I’ve not seen a single positive comment about Sharon’s wedding dress. It turns out it’s just as well she didn’t waste her money on something stunning from the Vivienne Westwood Bridal Collection, because she’s only gone and ruined it by getting it covered in blood. It’s not even her blood, either. “Phil’s been shot,” someone said. “Not again,” said Ian Beale, who’s been there and done that himself so it doesn’t impress him much.
Ronnie, knowing that faaamily comes before first aid, legged it with the gun. It was her gun anyway and she didn’t need the extra aggro, what with being pregnant and that. She only got it as far as the safe haven of the Arches, where it was last seen in the capable hands of Ben and Jay. “Capable” as in “of anything.”
Shirley, meanwhile, has been whisked from the Square in a three wheeled vehicle by Aunt Babe, who really comes into her own when there’s a proper crime to mop up. They left behind them Dean, who’d inexplicably come over all “Mother I never knew you” just before Shirley left and was packing a little case to flee with her because he Couldn’t Lose Her Again.
And the Brannings’ dog, Tramp Branning, is dead. Everyone’s blaming Jay, because if he hadn’t dumped Abi she’d never have tried to drive a car to Bolton in a state of High Emotion.
Luckily there was romance in among the angst. Peter Beale had only managed to get as far as the tube station and, before he could board an Up-West train, Lauren caught up with him. They had a little heart to heart about how Peter had loved her since forever. Randomly, he said it was sad that they never even had an “our tune.” Luckily, for the first time ever there was a busker outside Walford East station. The next tune he played, Peter declared, would be Their Tune. That could have gone very badly wrong (suggestions on a postcard), but amusingly it was only ‘Happy Birthday To You.’ It’s just as well that Lauren loves Peter back, because they’re going to be hearing Their Tune pretty regularly.
Phil Mitchell’s tune, meanwhile, is currently ‘Beep Beep Beep,’ as he’s presumably fixed up to Walford General’s finest life support equipment. Will he survive, or will he end up in a dog basket under a tartan blanket like Tramp Branning? Tune in on Monday.