The X Factor: Hate some, like two, feel sorry for the rest

(Week 2) Its official: this is the worst X Factor year ever. What? It’s not official? Well, it ought to be. This year’s crop of wannabes needs to up their game if they hope to hold our attention till Christmas. I think the problem is that it feels like we haven’t had a chance to emotionally invest in the acts.  So many of the faces at judges’ houses were new to me that I didn’t give a toss if they got to the lives or not, and then there’s the bands that have been  stitched together like some sort of five headed Frankenstein’s monster. They barely know or care about each other, so why should we care about them?

Usually at this stage in the game I’m indifferent about most of the contestants and love one or two. This year I hate some of them, feel sorry for the others and only like two.

The Groups

Wowzers, I wasn’t expecting Rhythmix to rock out the bashment/Notting  Hill Carnival version of I’m Like A Bird. As an ethnic, usually I only get to hear these versions in black hairdressers or takeaways. The girls did it justice and managed to sing well enough to distract us from their hideous styling. It was like a graffiti fight had taken place in H&M and the girls had to wear the outcome. I still don’t know any of their names but I think they’ll do well this year, as the other groups feel a bit dated.  Their vocals aren’t even that strong but as they seem like nice girls, I hope they survive for a while.

NuVibe.  Poor babies. They sang as if they knew they didn’t deserve to be there. Their version of With Or Without You was kinda off. I think there were about four notes that didn’t sound horrendous. The boys should have known they were on borrowed time as they had the death spot and even Louis didn’t like them.

The Risk had moments where they sounded half decent and then others where they really didn’t. Luckily for them there’s no value in Syco splitting the boy band vote AND NuVibe were rubbish, so The Risk lived to sing another day. Regardless of their voices, their performance upset me for two reasons. One: they sang Bruno Mars and I feel like that man is plaguing my life. He is everywhere. Two: They were perched on chairs and didn’t do the stand up at the key change thing we’ve all come to expect. Proper shoddy work.  

The Overs

Sami belted out the love song we all knew she’d do and she did it in her typical Sami style. All puffed out chest and wide mouthed singing. I just wonder when they’ll give her something a bit unexpected and with a bit more oomph. We’ll never see her as more than a pub singer if they don’t sort her out. The arrangement of I Will Always Love You she sang was a bit clunky and hopped from opening verse to crescendo too quickly for my liking. The camera crew were also super mean to Sami and kept filming her from below, making the poor woman look like the Tardis, all boxy and blue.

Let’s not muck about, little Kylie is a show woman of the highest order and has knocked out a good tune or two but her vocal isn’t that good. Somehow Johnny managed to do a full Asian inspired performance of Can’t Get You Out Of My Head and do it alright. Some of his singing was definitely better that the little Aussie popstrel. I would like to see him just stand and sing though. The funny stuff can only go on for so long.

Kitty needs to realise that if she was just a tiny bit humble people wouldn’t hate her as much. She does herself absolutely no favours. As a member of the audience I feel confused, because her opening  VTs make me want to kick her in the chuff and then she comes out and sings quite well. Her Bjork was actually quite good. Maybe all the arrogant stuff is an act. No one can lack that much self-awareness, can they?

The Boys

Ahh, Craig. He gave me jokes. He sang Beyoncé and gave it full on swagger with ghetto gun fingers and I’ve-been-dumped face. That boy was definitely singing to someone. Not sure many people would sing Beyoncé in front of one her besties, but Craig did and it wasn’t all bad. I like him when he’s singing at full pelt. The high end of his range grates on me a bit.

Bleedin’ Frankie, the boy so annoying he makes me want to remove my own womb with a spoon so I can never have a kid like him. As expected he huffed, puffed and whispered his way through a song rather than, you know, actually singing. Surely he can’t be allowed to carry on like this. At some point he’s going to have to sing actual words with vowels and consonants. When he does try to push himself and sing a bit it’s all tuneless and strained. Not good. I figure the lure of the teenage pound is just too much and we’ll be manipulated into sticking with him for a while as other people get voted off.

Marcus was in grave danger of being overstaged by the semi naked dry humping that was going on around him. It made sense though. He was singing Rihanna and we all know what a filth bag she is. I feel sorry for Marcus. He always ends his songs well but seems like a rabbit in the headlights in the beginning. If he could get his nerves in check he’d be amazing. I really liked his performance from about 20 seconds in.

The Girls

Janet is just going to bore me, isn’t she?  She reminds me of that little scraggy kid in school that can sing a bit so gets wheeled out at every play. I just want her to have some spunk. I know she has got in her because for all of her talk of having no confidence she is on a national singing competition so can’t be that much of a shrinking violet. She was good, if you like breathy, whispery girls. If you don’t, you would have hated it.

Misha B. Holler! The outfit, the production, the song choice. OH MY!  I think they real reason I loved her performance is that I’m pretty sure the whole nation shouted the words “Charles and Eddie!” at exactly the same time when she hit the chorus. I don’t know how she did it but she managed to make a pretty uncool song, which was written by the dad of one of my school mates FYI, cool again.

Sophie, Sophie, Sophie. I know she’s got more flavour than they’re letting her show.  She’s too young to be wearing such grim clothes and singing all these slow, whingy versions of songs. I really want to like her but she doesn’t make it easy. Her performance this week was a bit forgettable.

This Saturday should be exciting as they’ve added in a bit of drama by changing the weeks theme at the last minute. Am I evil for hooping that someone forgets their words or accidentally sings their previous song choice?

Posted by Sabrina Francis          (more X Factor here)


Filed under X Factor

2 responses to “The X Factor: Hate some, like two, feel sorry for the rest

  1. WaterlooVamps

    Janet rox!

  2. helen

    i am sure that rancid frankie has nits – he kept scratching that dead animal on his head last week