(Series 19, ep. 5) The very first scene was an unconscious Tristan (frankly, that’s the best kind of Tristan) bleeding all over a passport. Then a flashback to 24 hours earlier.
Despite the episode being called ‘Song of Self, Part One,’ Selfie didn’t do any actual singing. He might have been in the mood for singing to begin with – his Self Centre was about to be built (would they have to flatten the Linden Cullen Memorial Shrubbery to create space for it? Surely not! Serena’s mum’s ashes are there) and the future was looking rosy. He even told his support group that he was finished with them now, because with his Self Centre he wasn’t Nothing or No-one any more.
At the heart of the episode, the story got very dark indeed. Tristan’s nasty side turned out to be far nastier than anyone had suspected. Jemima, back in the hospital after she’d been run over trying to run away from Tristan, was discovered to be pregnant. And Selfie deduced that she was pregnant because Tristan had raped her.
It seems that Selfie might have ditched the support group a little prematurely, as Jemima’s situation brought up lots of issues about how his mother had treated him. Jemima pointed out that everything he does is because of the abuse from his mother: “Every success you have doesn’t erase the trauma. It immortalises it.”
Tristan, meanwhile, was continuing with his plan to bring Zosia on side by offering her some research fund money. When she learned what had happened to Jemima, her response was to try to help her escape from Tristan’s clutches, by getting back her passport which Tristan was keeping in an office drawer.
At this point the action was cutting back and forth to the ceremony in which the Guy Self Neurological Unit was being unveiled to an astonished and grateful world. Zosia hadn’t turned up to collect her research fund prize, and Ollie was worried. He was so worried that he left Jasmine to go and look for her. If only he’d left a bit sooner, he might have saved her from being attacked by the heinous Tristan – and smashing his head in with a big glass cube.
Meanwhile, it seems that Serena has been trying to put Bernie to the back of her mind by cavorting with Robbie the (ex) Bobby. He even resumed his former favourite activity of hanging around AAU without a good reason, only this time he had two good reasons – he’d brought Serena’s Spanx back, and he had an appointment with Raf to get a lump on his neck checked out.
There was a nasty situation when Jason gave Robbie’s scan results straight to him instead of giving them to Raf and Serena, so that Robbie got the unfiltered news that he had a malignant tumour. Jason was only carrying out Serena’s promise that Robbie would be the first to know, but they weren’t even Robbie’s scan results. How we laughed with relief (not really), while ignoring the fact that behind a curtain somewhere there was a poor soul who was about to be given some Very Bad News.
Robbie suddenly discovered that he gets on quite well with Jason, so there’s no obstacle to them all living together happily and being a proper family. Except for the inconvenient truth that Serena is in love with somebody else. Jason knows that the somebody else is Bernie, and has sent her a text on Serena’s phone so Bernie will know that Serena misses her – in capital letters.
And we discovered that Ric Griffin is not a “clinical dinosaur,” which is lucky because we’re going to need him to re-calibrate the moral compass of the hospital when all this Tristan business gets out, if Hanssen is still in Sweden.
Next week: Song of Self Part Two. Will Selfie actually sing this time? Song suggestions welcome.