(Series 10, ep.8) I still don’t know quite what to make of Justin Fitzgerald. On one hand, I’m entirely with Allie in thinking he’s not the kind of boyfriend you’d want your daughter to have – some of his behaviour in this episode (taking her phone away, lying about where they were going) was the kind of pattern you see in domestic abuse. He’s manipulative and has a very nasty streak.
On the other hand, I have to have some sympathy with him as well. He has been entirely messed around with by his father, who thought dumping his sons into the middle of a new family while their mother had a breakdown elsewhere was a good plan, and then proceeded to follow this up with sending Justin away to boarding school at the first sign of trouble.
Anyway, this week Justin and Tiffany tried running away to That London, where not even the sofa bed of Justin’s mate Andy was waiting. They only got as far as a nearby road, Tiffany texted her mum to come and get her and all was well. Only it wasn’t, because as far as Justin was concerned his plan had worked. He didn’t have to go to boarding school and was welcomed back home by Vaughan. So now it’s Tiffany’s turn to be sent away from his evil influence.
I hope by now you’ve all ordered your Hoodie of the Future from the Wark Catalogue. It’s reversible and makes the ideal Christmas gift. You know it’s high quality because it was designed by Darren and Gabriella (the Dolce e Gabbana of Greenock) and manufactured to the highest possible standards in a sweatshop somewhere or other by Gabriella’s mother’s fashion company. Gabriella thought she’d discovered Scotland’s Next Top Model – Darren, who did actually look very fetching as soon as a spot of guyliner had been applied. Mrs Wark disagreed, instead deciding that Rhiannon would be the face of the new plus size range that she’d only just thought of. Rhiannon also looked very fetching in her modelling pictures, but Mrs Wark thought there was a bit too much of her and electronically slimmed her down to a size 12 (“We want XL, not XXXL” – bitch!). Rhiannon told her to stuff her lucrative modelling contract (hurrah! Modelling’s loss is childcare’s gain) and went to help Darren, who was visiting last week’s helpline lady and cutting her toenails.
Twinkle had a video interview for a job in Wales, and then went away for a face to face interview, leaving Sue home alone. This provided the opportunity for Hector to visit, get all teary-eyed and spooky-looking, and declare that his days of being a promiscuous tart were over as soon as he experienced the delights of Sue. She told him she loved him, and later on we saw her chatting away to Twinkle on Skype while Hector hovered in the doorway in his undercrackers. Shameless!
So it’s all set to kick off next week, as Hector wants to come clean to Simon, and Leo gets into a tricky situation courtesy of that ill-advised Helpline initiative.