Tag Archives: alan halsall

Coronation Street: Where are you sticking that banana?

medium_i8mWYB5FgnmANF-9Im0Mqn_WHv1-PpR2yrr5tconb8MLast night’s Corrie double had it all didn’t it? Ongoing feuds exploding across the Street, veiled threats of prison violence, dodgy ex husbands threatening suicide whilst preparing a reunion dinner, exhaust pipes being stuffed with fruit, dog-napping by a child assisted by lesbian teens, pill popping mothers lying to GPs and, of course Gerogia May Foote dressed to the nines in a lovely blue number for the standard Weatherfield Monday night out.

The main story of the night was Todd inserting his banana into an exhaust pipe (please, do grow up) in order to cause a distraction that would allow him to sneak into the garage and steal an apple. No, you haven’t wandered into an alternate dimension; this was genuinely the basis of the main storyline from last night’s Corrie. And still, it outrated every other TV show yesterday by over a million viewers.

Let’s delve a little deeper (into the storyline, forget Todd’s banana). Todd is feeling a little put out as he is taking the flack for something which is almost entirely his fault. Wanting to lash out at Tyrone and Foghorn Fiz, he decided to leave a chilling message by nabbing the remainder of Luke’s lunch from under their noses.   Continue reading

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Coronation Street: The Rovers burns!

coronation street fireSo the Rovers Return as we know it is no more. Gutted (or “ga’id” as they say on EastEnders) by a fire started by the ghastly Carl, which has claimed the life of expendable only-here-for-the-plot firefighter Toni and is presumably about to claim the life of Sunita (since Shobna Gulati is no longer working for Coronation Street). Presumably it’s also claimed the memorial picture of Betty Williams that used to hang on the wall, too.

The fire scenes were rather exciting and well done, and quite amusingly juxtaposed with the team of “stripping” firefighters over at Nick’s Bistro.

Actually, most of the heat generated from the fire episodes will have been from viewers cringing with embarrassment at the sight of the likes of Factory Owner Rob, Jason the Builder and Dr Carter gyrating toplessly (and cluelessly, in most cases). I was especially shocked by Dr Carter’s behaviour. I know he’s meant to be youngish and trendyish and has already been out with Tina McIntyre (who dumped him because he was boring), but would a GP really get involved in stripping in front of his patients? If there isn’t something in the Hippocratic Oath about that, there should be. I can only thank every deity you can name that my GP hasn’t thought of doing it. Ugh.   Continue reading

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Coronation Street: Krazy Kirsty?

The moment Tyrone approached her in the quietest nightclub in the country and she eagerly got her claws into him, I knew there was something not right with Kirsty. She follows all of the Street’s regular rules for being an established psychopath and I can guarantee that within six months from now, she will be driving her cop car into a canal with Tyrone and Tina tied up inside or she’ll be blowing up the garage.

How do I know this? Well, just take a look at the quirks and rules followed by previous Street fruitcakes and see how many boxes loopy Kirsty ticks…

Corrie Psycho Rule Number One: Develop an inexpicably over the top obsession in a somewhat bland love interest. Let’s face it, despite his adorable, teddy bear-esque nature, Tyrone is no oil painting. He’s not really even a Crayola Wax crayon scrawl. Sure, there are many women who would love to give him a hug and tell him that there is someone out there for him, but not many would be willing to actually BE that woman. Well, Kirsty isn’t just being that woman, she’s excelling to the point where she wants to spend 24 hours of each and every day in his company. Maria and Molly couldn’t even cope with evenings in front of the box with him! So is Kirsty besotted and sees a side in the bumbling mechanic that no one else does or is she several tangerines short of a fruit basket? Continue reading

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Coronation Street: And there was a tram crash as well

OMITN has already covered this subject (and happy birthday, OMITN!  I’ll be popping out to Roy’s for a cake order later in your honour – do you fancy a vanilla slice or an eclair?), but I can’t resist chipping in with my thoughts about it as well.

For me what was so great about these two episodes was how brilliantly the scriptwriters had contrived to have three major, long-running plots all climaxing at the same time. There was the Molly/Tyrone/Kevin/Baby Jack story, which has been going on for over a year (I have to pause here to say, in among a host of brilliant performances last night Alan Halsall’s shone out); the Stape/Charlotte story (the moment when he threw the hammer at her was brilliant. Should I be ashamed to say there was cheering in my house?); and the Leanne/Nick/Peter saga. So many of the cast members were involved in these three stories, whether they knew it (Carla, Ken) or not (Fiz, the other Websters, Peter).

As if that wasn’t enough drama for one evening, the writers added in a missing child, and a slightly drunk pensioner balanced precariously on a stool trying to reach a box of chocs. This would have been plenty to get me chewing away at my fingernails and counting the minutes till the next episode, but then the wine bar goes and blows up, taking half the viaduct with it, which results in a tram crashing onto the cobbles below. Flippin’ ‘eck.

Coronation Street writers, not for the first time I take off my Percy Sugden cap and salute you.

The two big-budget, stunt-filled, high definition episodes sandwiched a showing of the first ever episode, from 1960. What a contrast. I haven’t seen this episode before, and what I found fascinating was the way key characters were introduced. We already had a good idea about what sort of woman “that Elsie Tanner” was before we saw her. Ken Barlow very soon showed that he was a snob even as a lad, and I loved the scene where the girlfriend who he thought was too good for Weatherfield was happy to hunker down on the front room carpet and help his brother change a tyre on his bike. Even in the first half hour, Corrie’s trademarks of strong characters, realistic speech, strong women and comedy were already established. And Ena Sharples’ first appearance was funnier than anything even Victoria Wood could have dreamed up.

And the rest of the week promises even more drama, with Molly and the baby trapped, Stape having a body to dispose of, and the whole thing sparking off post traumatic stress disorder for injured soldier Gary Windass. And several of the cast members will not be on the payroll this time next week. Who goes? It’s for the genius scriptwriters to know, and us to find out.

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Coronation Street: I know, I know, it’s serious

Jonathan Harvey, who wrote last night’s second episode of Coronation Street, has a wicked sense of humour.

As Tyrone and Molly drove away in a car which we knew had faulty brakes, what was playing on the radio? ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’ by Queen. Obviously “stopping” was shortly to become an issue. Tyrone twiddled with his radio knob (if car radios still have knobs) and the next track up was The Smiths’ ‘Girlfriend in a Coma.’ Yes, Mr Harvey, we get it – things are not going to turn out well for pregnant Molly and her hapless husband.

Mind you, a short period of time in a coma might be good for Molly’s complexion, as lately she’s taken to gurning with a ferocity that Steve McDonald can only dream about. There’s only so much one set of facial muscles can take without needing a prolonged spell of bed rest.

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Coronation Street: The glorious Jackie Dobbs

I know she’s not everyone’s cup of acting tea, but I always love Margi Clarke’s appearances on Corrie as Tyrone’s mother, Jackie Dobbs.

Jackie has her own barmy code of conduct. It’s ok for her to steal her darling son’s honeymoon tickets at his wedding, but it is not ok for anyone else to do him wrong. And Molly has done Tyrone wrong. Crashing into the Corner Shop like a pink-haired stormtrooper, Jackie confronted her erstwhile daughter-in-law, rather marvellously calling her a “plate-faced slapper with elevator knickers.” Jackie knows the type, you see – Jackie is the type. If she ever gets hold of Kevin Webster, there won’t be much left of him apart from a few chest hairs and a smear of oil.

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Coronation Street: Can I please adopt Tyrone Dobbs?

Monday’s Corrie was a total heartbreaker. Married only a year ago, Molly and Tyrone Dobbs quickly fell into  a life of cosy domesticity. This may have carried on indefinitely, had Molly not had a taste of the thrilling excitement that is Kevin Webster. By the apparently simple expedient of exchanging one dozy, hairy mechanic for another, she’s realised that she wants more from life.

“I want more from life,” she told her confused husband. He was confused because he’d already given her a karaoke machine for Christmas – what more from life could you want? You can’t be subtle with Tyrone, so she spelled it out for him. “I don’t love you any more.” Well, Tyrone’s little face.  Alan Halsall doesn’t often get to do much acting that doesn’t involve tucking enthusiastically into a pie/a pint/a good karaoke session, but when he does, he can break your heart.

Sadly Tyrone’s not the brightest spanner in the toolbox, and the best argument he could come up with to get Molly to stay was “We were the new Jack and Vera.” Who, apart from Tyrone, wouldn’t find that idea phenomenally depressing?

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