EastEnders: Wedding’s off

Both EastEnders and Coronation Street chose weddings as the focal points of their Christmas episodes. Leanne and Nick were due to tie the knot in Weatherfield, while further south it was Max and Tanya who were looking forward to a trip to the altar. There were some similarities. Both sets of happy couples had been married before – to each other, as well. Leanne and Nick were married when both of them were so young and foolish that he was played by a different actor. Max and Tanya were married for so long they managed to spawn three children, Frowning Abbie, Invisible Oscar and Dot Dot Dot Lauren (whenever anyone speaks to her they use the formulation, “That jumper looks nice… Lauren,” “Happy Christmas… Lauren,” “Are you pissed… Lauren?”).

max tanya eastendersOn EastEnders the wedding was initially off because Lauren had ripped Tanya’s lovely wedding dress in half, destroyed the wedding cake and puked on the carpet (“Pissed again… Lauren”). But Max is a lovely old romantic soul – which must explain why he’s so attractive to the ladies despite looking like a ginger gorilla’s testicle – and he gave Tanya a new wedding dress for Christmas and arranged for some mysterious official to show up so they could get married under the Arthur Fowler Memorial Christmas Tree in the bitter cold of Albert Square. Tanya was obviously thrilled, but less thrilled when a woman turned up and introduced herself as Max’s wife. Yep – Max’s wife.

It wasn’t really Max’s fault that he was already married, he explained. It was partly Tanya’s fault for kicking him out a while back (you remember how self-absorbed she got when she had cancer, the selfish mare) and partly Dastardly Derek’s fault for not sorting Wife 1 out with threats, cash and divorce papers like he’d promised he would.

The upshot was that the wedding was off, everyone hated Derek (including Kat, who was seriously regretting picking Derek as her Secret Lover when he immediately morphed from the last of the red hot lovers to Mr Clingy). This all ended in Derek collapsing and dying of an ‘eart attack in the Square, watched by his loving brothers, his devoted son and his official girlfriend, all of whom hated him.

At least it’s given Moping Alice something to really get her teeth into, acting-wise. Having spent months with a face set to “crestfallen,” we now discover she can do grief and snot-crying like an absolute pro.

Posted by PLA

2 Comments

Filed under EastEnders

2 responses to “EastEnders: Wedding’s off

  1. holbylover819

    I was all set for gangstas to burst in and ruin Christmas. See how complicated it would have been if Max was married to Kirsty, engaged to Tanya and having an affair with Kat? I knew it was Derek. I thought the Brannings reactions to his death were fitting. None of them seemed sure what to feel. I was hoping Derek would whisk Kat away to Mexico so we’d never have to see them again (or like two miles out of Albert Square, same result) and take Shirley along with them. She’s annoying.
    Also, I felt sorry for Kirsty. She’s so misunderstood.

    • pauseliveaction

      I was expecting gangstas as well, and thought they’d arrived when the wedding official turned up. Oh, EastEnders, how you like to play with our minds. I agree with you about Kirsty – none of it was her fault. I also like your plan of getting rid of Kat to Mexico – she’s been nothing but a misery drain for some time and Alfie is a lot better off with Roxie. But I have to admit I do like Shirley. If Shirley went to Mexico, who’d be around to stalk around the Square in cheap boots, snarling at Phil?

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