Let’s hope for Bill’s sake that Sookie won’t judge him too harshly by the company he keeps. Okay, so she crashed his party, but his friends sure weren’t welcoming. Not only did they fail to offer her a drink, they attempted to take a drink from her. Gentleman Bill was damn slow off the mark getting to his feet and rescuing her sweet-smelling neck from their evil fangs, and once he did, he simply repeated, ‘Sookie’s mine’, over and over, till audience, cast, and for all I know, crew, were shouting, ‘Yeah, Bill, we know!’
Sookie, always towards the insane end of being able to live independently, really went off the rails this week. First she had a bonkers argument with Bill, in which she expressed revulsion at the news that he was dead. Huh? What did you think, Sookie? That is vampires’ main USP, after all. All these weeks you’ve been banging on about their right to a place in polite society, didn’t you bother to find anything out about them? Didn’t you read ‘Vampires for Dummies?’ They suck blood, and they are DEAD. That’s sort of the main thing about them.
So we’d only just got over finding out that our heroine was dumber than a box of hair, when she started to, ahem, pleasure herself left, right, and mainly centre. Okay, doing it in bed, fair enough, sensible enough place for it; but on the steps of Bill’s house in broad daylight? Sister, you may not realise, being a bit on the gormless side, but that kind of behaviour sends a very particular message.
Meanwhile, another of Boring Jason’s interchangeably tarty girlfriends got killed off. Though I didn’t get to see that, as the electric meter at Channel 4 ran out of 5p’s with two minutes to go, something I don’t remember happening to a telly programme since ‘Rent-a-Ghost’ in 1977. Still, it wasn’t too challenging to work it out: Dawn hadn’t showed for work and Sookie knocked on her trailer door going, ‘Honey, you’ve overslept’. Then she entered the room and walked slowly towards the bedroom, to the accompaniment of creepy music. Somehow, I managed to guess that the following missing scene contained Sookie screaming and Dawn of the Dead on the Bed (as indeed it proved on Catch-Up).
Anyhow, ladies, take a tip from me. Not only is Jason the human equivalent of a slow paint dry; sleeping with him will end in your abrupt demise. Take a rain-check, okay? Go screw someone with a lower body count in their personal history. Sam the barman, for instance. Tara took my advice immediately, suggesting to Sam that, despite them having zero chemistry, and he being in love with Sookie, and she being in love with Jason, they might as well sleep together on the grounds of, well actually I don’t know what the grounds were, apart from the script-writers panicking that no-one had shagged anyone for ten minutes.
Not that we saw anything, for a change, because one minute they were kissing and then, ta-da, they were post-coitally asleep, the covers demurely up to Tara’s chin. Actually Tara was wide awake and listening to Sam snoring, leading to the best-delivered line of the series so far: Tara told Lafayette that Sam barked in his sleep, and he replied with great panache, ‘White people are sterrrr-ange.’
Lafayette would certainly be right to say this with regard to old Jason, who bought some vampire blood off him in the belief that it would give him a seriously hard hard-on; but couldn’t pay and ended up, in the most bizarre scene of a bizarre episode, dancing round the living room in his kecks and a mask so that Lafayette could film him for some pervey purpose which I am too naïve to understand. Sterrr-ange to tell, even this extraordinary interlude didn’t make Jason interesting.
Posted by Qwerty