What has been the most awkward party that you have ever been to? In my yoof (not very many years ago, I may add) I went to a house party, given that I was such a cool kid. Apparently my friend’s parents had not been informed of this impromptu shindig and, when we started pouring ourselves refreshments (lemonade, of course) they came downstairs to investigate in full bondage gear.
Oh how we all laughed. A few years on, I’m not laughing anymore as I have learned just how uncomfortable those leather straps and shackles can be so I have nothing but sympathy for Mr and Mrs (CENSORED) but my point is, no matter how awkward a party you think you have attended, nothing could quite top the sheer cringe factor of the Carter get together in last night’s EastEnders.
Well meaning but sadly clueless Mick decided that the stunning Stacey needed some help in securing a bloke as it’s not like she has other things on her mind at the moment. Thinking that she and Dean are destined to be (again), Mick planned a drinks party upstairs and brought them together, a situation which poor Linda was shoehorned into. I could barely watch as the weasel like Dean plonked himself comfortably beside Linda on the sofa, causing her to understandably recoil in horror.
Stealing looks at her and warning Linda that they have to be careful, Dean really does seem to have deluded himself that Linda was a willing participant in their recent vile encounter. Things couldn’t be further from the truth, and the fact of the matter was that Linda faced the agony of being left alone in a room with her rapist for a prolonged period of time.
It wasn’t the only secret bubbling in the room. During the conversation, Stacey figured out that Mick knew that Alfie started the recent fire and she was too busy confronting him about this to notice that anything was amiss with Linda and Dean. With each person in the room hiding something from someone else there, it truly was a lip bitingly, messy affair and the performances of the four actors involved helped to make it the difficult watch that it was.
There were secrets elsewhere on the Square but this time they were coming out. Ronnie dropped a bombshell on Charlie that she had killed a man and, much much worse than that, Charlie reciprocated in this truth telling experience by confessing that he wasn’t a policeman but a caretaker at a care home. After admitting to taking a life, Ronnie had the cheek to seem somewhat outraged at this but, even after hearing Dot’s abridged version of EastEnders’ most controversial storyline, the horrendous baby snatch saga, Charlie was keen to propose. If murder, prison and infant snatching don’t put him off, then nothing will.
Finally, Alfie was acting in the moronic way that he has become accustomed to recently, leaving the children under his care crying as he repeatedly harassed insurance phone lines before sinking a bloodstream’s worth of alcohol when the news came through he’d be getting no money. Things are bleak for the Moons and even bleaker for the Carters.
By the time I reached the end of the episode, I was reaching for the Kalms and thinking I was lucky that the most awkward social situation I’ve ever been in is some middle aged bondage experimenting parents entering the festivities. But isn’t that what EastEnders is for – showing you that life could be worse? You could live in Walford after all.
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Written By Our Man In The North