(Series 9, ep.18) We know that Dynasty Barry is most certainly not the first Barry to have been interviewed by the police, but she’s the first one who’s been interviewed by them for a job and not as a suspect. However, despite doing probably the best interview they’ve ever seen (watching the elegant way she dealt with all the questions, I was thinking that scene should really be shown in schools to help future job-seekers), she was still haunted by being a Barry, as the woman interviewing her knew about her dad, who is currently banged up for armed robbery.
The key question (apart from the diversity one, which Dynasty handled beautifully by saying she had a sister who’d once contemplated a sex change, and that hadn’t thrown her) was whether she’d be able to arrest a member of her family. Dynasty had a little think – the question was rather less hypothetical for her than it would be for most people – and the answer was a resolute yes.
She had reason to test that out before the end of the episode. Barry Barry, small-time crook and full-time dancer to show-tunes only he can hear (this is my fantasy about Barry – that he looks ready to launch into a song-and-dance routine at any given moment) was getting ready for his Big Job, which involved forged passports, bundles of cash and a white van stuffed full of Eastern European girls.
Dynasty, using her natural sleuthing skills – she’ll get through police training in no time – tracked him down to a dingy dockside setting and tried to persuade him to do the right thing: “Don’t turn out like our dad!” Barry’s cocky reply was, “I won’t, ’cause I won’t get caught.” Only he did get caught, because Dynasty phoned the bizzies. Barry was arrested in a slow motion montage, and from now on Waterloo Road is going to be just a little bit less show-tuney.
Barry’s former sidekick, Dim Darren, was in trouble this week for taking photos up Verruca Salt’s skirt – though I could have sworn she was wearing trousers. Anyway, it turned out he’d been doing a lot of this sort of thing and his phone was full of pictures of the girls getting changed after PE. The girls, and Nikki Boston, were naturally furious and upset, but Christine thought there must be some reason for Darren’s deviant behaviour and marched him off to talk to his mum, who lived on the kind of grim estate we haven’t seen since much of since the early, “gritty Rochdale” days, and turned out to be a heroin addicted prostitute. Poor Darren.
And poor Christine, who was so traumatised by the experience that as soon as she’d phoned social services and then failed to have a proper chat with Connor, she headed for the nearest pub. She told the barman to give her one drink and then throw her out if she asked for any more. By the end of the episode she was completely bladdered.
In other news, George Windsor’s late mother’s house is worth £3.5 million – and suddenly Carol Barry is finding him so much more alluring; Kevin Chalk can walk again; Gabriella seems to be trying to make friends; and Harley trashed the school library because he’s missing Lula. Doesn’t he know that the traditional way to vent grief is to steal a car and drive it in circles around the school yard?
There’s a tie for cringey dialogue of the week, though they’re both on a photography theme. I can’t decide between George’s “I abhor sneaky individuals with hidden cameras as much as anyone else,” and Simon’s “I dread to think the calls we’ll get when the parents have read their obscene images letters.”
Next time: One Barry out, one Barry in – Kacey’s back! And Christine is still pissed.