Waterloo Road: The Jeremy Kyle holding pen

(Series 7, Ep.16) Finn Sharkey has managed to put his heartbreak over losing Sam to one side. After a short wobble when grief made him steal cars and drive them round the playground, he’s back on the dating scene with a spring in his step. Sadly his choice of new girlfriend is Trudi Siddiqui. While it’s true she’s beautiful and smart, she has one big drawback. Her brother is a nutter. He’s also the only prefect in the school, but that’s Michael Byrne’s idea of giving the lad responsibility. Does this make Tariq Siddiqui the head boy by default?

For a while, a nice little bromance was brewing between Tariq and Finn, but this only held for as long as Tariq remained blissfully ignorant about Finn’s designs on his sister. They even went out together to do a spot of revenge beating up of some lads who’d stolen Madi Diamond’s phone. En route to the beating up (Tariq knows jiu jitsu, you know. Like Keanu Reeves in The Matrix, only Keanu didn’t learn it in a Young Offenders Institute) Tariq admitted that Her Majesty’s Pleasure hadn’t been all that pleasurable. Finn already knew this, as Trudi had told him Tariq spent most of his sentence crying down the phone to his mum.  

You just knew it would be about five minutes before that news got out (Ronan Burley, I’m disappointed in you), along with the news about Trudi and Finn, and Finn ended up on the wrong end of a spot of jiu jitsu himself.

Grantly observed at the beginning of the episode that the school playground was like “the Jeremy Kyle holding pen.” He had a point, you know. As well as all these muggings and beatings, we had Emily James (who’s gone bad following her sister’s imprisonment for killing their dad for sexually abusing her) picking up an older boy so she could snog him and nick his wallet at break time. She was only trying to cheer up Scout, who was convinced that Phoenix had another girlfriend because he kept looking at his phone. A nice bar of chocolate would have been a simpler plan.

Phoenix, whose only interesting features are his name and his hair, because he’s otherwise the very definition of bland, wasn’t texting another girl. Of course he wasn’t. He was looking at the video of head teacher Michael Byrne wielding a stick in the general direction of the bloke who stabbed him, who got run over seconds later. Poor Michael Byrne. He was convinced he was going to be arrested, then the car driver turned out to have been drunk so it looked like he was going to get blamed – but then this inconvenient little video was emailed to him. As a consolation, it looks like Sian Diamond is, implausibly, finding him irresistible. I know her husband has Botox and is a useless lump, but would a fabulous woman like that really look twice at weasel-faced Byrne? When there’s Tom Clarkson wandering around aimlessly with his big blue eyes and his animal magnetism?

And, talking of animals, there was a silly sub plot involving Linda Radleigh’s lost rabbit.

Posted by PLA          (more Waterloo Road here)

14 Comments

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14 responses to “Waterloo Road: The Jeremy Kyle holding pen

  1. WaterlooVamps

    i was starting to like Em, but she’s ‘orrible now! You’re right, but the bunny was cute! Poor Trudi, can’t her brother just accept that she’s seventeen or whatever, she’s allowed to date!

  2. Nikki

    The rabbit had the performance of the evening, imo. Stole the show!

    Aside from a quick scene with a rather glamorous Donna doing some schoolnurse!nursing … I dont know her name in this so she’ll be referred to as Donna still from here on out PLA. Sorry.

  3. .::Big.Bang::.

    Byrne looks like a lizard. Phoenix can walk off into the sunset with FLNT. Emily and Linda should piss off to Psychopaths United.

  4. remotecontrolled

    Series is getting slightly better but I do agree that all this love for Byrne is driving me crazy. Yet to see him smile, be vaguely attractive or finally get out of that huff he’s been in the entire time. Get Donna (I don’t even watch Holby and I’m calling her it because of you lot now) into one of the more interesting series gone by. Also finding it very hard to like any of the kids at the moment (bar Ronan, Josh and Lauren, the latter two are not featuring in it nearly enough), Pheonix’s hair drives me mad (“I wish I could just drag a home through that hair!” as my Nan comments every episode) and don’t get me started on Emily James.

    Surprised you missed out on the opportunity to comment on Scout as a currurr PLA! One good thing about this ep though, thank God we’ve had a break from Vicki and her endless cob on.

    Still – liking that they had a bit of mystery back!

  5. BigBossyBoots

    There’s general disillusion with this latest series in our household, too!
    The main elephant in the room is the fact that Trudi and Tariq are Muslims, and that this might just possibly be a reason why Tariq ain’t too happy that his sister is going out with a non-Muslim. Very strangely, Finn hasn’t asked Trudi why Tariq is so against them, nor does he seem to be at all interested in his girlfriend’s faith, headwear, or preference for coconut juice over cheap cider. As our teen said, ‘What’s the point of doing this story if they don’t explain anything about it?’ So instead of tackling culturally sensitive issues with intelligence (something that WR can do brilliantly) we just have a pair of 2D sibling stereotypes, which is a shame as both Trudi and Tariq are potentially great.
    With regards to the sperm-donor story, this further underlines the fact that all the WR researchers seemed to get the axe at the end of the last series. Why on earth are Matt and Rosie going to a clinic? Neither of them seems to have an infertility problem! Artificial Insemination needn’t be IVF, and everyone we know uses DIY. Surely Matt, as an out gay man, would have looked up some info on the Stonewall website, and Rosie would realise that you have to introduce the sperm to the egg at the moment of peak fertility, not whenever the clinic had a free appointment?
    As for Josh, perhaps in sympathy with the inexplicable disappearance of Lauren’s platonic ‘other half’ (Amy), and everything that was fun about Finn (stealing cars/taking drugs/vandalising art galleries and persecuting the deputy head), he has simply taken to moping around on the common room sofa with his best ‘hag’ looking at magazines of semi-naked men (blink and you miss it).
    Grrr.

  6. WaterlooVamps

    I saw Strictly and in Chelsee’s VT Janeece was getting MARRIED to Chalky!!!!!!!!! Wow.

  7. Carla

    Why is everyone giving micheal a hard time? I think he’s a nice guy! He’s a darn sight better than Jez!

  8. BigBossyBoots

    I thought that maybe Ruby had sneaked off with Cheryl a couple of series ago, and that Janeece was just too preoccupied with everyone else’s photocopying to notice…

  9. Gwen

    I confess that I like Sian and Michael. I even “awww” when they kissed. Yeah, Michael is a bit of a bastard, but I can see why she is attracted to him. He has got that serious idealism about teaching thing going. It is quite appealing.

  10. WaterlooVamps

    Ah, yes I forgot about little Cheryl, it would be cute but she’s about nineteen and he’s about thirty.

  11. Nellie

    I still like Emily

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