Celebrity Big Brother: When one Battersby isn’t enough

janice lesTime was when Bruce “Les Battersby” Jones was the most disliked and disgraced ex-Corrie star, but that was in the good old days before most of the cast had to be suspended or let go for offences alleged or actual.

And now here he is on Celebrity Big Brother, alongside former screen wife Vicky “Janice” Entwistle. I don’t know how recovering alcoholic Bruce is going to settle down in CBB – I caught a glimpse of him being interviewed by Jeremy Kyle once and he seemed like a vulnerable kind of man to me, but perhaps the powers that be are hoping he’ll have a ratings-winning meltdown.

Vicky set to by pouring wine for everyone (I’m not very good at this…”). This is a good move, as early domination of the kitchen has often proved to be a tactically wise decision. I can already hear evicted junior housemates telling Emma Willis, “Vicky was my mum in the house.”

They won’t be saying that about Carol McGiffin, as she set out her stall early doors (as “Big Ron” Atkinson would say – he’s in there too) by informing Charlotte Crosby from Geordie Shore that she isn’t actually famous, although Ms Crosby clearly thinks she is due to her apparent fondness for not being concerned how, when or upon whom she goes to the toilet (she’s currently favourite to win – *baffled face*). Carol McGiffin is therefore, early doors, my favourite housemate.  

The celebrities were given the task of working out which two of them were the most famous. I’d have plumped for Big Ron. The Americans among the group (a former child star and someone whose claim to fame seems to be marrying a much older man) sat quietly, in modest expectation that they would be chosen due to being American and hence more famous than a mere Brit by default. PLA Jr (a teenager) thought the rather pretty man from TOWIE was most famous, but the house vote went to the Battersbys. Their reward was to sleep in the garden, in a small canopied bed under the Borehamwood stars. They weren’t impressed, but they’ll look back on it fondly in a few days when the bedroom is stinking to high heaven due to an overload of celebrity morning breath and the idiosyncratic toilet habits of Charlotte Crosby.

Meanwhile, Louie Spence, Lauren Harries and Sophie Anderton were in another part of the building, secretly observing all the goings-on so they can nominate at some point. It was obviously hoped that they’d add a hilariously bitchy commentary to the proceedings, but they seemed too overawed by the novelty of wearing headphones while watching TV and were mostly silent. If only Channel 5 could have afforded Graham Norton and Terry Wogan. Or even Dave Lamb.

It was all presided over by Emma Willis, who has gorgeous alien-looking eyes but whose vocal delivery is a bit unexcited and monotone. However, she’s a vast improvement on Brian “We like that!” Dowling.

Today the concealed three in the secret room will be inserted into the main house and hilarity may or may not ensue.

Posted by PLA          (More Big Brother here)

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