WARNING: This post contains SPOILERS from recent episodes which some may prefer to avoid. And some may send me hate mail as they haven’t had time to watch it yet and I should have waited.
For an episode containing incestuous rape beside the corpse of the couple’s murdered child inside of a church, a drawn out bisexual orgy, a man getting an arrow through the eye socket whilst talking enthusiastically about the standards of his wife’s potatoes and a competition in the desert over who can urinate at will for the longest, this week’s entry in the Game Of Thrones saga was disappointingly dull.
We picked up exactly where we left off, a refreshingly enjoyable sight of Joffrey’s purpling, bleeding and vomit splattered face drawing us nicely into the setting. Tyrion was promptly thrown back into his own personal cell in the dungeons whilst Sansa boarded a canoe, in the thick fog with a sinister stranger, without too much panic.
She was taken to Littlefinger’s own personal ghost ship somewhere in the middle of the ocean and, in a hugely shock twist, it turned out that he was actually up to no good. Instead of offering payment to the captor, he gave him a bolt in the chest.
Sansa didn’t really have much choice but to stay with Littlefinger, although judging from her past decision making skills this is largely irrelevant, as she wouldn’t spot a liar even if he were rubbing his hands together sneakily and muttering ‘Snik Snik’
Elsewhere, Tywin was mourning his grandson by giving his replacement lessons in how to be everything that his predecessor wasn’t; in particular, how to dance to the strings of a puppet master. He was very busy as he was also setting up what will be a most biased jury against Tyrion. So busy he was, that he didn’t notice anything amiss of Jaime entering the church and dismissing everyone except the sister he is known to hold sexual feelings for. Needless to say, it was under a minute before they were at it over Joffrey’s decaying corpse. Even more tastefully, and for apparently little reason, the scriptwriters undid their hard work of making Jaime ever so slightly redeemed from pushing little boys from towers, by making him rape Cersei. The scene, for those unfamiliar with the fact that Game of Thrones was actually a book series first (No, REALLY), was a far stretch from the author’s original telling of the story, and I can see no other reason to have changed it thus other than for another headline-grabbing, Daily Mail melting shock twist.
There was pretty much nothing else happening at all in Westeros, with a collection of the more mundane characters such as the insufferable Sam and his personality-lacking Wildling companion, the ‘going round in circles’ island of Stannis and his sometimes Geordie and sometimes Scouser assistant Davos, and Jon Snow taking up the vast airtime by progressing their stories practically nowhere, and in some cases, even backwards. Quite how long Sam can worry that thousands of men who haven’t touched female flesh in decades might pose a danger to the sole female in their pretty savage camp is beyond me. Similarly, it has been about two entire series now that Stannis has sat on an island bemoaning that time is running out. I wish it bloody would.
The Hound was as entertaining as ever and even his choice to rob a kind man and his young daughter who offered him a home, food and honest work can not make me dislike this man. Over in the hotter climes, Daenerys found another city and freed the slaves there after defeating their most powerful warrior who jousted his horse into an outstretched dagger after peeing on the sand.
Somewhere in the editing stages, the producers obviously realised that there was no sex scene so we were treated to an impromptu and non-story-related bisexual orgy that served no real purpose, but served up a hell of a lot of butt-cheek.
It was a drab offering and, much like Stannis on his island, I felt the passage of time while watching. It seems that now they have found a golden goose that has a cult following the producers will drag the events of the books for as long as possible, so stand by for my preview of next week.
- Jon Snow will warn the Night’s Watch that the Wildlings are savage
- Davos will warn Stannis that the Red Queen may actually be quite sinister
- Daenerys will donate to a charity
- A woman will be called a whore
- Jaime and Cersei will have sex on the dinner table at Joffrey’s wake
- Bran will have a vision. It will involve a bird.
What are your views on the latest goings on in Game Of Thrones? Leave any comments below.
Posted By Our Man In The North