The moment Tyrone approached her in the quietest nightclub in the country and she eagerly got her claws into him, I knew there was something not right with Kirsty. She follows all of the Street’s regular rules for being an established psychopath and I can guarantee that within six months from now, she will be driving her cop car into a canal with Tyrone and Tina tied up inside or she’ll be blowing up the garage.
How do I know this? Well, just take a look at the quirks and rules followed by previous Street fruitcakes and see how many boxes loopy Kirsty ticks…
Corrie Psycho Rule Number One: Develop an inexpicably over the top obsession in a somewhat bland love interest. Let’s face it, despite his adorable, teddy bear-esque nature, Tyrone is no oil painting. He’s not really even a Crayola Wax crayon scrawl. Sure, there are many women who would love to give him a hug and tell him that there is someone out there for him, but not many would be willing to actually BE that woman. Well, Kirsty isn’t just being that woman, she’s excelling to the point where she wants to spend 24 hours of each and every day in his company. Maria and Molly couldn’t even cope with evenings in front of the box with him! So is Kirsty besotted and sees a side in the bumbling mechanic that no one else does or is she several tangerines short of a fruit basket? Continue reading
It’s coming to something (old age, perhaps?) when you find yourself sharing an object of lust with Audrey Roberts from Coronation Street.
No, I’m not talking about Nigel Havers – do behave yourself. I’m talking about the man she’s currently bickering with Rula Lenska about. Audrey calls him Marc. I call him actor Andrew Hall. Or, more properly, I call him Russell Parkinson from 70s-80s sitcom Butterflies.
Ah, Russell… I used to get quite breathless when he was on-screen. Maybe it was his very figure-hugging jeans and lovely loose shirts. Or his lovely curly hair and firm jawline. Russell was always successful with the “chicks,” but could be kind and sensitive and (when provoked) nice to his long-suffering mum. He was cool, albeit in a slightly embarrassing, scripted-by-an-older-person kind of way, but he carried it off well.
Unlike his Butterflies “brother” Nicholas Lyndhurst, who went on to become a household face thanks to Only Fools and Horses etc, Andrew Hall kind of faded from televisual view. He’s had bit parts in Holby, Casualty and EastEnders (he was the man Janine almost slept with the night before she married Ryan), but has mainly been working in theatre as an actor and director.
So how has he aged (he’s now in his mid-50s)? Well, with that bone structure you’re never going to go far wrong, and he’s still pretty handsome (though PLA Jr reckons he speaks without his top and bottom teeth ever losing contact with each other). And he’s still got the fabulous, posh caramel voice that used to make my teeny toes curl. Most definitely worth fighting Rula Lenska for.
Posted by PLA (also in the Corrie-related Lustbox: Linus Roache, Anthony Valentine and Rob James-Collier)
Coronation Street is not every person’s cup of tea but, what struck me when watching an extremely uneventful episode last night, is that it’s probably the only show which I can still enjoy even though literally nothing happens.
Corrie pulls off the risky formula of simplicity is best. Soaps tend to be over the top, unrealistic and hectic (Corrie included, if you look at the ongoing Tony saga) but sometimes it’s just as enjoyable to watch the characters you know and love just going about their normal lives, without sleeping with eachothers’ friends/relatives/pets or stabbing eachother when they bring you the wrong flavour of crisps.
Take last night. What exactly happened? There were no major storylines, no window shaking showdowns, no punch ups, no sordid bunk ups. Audrey went to a party with Rula Lenska to find Rita cosying up to the same man she likes (and by cosying up, I mean sharing a drink and fluttering one’s eyelashes, this is no passionate, every-position affair) Becky asked a friend’s advice on adoption. Rosie searched Ebay for a tracksuit. Graeme wound Norris up a little bit, for a laugh. A chocolate egg went missing.
That was it. As always, with Corrie, the episode was character and dialogue driven instead of plot driven. It’s the little things that matter when it comes to Coronation Street. It’s an institution, people all over the country know these characters better than their own neighbours so when the team of marvellous writers pen a witty line and the character delivers it you can sit there and say ‘oh that is so typical of Liz!’ (Don’t say it out loud if there are others in the room).
That’s the beauty of Corrie. In an episode where Audrey and Rita sniped cattily at each other, Norris’ hunt for gossip over a chocolate egg was fruitless and Hayley was just being lovely Hayley, nothing needs to happen. You’re just spending half an hour with some characters you know.
Posted By Our Man In The North
Veteran Corrie viewers will remember a time when the dashing Richard Hillman (or as his long suffering missus Gail called him as a pet name: ‘Norman Bates with a Briefcase’) prowled the cobbles sniffing out one victim after another. As he deliberated over whether to club the local pensioner with a spade or a crowbar, there was somebody who was on his case all along.
Audrey Roberts (with a little help from her friends Norris and Archie) can suss anyone out a mile off. When Maria started melting towards the next dashing killer Tony Gordon, Audrey warned the lass off. Audrey knows. So why won’t Gail listen to her!?
She’s always right about her men and this time is no different. All along Audrey has had a bad feeling about Joe. I don’t know if the public smashing up of a clinic to get at prescription drugs was a telltale sign, but Audrey had his card marked ever since. And the warnings began. And Gail didn’t listen.
Joe got into debt. Joe bought a boat despite said debt. Joe concocted a web of lies. Joe got embroiled in the shady world of loan sharks. Joe had a violent outburst at Gail in the middle of the Street. Joe concocted a plan to fake his own death. Joe threw Gail off of his boat when she tried to stop him and then he sailed off into distance.
And still, STILL Gail stands by him. David, while not the most stable of men himself, was spot on tonight in calling his mother a fool.
No word from Joe for a week, loan shark threatening Tina and Audrey loyally trying to make her daughter see sense and we end another episode with Gail sitting saying she has to stand by Joe as he’s a good man.
“You do this everytime!” cried a frustrated Audrey.
You’ve brought all this on yourself Gail! You should have listened to your mother…
Posted by Our Man in the North (see all Coronation Street posts)