The moment Tyrone approached her in the quietest nightclub in the country and she eagerly got her claws into him, I knew there was something not right with Kirsty. She follows all of the Street’s regular rules for being an established psychopath and I can guarantee that within six months from now, she will be driving her cop car into a canal with Tyrone and Tina tied up inside or she’ll be blowing up the garage.
How do I know this? Well, just take a look at the quirks and rules followed by previous Street fruitcakes and see how many boxes loopy Kirsty ticks…
Corrie Psycho Rule Number One: Develop an inexpicably over the top obsession in a somewhat bland love interest. Let’s face it, despite his adorable, teddy bear-esque nature, Tyrone is no oil painting. He’s not really even a Crayola Wax crayon scrawl. Sure, there are many women who would love to give him a hug and tell him that there is someone out there for him, but not many would be willing to actually BE that woman. Well, Kirsty isn’t just being that woman, she’s excelling to the point where she wants to spend 24 hours of each and every day in his company. Maria and Molly couldn’t even cope with evenings in front of the box with him! So is Kirsty besotted and sees a side in the bumbling mechanic that no one else does or is she several tangerines short of a fruit basket? Continue reading
Veteran Corrie viewers will remember a time when the dashing Richard Hillman (or as his long suffering missus Gail called him as a pet name: ‘Norman Bates with a Briefcase’) prowled the cobbles sniffing out one victim after another. As he deliberated over whether to club the local pensioner with a spade or a crowbar, there was somebody who was on his case all along.
Audrey Roberts (with a little help from her friends Norris and Archie) can suss anyone out a mile off. When Maria started melting towards the next dashing killer Tony Gordon, Audrey warned the lass off. Audrey knows. So why won’t Gail listen to her!?
She’s always right about her men and this time is no different. All along Audrey has had a bad feeling about Joe. I don’t know if the public smashing up of a clinic to get at prescription drugs was a telltale sign, but Audrey had his card marked ever since. And the warnings began. And Gail didn’t listen.
Joe got into debt. Joe bought a boat despite said debt. Joe concocted a web of lies. Joe got embroiled in the shady world of loan sharks. Joe had a violent outburst at Gail in the middle of the Street. Joe concocted a plan to fake his own death. Joe threw Gail off of his boat when she tried to stop him and then he sailed off into distance.
And still, STILL Gail stands by him. David, while not the most stable of men himself, was spot on tonight in calling his mother a fool.
No word from Joe for a week, loan shark threatening Tina and Audrey loyally trying to make her daughter see sense and we end another episode with Gail sitting saying she has to stand by Joe as he’s a good man.
“You do this everytime!” cried a frustrated Audrey.
You’ve brought all this on yourself Gail! You should have listened to your mother…
Posted by Our Man in the North (see all Coronation Street posts)
If only Joe McIntyre had consulted me, I had a great plan worked out to get him out of debt. Sell that bloody great boat that’s been parked out the front of the house for months! And stop going on holidays to “cottages” that cost about a grand a week to rent. Sell the house, live above the hairdresser’s, send David to live with Audrey. Problems all solved.
Joe, however, had a better plan. Use said expensive holiday cottage as a base from which to sail off in said boat and stage own death. Gail gets the life insurance and pays off the loan shark – assuming he hasn’t Done Her In first – and then Joe, who has been sojourning in Ireland (north or south, he hadn’t quite decided) reappears and everyone’s happy.
You can see why Gail wasn’t thrilled to hear about this, but even if it had been a decent plan, the only thing you can rely on with Joe is his unreliability. He’s only gone and fallen into the water. As far as we know, he’s properly drowned. We left Gail snivelling on the lakeside, still under the illusion that he’s on his way west rather than straight down.
Poor Gail. Why can’t the Corrie scriptwriters give that poor woman a break?
Posted by PLA (see all Corrie posts)
Yesterday’s Corrie episode started where the previous one had left off – Gail was still sitting on a wall, Tony and Carla were still prowling round the graveyard, and Rosie was barricaded in the factory office with mascara all over her face. It took me back to the glory days when Rosie and Craig Harris were Goths and used to spend long, fun-filled days scowling at the world and talking about death and painting their fingernails. Happy times.
Kevin attempted to console his eldest by telling her that it was perhaps a blessing that all her money had gone, because “it brought nowt but trouble.” And an adorable little car, several handbags and all those lovely shoes, Kevin, you heartless mechanic. Sophie proffered psychobabble and sweet tea, which Rosie rejected on the grounds that it would ruin her figure. When Rosie says stuff like that, you know she’s going to be ok – and her mascara had been reinstated by then as well.
If only a dab of makeup would sort out Tony Gordon’s problem, which is how to handle vengeful ex-wife and Queen of the Night Carla. But when people are in extremis they reach for their tried-and-trusted fixes. For Rosie this is makeup. For Tony, it’s Jimmy Dockerson. Remember Jimmy Dockerson? The one who actually ran Liam over; the one who put the frighteners on lovely old Jed Stone? He’s being enlisted to deal with The Carla Situation.
Meanwhile, Gail is coming round to the idea of having a boat parked in her front garden. She perked up around the time Joe told her he reckoned he could get £7,000 for it once he’s done it up, which would only cost a few hundred. David has started reminiscing about all the happy times the Platt family spent fishing in his youth. I’ve been watching Corrie since I was in nappies and I don’t remember them ever going fishing or mentioning it, but hey-ho, whatever keeps David happy is fine by me.
And Tyrone gave Molly a home gym for her birthday, so she doesn’t have to go out to the gym on cold, dark nights. Kevin and the Mollster are going to have to think up another excuse for their little trysts now.
Posted by PLA
There were plenty of shocks in last night’s Corrie, the biggest one being the return of the magnificent Carla Connor. How I’ve missed her raven-haired loveliness, the sarcasm, the put-downs, the voice that carries the whole of her “I came from a Manchester council estate and look at me now” back story in its husky Manc drawl. In short – I’ve missed the bitch.
Fittingly, she chose Liam’s graveside to loom terrifyingly at Tony. Well, we can’t have him being too happy, and he was threatening to settle down with Maria and the baybeh and live happily ever after. But here’s Carla to gently remind him that he’s a murderer. A fact that she is willing to keep quiet as long as he signs over his part of the factory to her. She wants her knicker empire back.
She already owns the other half. Rosie thought she owned it, but in shock number two, Luke Strong has done a runner with the remainder of John Stape’s granny’s cottage money (which Rosie transferred to him to buy up his factory shares), so Rosie is left with nowt. You can imagine Sally’s reaction to that.
You can also imagine Gail’s reaction to the news that Joe has bought a knackered old boat and parked it in front of her house. Joe, who doesn’t quite inhabit the real world, thought she’d be thrilled. “Sometimes,” said Gail, slumping down onto a nearby wall, “Just sometimes, you need to sit down.” Sentiments no doubt echoed by Rosie and Tony.