The X Factor: Movie Week

Ohhh, Movie Week. In lots of ways, X Factor is kinda like a film. Maybe Ben Hur or summat. One of those super-long films you start watching and half way through you start looking for the exits and sizing up the risk of death if you were to jump out the window. This season is dragging, right? It’s not just me. At least in Movie Week the rules are pretty simple and the theme can’t really be put through some sort of “artistic” interpretation by the judges.

The British Buble

I’m sorry, did Craig HACTUALLY film a faux dream sequence with a straight face? The clips before the singing are getting weirder and weirder. A bus stop dream sequence – really?? Craig did his usual thing and sang well, but was a bit boring.  I think we all need to come to terms with the fact that he’s going to be the British Buble and leave it at that. He managed to sing Licence To Thrill and thrilled no one. Awks. This is probably why he got the boot after a painful sing-off with Amelia. The judges took it to deadlock but he must have known he was going, as he was pretty much crying from the moment it was announced he wasn’t going straight through to next week.

Janet took a risk and performed with five trees on stage and yes, every single one of them had more charisma than her. This whole, “I’m so different, it’s so hard for me to be pop” thing is getting on my last nerve. She isn’t that different. I could go on a quick walk down Camden high street and trip over at least 13 girls who want to be breathy, singer-songwriter types. This week she sang Kiss Me and did okay. I wasn’t moved at all. It sounded pretty much like the original to me.

Amelia Lily, the comeback kid, the people’s champion, the underdog. Well, she’s behaving like a wronged woman, isn’t she?  Saturday’s performance was all “look at me now, bitch!” and she was a little bit brilliant. I’m not sure she’s always in tune, but she just comes across really well and always banks a good performance. Tulisa said she’d never heard her song. Yeah, a judge on a music show said she’d never heard a massively popular song by Ms Aretha. God give me strength. I can allow her to piss about with themes, but saying she’s never heard Think? Good grief.  

Misha B looked amaze. Gurrl was WERKING that dress. Her vocal was flawless and she totally stepped up and had a good crack at a Whitney number. In some ridiculous attempt to make the public like her and get over the bullying allegations, we had to watch her and Kelly crying in the pre stage video. This was totally unnecessary and felt a bit gratuitous. They just need to let Misha be Misha – we need her back to her Charles and Eddie greatness. We also need her crazy hair back. It rocks my soul that every year the X Factor stylists feel the need to “normalise” the look of the black contestants. It happened to Rachel Adedeji and it seems to be happening to Misha. It’s not on.

HOLLER. We have a winner. Little Mix took an En Vogue classic and kicked it in the face. I particularly enjoyed the bits near the end where the music cut out so we could hear them rock a harmony. I haven’t seen a girl band do that since Fierce (remember them?) at Party In The Park ‘99. Seriously, Little Mix went in hard this week. They just need to seal the deal with a banging performance next week and the win is theirs. I’d really like it if they could move in time to the music and in time with each other, but I’m just picky like that. Oh yeah, Furby watch. Yep, she was in trousers. No reflective panel this time though.

Advertising rates for left arm on request

Lord knows I love a choir. Marcus and his full-on gospel performance brought me nothing but joy. His vocal was definitely stronger this week and he attacked the song like someone who wants to win. I am getting a tad tired of this Little Richard thing, though. Surely even he stood still sometimes and let us hear his vocal. I just don’t want people to think that all Marcus does is run about. We need to remember how great his voice is. He can have all the horns he wants. I’d just like to hear him sing a bit.

Next week is set to be full of drama. I for one can’t wait to see if Tulisa will be allowed to flash us her “trademark” arm salute. Seriously, that’ll probably be the highlight of the show. Anticipating if one of the judges will be carted off stage by OFCOM sure beats anticipating what song Janet will whimper through on Saturday.

Posted by Sabrina Francis          (more X Factor here)

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