I’ve just been watching last night’s Coronation Street, and Schmeichel the dog is apparently terminally ill. “Heartbreaking,” says The Mirror. “Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!” says the Coronation Street Blog. “Great Danes do not live forever,” says a Corrie spokesperson. The hard-hearted realist.
Unfortunately, I am left cold by this news. Why? Well, mainly because dogs can’t act. The current Schmeichel (there have been four of them) is highly trained, but rather like the child who used to play Our Amy before the current Our Amy, the dog is always looking off camera and at its owner/trainer who is presumably crouching a short distance away. Maybe if Chesney wore contact lenses made of choccy doggy treats, the dog would gaze into his eyes and we’d have a scene to make the death of Bambi’s mother look like a top comedy moment.
In fact, if you’re worried you’ll be overcome with grief at the moment Chez waves his best friend off to the rainbow bridge, just let your mind conjure up the image of Sam Aston smearing Pedigree Chum on his eyelids in an effort to get Schmeichel to look at him.
That’s what I’m planning to do (the imagining, not the actual smearing), because I’m not as hard as I pretend.
Posted by PLA (more Corrie posts here)