EastEnders’ New Year special had more twists and turns than a giant’s intestine as Ronnie and Charlie’s wedding day spiralled shockingly out of control; spelling death, destruction and more red herrings than Morrisons’ fish counter.
Ronnie was getting married and, for some inexplicable reason, was so desperate to see the back of Nasty Nick that she stole 100k from Phil and handed all of the cash over to Walford’s least trustworthy resident. Quite how Ronnie assumed Phil wouldn’t notice such a substantial dip in finances was never really addressed but when the truth did dawn on Mr Potato Head, all hell broke loose.
Ronnie had tied the knot with Charlie boy, watched by guests such as Sharon Watts, Billy ‘spare part’ Mitchell and Mrs Doyle. She got somewhat distracted when she saw Nick lurking about (seriously, this is a guy who is better at lurking around corners and behind doors than Sideshow Bob from The Simpsons. I half expected him to stand on a rake) which proved the point that paying him to go away was never really going to work.
Ruthless Ronnie may have slammed a car boot down on a two bit criminal last New Year, but Nasty Nick, Albert Square’s most notorious villain, is a different kettle of fish altogether. This is a chap who has no qualms about poisoning his mother, blowing up a cafe or faking his own death; a few words of warning from a blonde in a wedding dress won’t see him off. Still, Phil can be quite scary, so when Nick overheard Ronnie giving Phillip permission to kill Nick, he sprung into action. As cutting the brakes of Mark Fowler’s motorcycle all those years back had worked out so well for Nick (his son, Ashley ended up being killed), Nick sliced the brakes of Ronnie’s wedding car before swooping off into the shadows.
It was at this opportune moment that Ronnie and Charlie Jnr decided to make an appearance, spilling Ronnie’s waters all over the place (oh cheers, thought the janitor of the reception venue). Cue a dash in a brakeless car to the hospital.
Meanwhile, across Walford, former detective Emma Summerhayes had done the best detective work of her career; shame she was no longer employed to do so. She had figured out Lucy’s killer and we were delivered more than a few cryptic clues, including her shocked stares at the B and B (I knew it was Patrick!) and a threat or two from the likes of Jane, Max and Lauren. She agreed to meet up with the killer who tried to talk their way out of the crime. Rather than doing anything with the information, Emma wandered aimlessly about the Square. Whenever someone is driving around Albert Square at high speed and someone else is wandering about urgently, death is imminent (RIP Tiffany, Danielle, the prostitute that Pat killed) and, luckily for Lucy’s killer, the wedding car ploughed right into Emma before crashing and overturning through the middle of the Square.
Emma got up as she was okay, for now, but she sent a text from her drafts saying she wasn’t willing to hold the killer’s secret anymore and, with 14 suspects gathered around (Max, Cindy, Denise, Ben, Jane, Lee, Whitney, Abi, Ian, Peter, Lauren, Cokers) one of them received the text, meaning that the list of suspects had just been cut down. We weren’t given much time to dwell on this however, as Ronnie was in peril.
She was unconcious in the car, which had just burst into flames and for one wild moment, it looked like it was about to explode; delivering the biggest EastEnders curveball of all time. She made it to hospital and died all over again after her baby was retrieved from her. But just as the doctors gave up (those NHS cuts meant that it was time for their break and they had no one to cover) the knowledge that she was now a mummy pulled Ronnie back from the brink. So phew, Ronnie wasn’t dead after all. So who was? Cut to Emma Summerhayes, who had again fled with the intention of dobbing Lucy’s killer in it, as collapsed with a brain bleed. Oh dear; although we knew she would have to meet her maker if the mystery was to continue until February. There are only so many scenes EastEnders can do where the camera man is playing the killer and Anna Acton is having to talk to herself.
Meanwhile, Mrs Doyle discovered the truth about Nick’s responsibility for the crash and was none too pleased. But Nick had a wicked idea to cover their tracks and it was destined to not look good for one Walford favourite. Got a crime to pin on someone? You know where to look.
Elsewhere, Dexter continued the longest drawn out soap exit of all time while Nancy struggled with her loyalties as Shirl tried to get herself back into the Vic. And newly returned Kim found some bruises on poor Patrick, opening up a whole new dark edge to drunky Denise’s story.
If the first episode of 2015 is setting the standard for EastEnders, it is going to be an absolutely brilliant year indeed!
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Written By Our Man In The North