Category Archives: Big Brother

Ultimate Big Brother: Welcome back to the house of fun

There’s nothing I like on Big Brother more than a bit of True Romance. Which is why I stopped watching during the Josie/John James nonsense. Romance? Fauxmance, showmance, nomance. Josie is probably not as horrible as I think she is, but she’s certainly not as “lovely” as her Big Brother legend has recently portrayed her (conveniently forgetting the almighty strops, sulks and manipulative behaviour that reduced Caoimhe to tears more than once).

Anyway, she’s gone (hurrah!) which means I can enjoy Ultimate Big Brother properly now. And there’s a lot to enjoy. Nadia, for a start. There’s a woman who tells it like it is, but not to the point of cruelty. Then there’s the tragedy of Chantelle and Preston. She obviously loves the bones of him (and what’s not to love?), and they’re both really sad about the end of their marriage. Will he end up having to get the tattoo of his current girlfriend’s name lasered off his leg? Watch this space. Or rather, watch the space on Preston’s leg.

Brian Dowling is a less shrieky, more confident version of his former self, but he’s still reliable for a bitchy comment. John McCririck is totally cringeworthy, but sometimes (like when he demolished Makosi’s entire religious belief system with a few well-chosen words) he’s quite fabulous.

Apparently Michelle “No naked jacuzzis!” Bass and someone called Victor (I vaguely remember him) are supposed to be going in to a secret room tonight, to join the house proper at some point.  Add in a choice bit of meddling by the Tree of Temptation, and it’s all brewing up very nicely.

Posted by PLA


Filed under Big Brother

Big Brother: I knew I’d seen that hair before!

Bloody hell! Just realised, probably weeks after the rest of the world, that I’ve seen Big Brother’s strangely quiffed Ben on telly before. It was Celebrity Come Dine With Me, when Raef from the Apprentice was on it. Raef is another preposterously posh public school boy clearly accustomed to having staff clear up his muck and do his bidding. He and Ben between them make one perfect Bertie Wooster. It didn’t even occur to him on Come Dine With Me that he was cheating by having a butler and assorted other staff clear up after him. But as well as the domestic staff, in this instance, Ben appeared as his kitchen bitch. Was he once his fag at school? We should be told. Apparently, according to Raefy, who appeared on BBLB on Sunday, they are ‘mates’ and they regularly share clothes.

Raef was actually quite amusing in the face of hippy Lynne ‘reputed inspiration behind Ab Fab‘s Eddy’ Franks’ belly dancer. ‘Look at the bazookas on that’ were his words afterward gazing openly at them the whole time she was dancing. The odd thing is that Raef, like Ben, purports to be straight and go through the motions of being lecherous, yet are the least sexual straight men I’ve ever come across. When looking at or commenting on women they seem more like characters from Viz than studmuffins.

Posted by Inkface


Filed under Big Brother

Big Brother: get over it, Mario!

Pretty people are often not very pretty inside. It’s sad but true.

I adore Mario, I do. He’s so gorgeous and he has a lovely voice. But I’m getting a wee bit sick of the ‘I’m finally realising what your true character is’ schtick with regards to Ben. Wake up and smell the public school tie, Mario. Ben is not a character from Evelyn Waugh. He’s pretty for sure, even if his hair is ridiculous, he is slightly amusing to watch and has a lovely pouty mouth but he is, and always has been, sly, utterly self-serving, self-absorbed and fundamentally untrustworthy.

Mario did what we all do with people we fancy – we are blind to what they are really like. We see what we want to see, because it makes us feel happy to do so. Ben hasn’t deceived  him. He liked having an adoring side-kick, every bit as much as Caoimhe liked the admiration of Shabby. But neither ever intended to have sex or a proper equal relationship with either of them.

It made them feel good about themselves to be admired, but when it all got too difficult, both Caoimhe and Ben weaselled out and took no responsibility for what they had done with all the flirting and intimacy. Cheap and nasty, but not really unusual. We’ve probably all done it to someone who had a crush on us. Mario knew Ben was straight. It wasn’t rocket science to work the rest out. Now he’s finally got it and is hurt, but really Mario, move on. The man’s a fool with the moral integrity of a sewer rat and you’re worth better than that.

And Caoimhe? Back off from slagging off Corin you malevolent  horror.

Posted by Inkface


Filed under Big Brother

Big Brother: Shabby is as Shabby does

So Shabby has “walked” from the Big Brother house, opting to leave by the back door rather than face booing crowds on an eviction night sometime soon.

The house will be a tiny bit more boring without her, but whenever someone leaves, their loss is never as big as you expect it’s going to be (apart from when Federico went. I cried for, like, literally, minutes). No matter how “big” the character or how many arguments and passions they stirred up, there’ll be another controversy along in a minute to fill the void.

My feelings towards Shabby fluctuated a lot during her time as a housemate. To begin with, I really didn’t like her. Early on, Ben incurred her (petty, childish) wrath by saying he never knew when she was acting or not. A fair comment when directed at a professional actress, you’d think. She did her nut, dragging everyone else into her drama at the same time. How dare Ben accuse her of being anything other than her glorious self?

A day or two later, the Tree of Temptation showed us that Shabby is, indeed, perfectly capable of being deceptive, when she was told to talk to Ben all afternoon and give him 20 compliments. She did such a good job that everyone marvelled at how lovely she was and how nice that she and Ben could be friends. Meanwhile she couldn’t wait to tell Caoimhe how clever she was and how she really couldn’t stand Ben at all.

Then there was the “I love Caoimhe” business, which didn’t ring at all true to me, but what do I know. And then there were the bloody hats. Well done Big Brother for getting the Albert Steptoe one off her, but someone should have burned that furry thing with the earflaps while they were at it.

Anyway, after all that, I did start to like her a bit. There were hints of sweetness and vulnerability, fun and humour, an ability to laugh at herself. Maybe once the hat was gone, the true Shabby would emerge like a butterfly to spread love and joy all around her.

Well, that lasted about five minutes. Then she and Caoimhe decided to get bitchy in Ife’s direction, because Ife had had a drop of cider and was showing off her Tina Turner moves. “Cringe!” they mimed at her through the glass. How dare she look like she was having more fun than they were? Ife had it right when she described them as “mean girls.”

To be fair, Shabby looked genuinely sorry when she realised that Ife was properly upset. Unlike Caoimhe who resorted to “Don’t you dare raise your voice to me!” which is the close cousin of “Are you disrespecting me?” in the family of aggressive-yet-banal comments to introduce to an argument.

So Shabby is  gone, shuffling out of the diary room exit dressed, as usual, like a circus clown minus the big shoes and little car.

Meanwhile her former bezzie mate Caoimhe has won the “save and replace” task this week and thus escaped nomination. John-James and Nathan are now in the firing line for Friday. Who goes? You decide – but Josie’s going to be gutted either way.

Posted by PLA            (more Big Brother here)


Filed under Big Brother

Big Brother: enough playground drama

Really can’t be doing with any more attention on the dull-as-ditchwater interactions between Shabby and Caoimhe and playground sulks and tantrums. Psychologist, Judy James, on BBLB yesterday got it spot on as usual. Caoimhe has nothing going for her on her own. She doesn’t actually fancy Shabby but won’t say so directly because she needs to keep her as an ally. Shabby is a dominant character in the house, only by ‘virtue’ of being aggressive and drama queeny. I’m not utterly convinced Shabby fancies Caoimhe actually, but she certainly wants to seduce her, which isn’t always the same thing. It seems to me more about power and influence, camera time and having a trophy girlfriend than sex.

I enjoyed the sneak preview on BBLB of Ife telling the terrible duo that she was bored of their conversation. Well done. You spoke for all of us who are bored senseless by their creation of unnecessary trouble and strife. They stomped off to the garden in a gigantic am dram hissy fit of silliness of course. What does Steve make of all this I wonder, a man who has experienced enough of life to know that wasting energy stirring up conflict is a pretty pointless occupation?

I was, however, quite amused by Caoimhe’s feeling of Corin’s boobs. What I am sick of is hearing how much Dave is ‘drunk on spirit of our Lord’. I’d be inclined to force feed him Absinthe, see how much more of the almighty he feels then. I had no patience left after his revelation of himself as a homophobe (glad to see the housemates clocked it and used it as a reason to nominate him), but the point at which he suggested he could use the spirit of the Lord to re-grow Steve’s legs took it to the point of gross offensiveness. Stupid, arrogant, ignorant and dangerous. He makes a convincing argument for atheism though, I give him that. Because if there were a God, he or she would surely by now been forced to smite the bejesus out of such a knob-end, pretending to represent His Word on earth. I’m not keen on Govan, but I hope Dave gets the boot tomorrow and learns a bit of humility and sensitivity. Not that he ever will, the twerp.

Posted by Inkface


Filed under Big Brother

Big Brother: The Addams Family v the non-smokers

I can’t remember a more bad-tempered, fractious and fractured start to a Big Brother. Barely two weeks old, we’ve already had strops a-plenty and the house dividing up into groups.

One group, assembled early on by the unifying forces of nicotine addiction, gender and having “unusual” names, consists of Shabby, Caoimhe and Ife. They’ve been dubbed “the three witches” by posh, Weetabix-haired Ben. Hilarious and original, Ben! Shabby and crew are also referred to as The Addams Family, possibly because one of them has an Uncle Fester and gets her post delivered by a hand in a box. Or it might be because of Shabby’s eyeliner.

Ben and his sidekicks Mario, Dave and occasionally Steve and John James, have had more trouble coming up with a nickname for themselves. The best they could come up with yesterday was “The Non-Smokers.” They may not have the funniest lines, but at least they’ll have less risk of an early death from respiratory diseases.

John James is a strange soul. Blond surfer-looking boy with an Australian accent – you’d be thinking laid-back Antipodean cool. But he’s like Mr Angry, harrumphing round the place on the slightest pretext. The other night he was talking about how his father was killed in an accident a couple of years ago, and I can’t help wondering whether this has something to do with how brittle and vulnerable he can sometimes seem.

Talking of vulnerable, Govan had a bit of a moment yesterday. He’s worrying, as housemates do, about how he’s being perceived in the outside world. He had a little cry with Corin. She is so lovely, kind, funny and natural, and already I want her to win.

And as I type this with one hand, with the other I’m preparing a packed lunch so I can march on Borehamwood with my Get Shabby Out banner. What an irritating, self-promoting and unpleasant young woman she seems to be.

Posted by PLA          (more Big Brother posts here)


Filed under Big Brother

Big Brother: return to the ‘bungalow of the damned’

I’m quoting the divine Grace Dent in the title, for no particular reason other than the woman is a genius, and it has been her witty commentaries over the years (and some kick-ass shoes) that have vastly added to my BB viewing pleasure.

So here we all are then (those that are still bothering to watch it anyway). My first blog on the last series. I’ve been a bit slow off the mark because there are too many names to cope with still, and I’ve been keeping only half an eye on it (i-dent that, channel 4).

But I’ve been getting more bothered, gradually. Dave the Preacher? Bad hair, bad glasses. I’d forgive both, but a homophobic bigot hiding under the brown monkish cloak of smug, know-it-all, self-satisfied bollocks religious justification -‘God loves all of us, but I’d never perform a civil partnership ceremony because gays are damned to eternal hellfire’. Damn him I say. I see you preacher for what you are.

Ben the posh blonde one with troublesome hair? He quite amused me for 5 minutes in a Sebastian Flyte sort of way because Mario the mole (as was) adored him and I formed a soft spot for Mario. But after I saw Ben nicking the onions that current BB kitchen lord, Nathan, had pre-prepared for the evening meal, he’s gone right down in my estimation. Spoilt little public schoolboy brat, used to getting his own way and being effing superior.

I started, briefly, to feel sorry for him over the ‘Shabby going mad after he suggested that she, as an actress, hams it all up a bit’ incident because she is so incredibly explosive and he was flogging a dead, slightly mad horse trying to apologise. But on the other hand he should have just walked away and not been convinced by a very young and a bit silly Caoimhe to keep trying. I find Shabby fascinating to watch, but she’s probably not easy to live with.

Mind you, neither is Sunshine. Did I remember rightly that she said her mum died when she was 17? Might explain a lot, but she’ll never do well in a huge group unless she can learn to merge better (being vegan on a shared shopping budget, being scared of heights for the first task, and a bit wet on the cheese task hasn’t endeared her to people-but having said that, her main enemy, Govan, looks to be a nasty, divisive, bitchy piece of work, so part of me feels sorry for Sunshine).

Keeping an eye on the John James/Rachael situation. I’m not that clever at understanding the flirting games people play, and I had thought he and Josie liked each other, but as I said to start off with, I’ve only been watching with half an eye.

Suspect Sunshine may go on Friday (the contestant who goes under that appallingly ill-chosen self-made-up name; I’m not a weather forecaster), unless there are other developments I’ve been missing, Rachael is more unpopular than I’d realised, or the voting public hate Shabby.

Posted by Inkface

1 Comment

Filed under Big Brother