So let’s put things right before she notices.
You want something blowing up? Fiona’s your woman. You want someone shooting? Make sure Fi’s number is in your cellphone. You need a babysitter? Wait, don’t go – she can even charm small boys. (Fi: [playing with plastic army men with wide-eyed boy] “Hmm, my guy has an M2 Browning 50 caliber. It’s a belt-fed weapon, so it’s big and hard to hide, but it’s got good range though. So I think he would shoot from up here. Let me see your guy. Okay, your guy has a Mark 2 Pineapple Fragmentation grenade. Short range. So he needs a really, really good hiding place. [looking all around] In the flower pot. Let’s see if we can get you some more tactical support. [dumps rest of toys on floor]”)
She loves Michael fiercely and woe betide anyone who threatens to harm him. There’s pretty much nothing she wouldn’t do for him – and if it involves making things go BOOM! that just adds to the fun. Barely an episode goes by without Michael or Sam scolding her for making her explosions a little too big. (Michael: “Fiona, you were supposed to stop the car, not blow it into the Everglades! What happened to shorting the ignition?” Fi: “You said disable; it’s not going anywhere.” Or this – Fi: [setting up C4 in a boat] “You want this big, right?” Michael: “Just enough for the boat, Fi. Try not to break all the windows in South Beach.”)
She’s a woman who will taser herself as well as the man she’s wrangling if it’s the only way to bring him in. And then, when asked if she’s okay, say “Everyone could use a few thousand volts from time to time. It clears the mind.”
If you haven’t already got the picture, perhaps this line sums up her up as well as anything can: “Well, in my experience, if something is too good to be true, it’s best to shoot it. Just in case.”
The world is a better place for having Fi in it. Well, a better and slightly singed place anyway.
Posted by Jo the Hat