Strictly Come Dancing: Goodness, gracious, great balls of glitter

My crystal balls are in my pants

It’s bad news when someone mentions something daft and YOU CAN’T GET IT OUT OF YOUR HEAD. I’m looking at you Mrs Our Man In The South. You and your comments about Russell Grant’s highly visible testicles. It was fine before. It had never crossed my mind to look ‘down there’. And bless him, but Russell’s not a man whose physique your eye is normally drawn to. Not like Harry Judd. But once you know, you just can’t look anywhere else. I’m not sure if it’s the clingy fabric of the costume, or if he should be wearing rather more supportive underwear. A ‘cup’ of some sort? I dunno. I’m not an expert. I know a bit about the use of heavily engineered, built-in bras in the women’s costumes to keep their modesty intact (despite Chelsee’s anxieties last week, the engineering held, it all worked fine – nothing was seen). But frankly I’m at sea when it comes to keeping male genitalia in its proper place in dancewear.

Actually, the woman I blame first and foremost for the downhill slide into silliness in the testicular region is Sue Perkins. She was tweeting about the up-coming appearance of a squirrel with monumentally vast bollocks prior to the final show in the Great British Bake-off series. I now can’t even remember who won the bloody thing, nor anything they cooked in the show. All that hard work and you’re upstaged by a well-endowed rodent. Must be sickening.

Nut job

Anyhoo. Back to Strictly, this time with blinkers on. Len Goodman was absent, and in his place was Dirty Dancing star (and winner of the equivalent of Strictly in the US) Jennifer Grey. She seemed a delightful woman, but prone to weirdly overhigh scores, and Len’s authoritative, sensible, well-informed presence was missed I felt. I wanted, and not for the first time, to take a fire extinguisher to the stupidly over excitable Bruno Tonioli. Or a tranquilliser dart.

Not such a dog

I’ve learnt this week, by the by, that Robbie Savage is far from being a notorious football thug. Very fit, highly respected player it turns out, who was given a hard time for being so concerned about his appearance. I was misled by his name it seems. Anyway, I mention this because I am actually rather fond of him as a dancer and I hope he does well. Ok he’s got ridiculously whitened teeth and spends a lot of time faffing with his hair. But he’s got a body that’s rather more worth ogling than Russell’s, yet he’s been with his wife for years, and he’s very respectful of Ola. Plus it seems he owns a cute boxer dog.

All that glisters is not balls

As for the rest of the show –  I’m not a huge Holly fan, but I love Artem, and their jive was a wonderful thing. In the appallingly gender stereotyped world of dancing, I loved that they wore identical pinstriped suits and spats. No high-heeled shoes. That’s a motto I’d like to see enacted more on this show. No stupid shoes for women. No costumes that flash pants for no good reason. No histrionic judges. No casual homophobia by male presenters. And no Stepford Wife outfits/gurning/thigh flashing twirling by the female hosts either.

Harry danced brilliantly I thought, though I’m not a huge Aliona fan. Audley did well, but he might be leaving this week I fear. Possibly also true of Lulu. Chelsee – lovely. Anita, always good. Jason, sleek and slick and cold of eye as ever. Russell, well I just had to avert my eyes. Flavia always a joy to watch so it was no sacrifice.

I was told today that the “Sunday” show is actually filmed straight after the Saturday show. Makes sense doesn’t it? I don’t watch it anyway. It’s a boring filler of a show. Every It Takes Two is vastly more interesting. But it does mean all those involved must already know who goes “tonight”.

Posted by Inkface


Filed under Strictly Come Dancing

7 responses to “Strictly Come Dancing: Goodness, gracious, great balls of glitter

  1. Velocity Girl

    Excellent stuff as always, Lady Ink of the Face.

    Didn’t watch as I was busy eating something which in retrospect may have mildly poisoned me. Gah. However, my Highly Scientific prediction for the order in which the maintaining contestants will leave is as follows:

    Time will tell!

    • inkface

      Thank you very much. And shame on me for missing Alex out. She’s doing brilliantly and I like her very much too. Hope she does well.

  2. Qwerty

    Hilarious, and I haven’t even been watching. Now if I start everyone will think it’s because I want to stare at Russell Grant’s undercarriage.

  3. Jen

    That squirrel pic is enormously (I use the adjective advisedly) disturbing. Dammit, I shall now be unable to resist sneaking a peek at Russell’s nether regions. This is sadly highly unlikely to enhance my viewing pleasure. Curses.

  4. inkface

    Qwerty, I’m really not sure anyone would think the worse of you, or even notice your gaze.

    And I’m sorry Jen, I wish I could erase the thought from my head too…