Waterloo Road: If the crossbow doesn’t get you, the delivery truck will

(Series 7, Ep.30) Oh my giddy aunt. I don’t even know where to start with Wednesday’s Waterloo Road – the last in the term, the last in the series and the last in Rochdale. Exploding caravans? Teachers running away to marry their pupils?  Mild and uneventful in comparison.

At the risk of sounding like a twisted game of Cluedo, we had Kyle Stack in the assembly hall with a crossbow. The crossbow was pointed at the (greasy – lay off the Brylcreem, lad) head of Finn Sharkey. This ghastly assassination attempt was thwarted by Our Josh, who legged it back from being suspended scarily off the edge of a multi-storey car park by pocket sized gangster Eugene  (“I’m a man of deed and I follow through, you get me?” he muttered menacingly, before being scared off by Tom Clarkson and failing to follow through). “Kyle has a crossbow and it is aimed at Finn’s Brylcreemed head!” shouted Our Josh (or something similar) and it was enough to put Mr Stack off his aim and Our Josh took one in the shoulder as a result. 

But he survived, so phew and everything. How we all laughed and sighed with relief and waved goodbye to Evil Kyle Stack as he was apprehended by the Feds. Another school prom over, and nothing worse to show for it than a winged Our Josh and Finn sporting a black eye. This was from a previous incident – apparently I’ve been wasting my breath yelling “Not his FACE!” every week.

There was also a small matter of the school closing down, but Michael Byrne had a Plan. He was going to open a new school in Scotland. A school funded by Daniela Denby-Ashe off of My Family, who wouldn’t bother with all this education authority red tape nonsense – why, they’d be free to have a Controversial New Initiative twice a week if they felt  like it! And he was going to take his finest teachers and Grantly Budgen. And the dinner lady, who would be running a boarding house for pupils like Phoenix and Harley and Scout, who hadn’t yet been poached for roles on Doctors or Corrie (hello, Bolton Smiley – we spotted you the other night out with That Kylie Platt). And Janeece, because she might be rubbish as a secretary, but… ok, no redeeming features as a secretary, but we love her to bits.

It was a brave step and a bold move, and you’re not going to want to up sticks and go all the way to Scotland without having a look at it first, so off they popped in the school minibus. When they got to the border, Denzil wanted a photo. He’d never been abroad before, bless him. While everyone was clustered around the Welcome to Scotland sign, Grantly took the opportunity to propose to the dinner lady and everybody was so busy saying, “Aaaahhh!” and thinking, “But Fleur’s only been gone five minutes!” they didn’t notice a lorry leave the road and head straight for them.

And that was the end. Goodbye term. Goodbye Rochdale. Goodbye beloved cast member? We’ll have to wait and see.

Posted by PLA (see more Waterloo Road posts)

5 Comments

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5 responses to “Waterloo Road: If the crossbow doesn’t get you, the delivery truck will

  1. Martin Rosen

    The title I would have suggested for this episode would have been ‘I didn’t see that coming’ !!

    So is there going to be a new series of WR? If so, presumably it will be based in Scotland and be called …New WR ??

    Surely if they wish to be recognised by the DfES they will have to conform to some rules, even though they are independent.

    I suppose if anyone doesn’t wish to sign a new contract, they will ‘die’ with the lorry crash.

    • Dreamer

      Apparently, they’ve already begun filming the next series and there were rumours about a so-called picture of Tariq in a wheelchair.

      Thought this was an alright episode – the crash was a bit of a surprise but the rest was predictable.

  2. remotecontrolled

    This episode was so gob-smacking PLA even forgot to gush over Ronan in her blog!!

    It certainly met Waterloo Road “WTF?!?!” standard – much like the bulldozer and exploding caravan. I’m glad it seems Our Josh (pending survival) will be going to Scotland though will miss his dynamic with Lauren. I think Chalky may snuff it but reckon all rest will survive. I thought one of most unpredictable bits though was Matt WIlding letting the kids in for an unsupervised Rave – but then dunno why, seeing as teacher/student boundaries don’t exist.

    Seasonal verdict – definitely better than part 1 and 2. Hope Ronan will still do the catering up North. As a child of the Scottish Education system however I can’t wait to see how they handle the Higher Still system and Curriculum For Excellence. I can no longer write off their weirdness in classroom structure as “well maybe that’s just how they do it in England”.

    Excellent blogging as always – I look more forward to the return of the blogs than the return of the series!

  3. WaterlooVamps

    You know, I really hope Kyle’s going to be causing some trouble in Scotland soon.

    • So, no more ‘Waterloo Road’ or PLA for me until next year (as I don’t watch Holby)… What a shame. And none of my proposed story-lines ever seem to come close to the mark (can’t think why). But at least WR didn’t take the easy, slightly stereotypical route it seemed to be going along at the beginning of the series: Trudi stops wearing hijab and lives happily ever after as an apparently ‘liberated’ woman. Indeed, the opposite: Trudi takes off her hijab, plunges herself into a personal trauma that will sadden her for the rest of her life, whilst also escalating the already tense relationship between Finn and Tariq into out-and-out gang warfare, resulting in the school being shut down!!!!
      Talking of out-and-out, I wonder whether Our Josh will manage to end up in a gay relationship next series without it getting him beaten up or triggering a severe mental illness. Unless he’s killed by the lorry, of course. (Oh no!)
      And slipping into an entirely different soap – don’t let Adam be sacrificed on the Archers just so that ‘Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells’ can finally shed a rueful tear for his and Ian’s polytunnel kiss…

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