(Series 16, ep.47) Recovering from the dual indignities of Jac taking over his Herzig project and then presenting him with a new chair that exploded like a clown’s car when sat upon, Elliot Hope was startled to find a man hiding behind Jac’s coat and frothing at the mouth. I hasten to add that Jac wasn’t in the coat, or indeed in the room, when this occurred.
This man turned out to be a prospective patient, Louis, who had an impressively caved-in chest. It caused him no end of social distress (it did look like it would be a handy receptacle for party nibbles, but that would have to be the right kind of party). Elliot knew a risky technique to fix up that kind of thing, but Jac told him he couldn’t do it because it was a cosmetic procedure and the budget wouldn’t stretch. Adele tried to object. “Sage input as always from Holby’s Next Top Model,” said Jac. She’s always on top of contemporary references, which makes me think she really does do normal stuff like reading magazines and watching telly, rather than spending all her down-time in a specially constructed basement wet lab at Naylor Towers honing her suturing skills.
The upshot was that Elliot did the surgery, which looked absolutely brutal, and everyone went “Wow.” Even Selfie.
Meanwhile Jonny Mac had sent Jac a video of Emma saying her first words, which sounded very much like “daddy.” This is probably because “d” is easier to say than “m,” but that probably doesn’t stop Jac from wanting to wrench Jonny’s head off.
The person whose head I wanted to wrench off this week was the Keller patient, who was a deeply annoying woman who thought she was Alice in Wonderland (no love, Wonderland is actually AAU, not Keller). “Pills don’t fit in my tiny mouth” – that sort of thing. It turned out to be abdominal migraine, the symptoms of which are hideous pain and, apparently, being very, very twee.
While Essie and Sacha were sorting all this out, Essie kept getting texts from an 049 number. “What is my mother-in-law doing texting Essie?” I couldn’t help but wonder, but it wasn’t her. It was a great-uncle that either Essie hadn’t known she had or had forgotten about. She’d been invited to Munich, and despite being just about to move in with Sacha, she’s going to go. Let’s just hope that a few days of beer and Bratwurst will help her to put her Nazi grandfather into perspective and cheer her up a bit. Even Alice in Wonderland could see that she was only smiling on the outside and was still miserable inside, despite having the world’s cuddliest man to cuddle.
Remember the wee car Dr Raf Smug purchased in an auction last week? He’s only gone and crashed it into the Linden Cullen Memorial Shrubbery. The shock of this made Dr Amy Smug go “Nnngh!” so off she popped to see Mr T (Mr T!) for a quick scan to check that all was well. All was well, and not only that but the baby is a boy and Amy wants to call him Callum, despite “Callum Di Lucca” sounding like a herbal remedy. Or maybe that’s quite apt for a pharmacist’s child.
I actually rather warmed to the Smugs this week. They weren’t even smug, because they were so upset. Not about the car, but about their relationship. “We’re too damaged, Raf,” Amy told him. She’s going to stay with her brother for a while. Is this the end of the road for the Smugs?
Next time: Digby, Adele and Fletch all have something to prove.