(Series 17, ep.19) In this episode, Mary-Claire faced everyone’s worst nightmare – trying not to laugh at a very poorly executed tattoo. But she’s a professional, and the tattoo was on her patient, so she didn’t laugh. James, the patient, thought she was laughing at one point, and fairly soon she was barricaded in a cupboard with him while he insisted that she removed the tattoo for him with only a sharp knife to help her. That’s how much he really hated that tattoo (which had a look of Michael Jackson crossed with Davina McCall on Camoxidan about it).
Luckily for Mary-Claire he also had a collapsed lung, because it was a bit of a tense situation before that, with James having a crack at getting the tattoo off himself, and then holding Mary-Claire at knifepoint.
When you’re in a cupboard with a distressed man with a knife and a collapsed lung, what you really want is to hear the calm, assured voice of authority, and luckily Ric Griffin was making one of his rare appearances at work and was able to talk her through an improvised chest drain. Meanwhile, Dr Harry Tressler was fretting because his favourite girl was in peril but he hadn’t managed to kick the door down. I’m glad he didn’t – Mary-Claire coped fine under pressure and impressed Ric, and she didn’t really need a Jules Knight in shining armour to save her. She even turned down the offer of a post-trauma drink with him, preferring a night on the sofa on her own instead. This left Harry sighing longingly after her, before distracting himself with an anal abscess as big as his head.
On Keller, Sacha briefly went to pieces in theatre because of all the pressure of the Rachel/Kreepy Kerrigan situation. Luckily he had Digby on hand to calm him down and he was soon back on track saving the life of Llovely Lloyd’s foster mother. Meanwhile, Llovely Lloyd was out in the car park vandalising Kreepy Kerrigan’s Kar. To be fair, Sacha had punched Kreepy on the nose at the beginning of the episode, but it really took Lloyd’s direct action to show Sacha that he had to be extremely firm. He made Kreepy tell Rachel that their “relationship” was over, and then the police arrived.
On Darwin, it was round two of Guy Self v Jonny Maconie. Jesse’s money was on Guy. “He’s K2,” he said. More like R2D2 if you ask me, but still. A very annoying posh girl called Minty, whose father was on old friend of Selfie’s, made a nuisance of herself on the ward by making selfies of Selfie and a video of staff disgruntlement and putting them up on Holby’s answer to YouTube, “GreatVid.” This is the sort of stuff that gets militant nurses sacked, but Selfie isn’t going to sack Jonny – the threat of a sacking is much more powerful and has ensured that, for now, he’s got Jonny Maconie on side in his quest to fill the operating theatres to capacity at all times.
I have to admit that I’m as worried as Jonny is by Selfie’s plan. As the cry, “Let’s get him/her straight to theatre” goes up at least twice an episode, what are they going to do if the theatres are all constantly full? Or will they keep a spare “straight to theatre theatre” handy, just in case? And what happens when Sacha, Jac and Serena all need to get somebody straight to theatre at the same time? I can’t help thinking Selfie hasn’t thought this through.