs D must be at home now relishing the opportunity to fart like a trooper in the comfort of her own home. It’s going to be a shock for Gino, sharing a dunny with six women living on a bean-rich diet. Presumably Mrs D doesn’t do stinky poos either.
It’s a woman’s world in the jungle camp so far. Apart from Colin and Justin, the men have receded into the background, apparently in complete thrall to the sheer volume of mammaries on display. Colin explained that gay men are completely obsessed by boobs, and his partner Justin did seem to find the subject of Katie Price’s enhancements fascinating, but in quite a scientific way. What size were they? How much did they weigh individually? Were they hard or squishy? Justin wanted detail.
Meanwhile, it seems that Team Andre have Katie’s voting number on speed-dial, because she’s pencilled in for her second bushtucker trial later today. You had to feel for the poor woman yesterday, stuck underground in a deep, dark tunnel full of cockroaches, toads and rushing water. She was absolutely terrified, shaking and hyperventilating when they took the lid off (ok, the tunnel wasn’t as deep as it looked) to pull her out. Let’s just hope that, in her terror, she remembered that she’s a lady first and foremost, and didn’t let out a little gas. Gino would never forgive her.
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