(Series 14, Ep.20) We’ll start in Darwin this week, I think. They were having a clear-out of some old machines – the ones that go beep, only they don’t beep as loudly as today’s more modern, shinier versions, so they had to go. You didn’t have to be a long time student at the Holby University of Televisual Medicine to know this was all really just an analogy for dear old Elliott Hope and his charming old-fashioned ways, but just in case you missed it the daughter of a patient was on hand to spell it out in nice big letters. “If something works, why not use it?” she said, of the machinery and of Elliott. She and her father had travelled from Kiev, and we know that Kiev’s state hospitals are not over-endowed with machinery of any type. The father, Petro, had a serious heart condition (of course), and he and his daughter had come to find Elliott on the recommendation of the doctor he met at Christmas. Would Elliott go out on a limb and offer surgery to a person who wasn’t, strictly speaking, entitled to it? Of course he would, even if it meant going against Hanssen’s orders and making Jac go all disapprovingly tutty. She wouldn’t tell Hanssen the surgery was going ahead, though. “I’m a bitch, not a snitch,” she told Elliott. Mind you, Elliott did have a brief wobble in mid procedure, but he pulled himself together enough to come up with the idea of using glue on the old man’s dodgy ticker. I think it possibly shows I’ve been watching Holby too long when I tell you I came up with the glue idea about two minutes before Elliott did. Just ask PLA Jr. So Elliott saved the patient, and decided to parcel up all the old machines and send them to Kiev, where they’ll be put to good use.
Speaking of old stuff, Sacha invited Dr Luc Hemingway to join him in his basement, and there they sat playing video games and bonding like Joey and Chandler on Friends. Eddi was in charge of looking after the key, and everyone was happy. Only Sacha wasn’t properly happy, because he loves Chrissie yet he couldn’t tell her about his secret basement den and his moonlighting job on Holby Care. But then one of his Botox patients ended up in AAU with a nasty rash (it was caused by a virus and was nothing to do with Sacha’s bogus Botox technique) and Chrissie found out about his money-making sideline.
And thanks to Eddi she found out about the basement. Was she angry? Possibly with herself for being such a dragon that Sacha didn’t feel he could be himself around her. She told him to lock the door. Sacha and I both thought she had romance on her mind and, frankly, that basement room is probably the only room in the hospital she hasn’t had sex in already, so for the sake of completeness it was worth a go. But no, she wanted to play his computer game. Oh, how we laughed.
While all this was going on, Hanssen was attempting to schmooze the Vice Chancellor of Holby University in an attempt to secure £12 million of funding. While he was doing this, he put Malick in charge of his clinical duties. “I need you to be me for the day,” he told his registrar. Malick was up for that. “Involves a lot of looming and scaring the life out of baby doctors,” he said, accurately. He had some baby doctors to scare, as well. He referred to them as Malickites. He and Dull Dan disagreed over how to treat a patient (it’s now compulsory for someone to disagree with Dull Dan about how to treat a patient on a weekly basis), and Hanssen backed Malick. The woman from the university backed Dan, as she knew of him and his rugger skills (that’s rugger skills) previously. She admired his rugger skills so much, in fact, that she wanted him to become Clinical Skills Lead. If she’d seen him in action as much as we have, she’d know “clinical” and “skills” weren’t usually to be found in the same sentence when Dan is around. Hanssen thought Malick should be CSL. And guess what? Thanks to Hanssen, they’ve both got the job. Having to share a job and possibly an office with The Malick is going to make Dan twice as twitchy as usual.
Next time: A new F1 nearly kills somebody (shocker!); Luc reveals a more vulnerable side; and Chantelle and Lleucu fall out over money.
Posted by PLA (more Holby here)