Tag Archives: Claudia Winkleman

Strictly: Murder off the dance floor

I'm killing off that bloody Forsyth and no one can stop me

I’m killing off that bloody Forsyth and no one can stop me

Yes, I’m sure it’s the presence of Sophie ‘Murder on the Dancefloor’ Ellis-Bextor, especially in her flapper dress last night, that’s making me think that every year, Strictly gets more like an Agatha Christie ensemble piece. You’ve got all the stock characters. The pretty young things, the old rogues, the ageing glamour pusses, the screechy Welshmen and comic Geordies. Then there are all the Johnny Foreigner dancers. Ruskies and damn commie bastards. They may shake a fine leg at the old cha cha cha, but you can’t trust any of them. 

The thing about Strictly is that everyone is outwardly chummy and charming when we all know they’re all actually enormously competitive. Plus they’re stuck under hot lights in a sweaty, enclosed space wearing uncomfortable clothing. I, for one, would have very little difficulty imagining Anton du Beke as a murderous gigolo. Brucie was “missing” last night, and a girl could dream someone had bumped him off, his body lying unnoticed inside a tanning booth backstage for the fifteen hours it seemed to take to get through all the dances. The facade was that he had “flu” of course. But Tess and Claudia have been after the top compering job for years, I’m sure of it.

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Strictly Come Dancing: we made it through the pain

Irked I am. Again. I know if the planet had first been populated by people like me, humans would never have left the caves. They’d have been seating on a heap of woolly mammoth skins trying to draw reality TV scenes onto the cave wall.

Dancing is all very nice and all that, but I cannot be doing with the heroics. Poor, gorgeous Amazonian Jade has found out that she tore her knee ligament last week and so has to leave the programme. I’m sad about it because I wanted her to win. She was a magnificent example of a properly fit woman in motion, with quite the finest bottom I’ve ever seen. And Ian Waite is loveliness personified too.

They haven’t irked me, bless their sweet souls. It’s the discussions on the weeknight programme, It Takes Two that have got my goat and pulled its beard. James Jordan, mullet quiffed husband of Ola, was on the sofa telling Claudia that, if you’re a professional, you learn to ‘dance through the pain’ . Whilst dancing with Ola, she once broke his nose. He didn’t specify whether or not it was an accident, but he did snap it back in place and carry on dancing. Brave? Truly professional? Or just silly. The implication was that Laila should have danced better on her sprained ankle last week, grinning through the agony like he would have done. Makes you want to punch him and break his nose all over again doesn’t it?

And as for his wife, I’m not sure about her. Everyone finds little Chris Hollins being bossed around by Ola (‘Mrs Johnson’ to him), having his mouth taped up and nipples regularly violently tweaked  utterly adorable. In my book, it’s not adorable. I appreciate the skills of a skilled dominatrix as much as the next person, but I’d rather their skills were practised behind closed doors. Enough I tell you. And Chris, I suggest you slather on plenty of Vaseline and her vicious little Polish fingers will slide clean off.

The dance-off was between Laila Rouass and Ricky Groves. Since she was in the bottom spot because her ankle sprain meant she had only a short time to rehearse, Laila won the day. Probably a fair decision.

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Strictly Come Dancing: What a spectacle

Conga-mI didn’t bother blogging on Strictly last week, because it was all fairly pedestrian. But bloody hell did that change last night. Twistier than a drunken conga it was (not sure there has ever been a sober one), it began with Brucie’s absence due to ‘flu.

And so the surreal events began. It was like the ghost of Saturday Night past. Or half of it (not a size joke-I mean one half of a famous pair). Ronnie Corbett came down the stairs. A man who has not changed his style of eye-wear in forty years. And why should he? Flanked by two (apparently) very tall women, Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman, who was also drafted in to fit Brucie’s shoes. And she wears fabulous shoes, does Claudia. Anyway, it was a odd sensation looking at one of the two Ronnies, like the 70s had never gone away. I could feel hysterical laughter welling up inside me.

BRITAIN OLYMPICSThen when the couples came down the stairs, I spotted a bandage around the lower leg and ankle of Laila Rouass and wondered what that was about. Then the next bombshell. News that, gorgeous and normally fit as a freakishly fit fiddle, Jade Johnson, my favourite celebrity dancer, paired with my favourite professional dancer, Ian Waite, had knackered her knee in dress rehearsals. It upset me that, instead of rushing her to hospital in her lovely orange and black dress, she had to endure an interview about what had happened. As I understand it, if she is fit enough to dance next week, she will not be kicked off  the show (the rules state that, if you can’t dance under medical advice, you can skip a week only). 

But that wasn’t the end of the drama. When Laila and Anton came out to dance, we hear that she sprained her ankle, and her face looks rigid with pain. Dancing in heels on a sprained ankle? Really, it’s bloody madness and not surprisingly, she can’t make it to the end of the dance. Anton carries her over the judges, and Craig Revel Horwood gives her a score of 3. I felt sorry for the judges actually, what on earth are you supposed to do under those circumstances? She should not have been made/allowed to dance, but the reason she did was that, however painful (and stupid, some might say) dancing on a sprain does not apparently increase the damage, according to medical advice.

After the nightmare week of Ali Bastian being made to perform in the dance-off with a broken/bruised toe, the voting public kept Leila and Anton out of the bottom two. This left Ricky Groves (in specs for the first time, which I rather liked, being a specs wearer myself -you don’t see them on TV that much) and Phil Tufnell. Ricky got more votes (although it was a close run thing-Len Goodman had the deciding vote), so Tuffers is out. He damaged his knee a few weeks ago, which required an op,  and the knee had been playing up in rehearsals this week. I couldn’t help but wonder if Len went for the man less likely to be stretchered off in the last few weeks of the show.

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