(Series 7, Ep.30) Oh my giddy aunt. I don’t even know where to start with Wednesday’s Waterloo Road – the last in the term, the last in the series and the last in Rochdale. Exploding caravans? Teachers running away to marry their pupils? Mild and uneventful in comparison.
At the risk of sounding like a twisted game of Cluedo, we had Kyle Stack in the assembly hall with a crossbow. The crossbow was pointed at the (greasy – lay off the Brylcreem, lad) head of Finn Sharkey. This ghastly assassination attempt was thwarted by Our Josh, who legged it back from being suspended scarily off the edge of a multi-storey car park by pocket sized gangster Eugene (“I’m a man of deed and I follow through, you get me?” he muttered menacingly, before being scared off by Tom Clarkson and failing to follow through). “Kyle has a crossbow and it is aimed at Finn’s Brylcreemed head!” shouted Our Josh (or something similar) and it was enough to put Mr Stack off his aim and Our Josh took one in the shoulder as a result.
But he survived, so phew and everything. How we all laughed and sighed with relief and waved goodbye to Evil Kyle Stack as he was apprehended by the Feds. Another school prom over, and nothing worse to show for it than a winged Our Josh and Finn sporting a black eye. This was from a previous incident – apparently I’ve been wasting my breath yelling “Not his FACE!” every week.
There was also a small matter of the school closing down, but Michael Byrne had a Plan. He was going to open a new school in Scotland. A school funded by Daniela Denby-Ashe off of My Family, who wouldn’t bother with all this education authority red tape nonsense – why, they’d be free to have a Controversial New Initiative twice a week if they felt like it! And he was going to take his finest teachers and Grantly Budgen. And the dinner lady, who would be running a boarding house for pupils like Phoenix and Harley and Scout, who hadn’t yet been poached for roles on Doctors or Corrie (hello, Bolton Smiley – we spotted you the other night out with That Kylie Platt). And Janeece, because she might be rubbish as a secretary, but… ok, no redeeming features as a secretary, but we love her to bits.
It was a brave step and a bold move, and you’re not going to want to up sticks and go all the way to Scotland without having a look at it first, so off they popped in the school minibus. When they got to the border, Denzil wanted a photo. He’d never been abroad before, bless him. While everyone was clustered around the Welcome to Scotland sign, Grantly took the opportunity to propose to the dinner lady and everybody was so busy saying, “Aaaahhh!” and thinking, “But Fleur’s only been gone five minutes!” they didn’t notice a lorry leave the road and head straight for them.
And that was the end. Goodbye term. Goodbye Rochdale. Goodbye beloved cast member? We’ll have to wait and see.
Posted by PLA (see more Waterloo Road posts)