Waterloo Road: No guts, no glory

lenny waterloo road(Series 9, ep.14)  Lenny Brown, perpetually in the shadow of his somewhat thuggish sister Lisa, is a gentle soul. He had to sleep with the lights on for a week after watching Slash Attack 3. Possibly it was because it wasn’t as good as Slash Attacks 1 & 2, who knows?

At the start of the episode he found himself in the local shop with Darren, out for a bit of light shoplifting and a browse of the magazines on the top shelf. They were chased out by the shop’s owner and his son, but not before Lenny noticed something that made him suspicious. Females. In the back room of the shop. “Young girls, faces full of makeup, in tight tops,  acting weird, what does that make you think of?” he asked Darren, who had to have a little think because he’s not especially bright. “Rhiannon Salt!” he decided. Lenny had other ideas and pretty soon he’d constructed a whole imaginary sex slave scenario and worked himself up into quite a stew. He asked George Windsor for advice about what to do in a situation where you have a feeling something’s Not Right. George, who was busy trying to impress his mother (more of whom later) said it was important to follow your instincts and to act: “No guts, no glory.”  

darren waterloo roadThis all led to Darren going into the shop looking for clues, and Lenny hearing what he thought was a gun go off. Pretty soon the shop was surrounded by armed police, and news went around the school that Darren and Lenny had been shot. Of course they hadn’t – it was something to do with a firework and the shop owner’s birthday. You can imagine the armed response unit having quite a chuckle about that back at the station. Or not. Darren and Lenny were marched back to the shop by their teachers and made to apologise. “I’m glad your granddad’s not a pimp and forcing you to have sex with dodgy blokes,” said Darren. Not as glad as they were, I’m sure.

dynasty barry waterloo roadTalking of dodgy blokes, Gabriella arrived at school in a flash car (presumably hers) driven by none other than Barry Barry. “What are you doing wit’ my brother?” Dynasty demanded. “What am I not doing with him?” was the response.

Barry, bless him, only wanted to come home and be settled at the Barry fireside sharing a family bucket of Unspecified Fried Chicken, but Carol isn’t keen on account of him being a bit of a handful. Barry isn’t keen on her being a dinner lady and stepping out with George Windsor, either.

wendy craig waterloo roadAs if the prospect of having Barry Barry as your sort-of son-in-law wasn’t upsetting enough, George had his mother Marjorie staying with him. It’s a shame that Marjorie won’t be appearing in any future episodes, what with dying on her way to the airport and everything, because she had quite the way with a verbal takedown. “Christine! It took me a second to recognise you without a drink in your hand!” More encounters between Marjorie and Carol Barry (“She’s your new bit of stuff!”) would have been most enjoyable.

Next time: Resilience Camp!

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