The moment Tyrone approached her in the quietest nightclub in the country and she eagerly got her claws into him, I knew there was something not right with Kirsty. She follows all of the Street’s regular rules for being an established psychopath and I can guarantee that within six months from now, she will be driving her cop car into a canal with Tyrone and Tina tied up inside or she’ll be blowing up the garage.
How do I know this? Well, just take a look at the quirks and rules followed by previous Street fruitcakes and see how many boxes loopy Kirsty ticks…
Corrie Psycho Rule Number One: Develop an inexpicably over the top obsession in a somewhat bland love interest. Let’s face it, despite his adorable, teddy bear-esque nature, Tyrone is no oil painting. He’s not really even a Crayola Wax crayon scrawl. Sure, there are many women who would love to give him a hug and tell him that there is someone out there for him, but not many would be willing to actually BE that woman. Well, Kirsty isn’t just being that woman, she’s excelling to the point where she wants to spend 24 hours of each and every day in his company. Maria and Molly couldn’t even cope with evenings in front of the box with him! So is Kirsty besotted and sees a side in the bumbling mechanic that no one else does or is she several tangerines short of a fruit basket? I would suggest that it was a little from Column A and a little from Column B but she is by no means the first Corrie villain to find herself becoming deranged for a very surprising suitor. Weird Irish nanny Carmel Finnigan developed a bond for a character so boring that the actor who was axed is now famous for making cheese. She fantasised a relationship that wasn’t there and was prepared to take Gail’s side of the marital bed. I’m sure the female readers could think of many more interesting men to lose their sanity over than Martin Platt. And Gail herself isn’t exactly the catch of the century. Aside from being the Street’s black widow, she is interfering and irritating to boot, but that didn’t stop suave Richard Hillman building up a body count for her.
Corrie Psycho Rule Number Two: Have a very respectable and trustworthy occupation. Don Brennan aside, Corrie fruit loops have held such respectable positions such as solicitors, factory owners and property developers so it’s really no surprise that the first long term character since Curly’s wife Emma to be an officer of the law has to be nuttier than squirrel excrement.
Corrie Psycho Rule Number Three: Have an aversion to pensioners. The moment that Kirsty seemed at ease with allowing poor Rita Sullivan to lose her driving licence as part of her campaign against Tina McIntryre should really have set alarm bells ringing. Richard Hillman waged a one man rampage against OAPs by clobbering Emily Bishop over the head with a crowbar and also set fire to the house of Audrey Roberts. And Joy Fishwick didn’t last long around John Stape, who went on to lock the parents of Charlotte Hoyle in a cellar.
Corrie Psycho Rule Number Four: Have a nemesis whom no one will listen to. Tina has said from word go that Kirsty was a wrong un but Tyrone refuses to listen. He is not the first one to turn a blind eye to the psychotic antics which should really be blindingly obvious, despite warnings. Both Norris Cole and Audrey Roberts had Richard Hillman’s card marked, but Gail didn’t really clock anything was amiss until she was gagged and driven into a canal. Sunita Parekh warned Dev Alahan that his manic solicitor girlfriend Maya Sharma was a corner shop short of a tin of peas…he didn’t even realise when she was throwing these tins at him. It took seven fake marriages and seven explosions before Dev thought it might be a bad idea to leave Sunita home alone. He ignored this however and she was taken hostage anyway. And Chesney Brown was regularly warning Fiz Stape against her hapless husband John. Not even Rosie, who had been held hostage by the former teacher, could persuade Fiz that there was something not right about her serial killer hubby.
Corrie Psycho Rule Number Five: Take a close look at Kirsty’s eye next time she’s on screen. Awfully close to Tony Gordon’s wouldn’t you say?
If Kirsty is not the latest in a long line of psychopaths to walk the cobbles, then I‘ll eat my fruitcake.
Posted by Our Man In The North