Tag Archives: Ben

Big Brother: I knew I’d seen that hair before!

Bloody hell! Just realised, probably weeks after the rest of the world, that I’ve seen Big Brother’s strangely quiffed Ben on telly before. It was Celebrity Come Dine With Me, when Raef from the Apprentice was on it. Raef is another preposterously posh public school boy clearly accustomed to having staff clear up his muck and do his bidding. He and Ben between them make one perfect Bertie Wooster. It didn’t even occur to him on Come Dine With Me that he was cheating by having a butler and assorted other staff clear up after him. But as well as the domestic staff, in this instance, Ben appeared as his kitchen bitch. Was he once his fag at school? We should be told. Apparently, according to Raefy, who appeared on BBLB on Sunday, they are ‘mates’ and they regularly share clothes.

Raef was actually quite amusing in the face of hippy Lynne ‘reputed inspiration behind Ab Fab‘s Eddy’ Franks’ belly dancer. ‘Look at the bazookas on that’ were his words afterward gazing openly at them the whole time she was dancing. The odd thing is that Raef, like Ben, purports to be straight and go through the motions of being lecherous, yet are the least sexual straight men I’ve ever come across. When looking at or commenting on women they seem more like characters from Viz than studmuffins.

Posted by Inkface


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Big Brother: get over it, Mario!

Pretty people are often not very pretty inside. It’s sad but true.

I adore Mario, I do. He’s so gorgeous and he has a lovely voice. But I’m getting a wee bit sick of the ‘I’m finally realising what your true character is’ schtick with regards to Ben. Wake up and smell the public school tie, Mario. Ben is not a character from Evelyn Waugh. He’s pretty for sure, even if his hair is ridiculous, he is slightly amusing to watch and has a lovely pouty mouth but he is, and always has been, sly, utterly self-serving, self-absorbed and fundamentally untrustworthy.

Mario did what we all do with people we fancy – we are blind to what they are really like. We see what we want to see, because it makes us feel happy to do so. Ben hasn’t deceived  him. He liked having an adoring side-kick, every bit as much as Caoimhe liked the admiration of Shabby. But neither ever intended to have sex or a proper equal relationship with either of them.

It made them feel good about themselves to be admired, but when it all got too difficult, both Caoimhe and Ben weaselled out and took no responsibility for what they had done with all the flirting and intimacy. Cheap and nasty, but not really unusual. We’ve probably all done it to someone who had a crush on us. Mario knew Ben was straight. It wasn’t rocket science to work the rest out. Now he’s finally got it and is hurt, but really Mario, move on. The man’s a fool with the moral integrity of a sewer rat and you’re worth better than that.

And Caoimhe? Back off from slagging off Corin you malevolent  horror.

Posted by Inkface


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Big Brother: return to the ‘bungalow of the damned’

I’m quoting the divine Grace Dent in the title, for no particular reason other than the woman is a genius, and it has been her witty commentaries over the years (and some kick-ass shoes) that have vastly added to my BB viewing pleasure.

So here we all are then (those that are still bothering to watch it anyway). My first blog on the last series. I’ve been a bit slow off the mark because there are too many names to cope with still, and I’ve been keeping only half an eye on it (i-dent that, channel 4).

But I’ve been getting more bothered, gradually. Dave the Preacher? Bad hair, bad glasses. I’d forgive both, but a homophobic bigot hiding under the brown monkish cloak of smug, know-it-all, self-satisfied bollocks religious justification -‘God loves all of us, but I’d never perform a civil partnership ceremony because gays are damned to eternal hellfire’. Damn him I say. I see you preacher for what you are.

Ben the posh blonde one with troublesome hair? He quite amused me for 5 minutes in a Sebastian Flyte sort of way because Mario the mole (as was) adored him and I formed a soft spot for Mario. But after I saw Ben nicking the onions that current BB kitchen lord, Nathan, had pre-prepared for the evening meal, he’s gone right down in my estimation. Spoilt little public schoolboy brat, used to getting his own way and being effing superior.

I started, briefly, to feel sorry for him over the ‘Shabby going mad after he suggested that she, as an actress, hams it all up a bit’ incident because she is so incredibly explosive and he was flogging a dead, slightly mad horse trying to apologise. But on the other hand he should have just walked away and not been convinced by a very young and a bit silly Caoimhe to keep trying. I find Shabby fascinating to watch, but she’s probably not easy to live with.

Mind you, neither is Sunshine. Did I remember rightly that she said her mum died when she was 17? Might explain a lot, but she’ll never do well in a huge group unless she can learn to merge better (being vegan on a shared shopping budget, being scared of heights for the first task, and a bit wet on the cheese task hasn’t endeared her to people-but having said that, her main enemy, Govan, looks to be a nasty, divisive, bitchy piece of work, so part of me feels sorry for Sunshine).

Keeping an eye on the John James/Rachael situation. I’m not that clever at understanding the flirting games people play, and I had thought he and Josie liked each other, but as I said to start off with, I’ve only been watching with half an eye.

Suspect Sunshine may go on Friday (the contestant who goes under that appallingly ill-chosen self-made-up name; I’m not a weather forecaster), unless there are other developments I’ve been missing, Rachael is more unpopular than I’d realised, or the voting public hate Shabby.

Posted by Inkface

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Outnumbered: Lots of number two’s

I don’t know why I like Outnumbered, it’s too much like real life. Mr Qwerty always covers his eyes if he goes near the telly when it’s on: ‘No! Not more children!’ After a knackering day at the coalface of buoyant, lippy kids, it is fairly masochistic to watch other buoyant lippy kids outwitting their parents. The parents in Outnumbered are easily outwitted, in fact, because they have no parenting strategies, e.g. they don’t shout. It’s the most unbelievable part of the show. If I had a child like Ben, I would spend twelve hours every day yelling and have to retire in the evening with a Fisherman’s Friend.

This wasn’t a classic episode, but it was fun watching them trail round London as I’ve been doing just that for the Easter hols, forcing the Qwertlets round the science museum. How marvellous to see Mum carrying Karen’s coat in the art gallery; it’s these little unsung aspects of parenting that Outnumbered depicts so well. Such as small children opening the loo before you’re ready. I have caused a stir by this very means in our local Pizza Express.

Karen’s best scene: her outrage that people could be stupid enough to believe in wishes and put money in fountains. Too right, kid. She’ll be sorting out homeopathy and astrology next.

Karen’s best line: when she listed all the people you mustn’t be prejudiced against, and threw away right at the end, ‘people who come from Liverpool’.

Best Ben moment: Dad asking him if he was allowed to be up on the side of the ship, and Ben’s slightly amazed, ‘No, I don’t think I am’. Ben’s always somewhere he isn’t supposed to be; he cannot do otherwise. If he ever turned up in the right place at the right time, the universe would fold in on itself.

Most like real life: Going past Downing Street and seeing Number Ten, Karen immediately calculated that a number ten could in fact be five number two’s. Oh, how many such conversations have I had?

Off to bed now to grab a few hours’ sleep before the Qwertlets wake at dawn and jump on my head, insisting I join their ongoing discussion of the glory of poo.

Posted by Qwerty


Filed under Comedy