Everyone was in need of counselling this week. A freelance Mississippi therapist could have strolled in and made a killing. Not literally, of course; that they can leave to Russell.
Candidates for couples counselling:
1. Sookie & Bill. So cute watching them drive along, imagining their wonderful life when ‘all this is over’. Bless them that they think it’s going to be over any time soon: series four’s already in the pipeline and I’m going to go out on a limb here and predict that it won’t have domestic bliss as a major storyline. Funnily enough, the exact moment they swore to a fresh start, their car was upended by Eric and Russell, and just minutes later Bill had agreed they could drain Sookie dry in order to ‘day walk’ – every vampire’s dream, according to Russell. Though why we should believe anything said by a man who carries his lover’s entrails around in a jar is beyond me. Anyway, nought out of ten for Bill’s contribution to this so-called ‘fresh start’.
2. Tara & Sam. A drunk mean Sam scared everyone away except Tara, who doesn’t need drink in order to be mean. They were shagging before you could say hey guys, remember it wasn’t such a good idea last time, before you both went round the twist. As Tara had spent the earlier part of the evening sobbing dementedly at Eggs’ grave and blackmailing Andy this rounded off her night nicely.
3. Hoyt & Summer. Though they’re not really a couple anymore, a fact mourned by Maxine Fortenberry, one of my favourite characters. Summer was mainly upset that Hoyt hadn’t been seduced by her best bra.
4. Hoyt & Jessica. They’re made for each other, apart from him being a complete square and her being a blood-sucking wild child. Still, opposites and all that. Hoyt decided to cleanse Jess of her sins by suggesting she feed on him, an offer she didn’t need to hear twice.
5. Arlene & Terry. They’re getting on fine apart from Arlene’s secret need to get rid of her baby. Terry is so adorable, whether he’s crying or being dignified in the face of Sam’s mean outbursts. Terry is the only grown-up man in the entire town. Shame he’s so traumatised.
6. Crystal & Jason. Their dull relationship continued dully, which you wouldn’t think possible as one of them is a panther. ‘So you turn into a panther,’ said Jase unnecessarily, ‘That ain’t so bad.’ Leaves me intrigued as to what would be so bad. Turning into a slug I guess. Or Kitch Maynard.
7. Lafayette & Jesus. This roller-coaster romance continued with Jesus becoming one of those boring people who just want to take drugs all day. Lafayette was about to agree when he had a sudden vision of Jesus with a scary dragon-type head on and lost his enthusiasm.
Candidates for family therapy:
1. Sam & Tommy. For the first time I felt sorry for Tommy. He looked so young and vulnerable when Sam told him to pack his bags. I’m sure I won’t feel sorry for him for long though. He’s trouble with a capital f.
2. Eric & Pam. He wants to be noble and sacrifice himself to rid the world of Russell. She’d rather he threw Sookie to the wolves (and I mean, literally to the wolves).
People not in need of therapy:
Whoever wrote the final sequence. It was sublime. How clever of the programme-makers to realise that of course, the outside of Fangtasia would be trashed with graffiti of the ‘fuck off fang-bangers’ variety. This attention to detail is just one reason among many to be gutted that we’re almost at the last episode. What on earth can I watch after it’s finished? It’s going to be difficult to get into ‘Come Dine With Me’ after all these weeks of ‘Come Dine On Me’.
The Fangtasia sequence began with an exciting fight between Pam and Bill; then Yvetta overpowered Pam; then Eric and Bill went man-o-mano which was staged but nonetheless splendid; then all the main protagonists sat round a table arguing about how best to slurp Sookie’s fairy blood. It was wonderful, tension-building stuff; but the final scenes were incredibly beautiful and moving. Pam and Russell watched the CCTV images of Eric walking into daylight outside Fangtasia. Both observers cried, for their separate reasons, as Eric stretched his arms towards the sun he had not seen for a thousand years. Then a close-up of Eric, starting to smoulder, whispering, ‘don’t let them see.’ Russell, stepping out into the light, shading his eyes and gasping at the glory of it. And Eric, his face puckered and burned, turning and capturing Russell with silver handcuffs and saying, ‘Be brave. We’ll die together.’ Who’d have though Eric would sacrifice himself? It was a relief that unlike Pam I don’t cry blood, for my t-shirt would have been a right old mess, and I would have needed bereavement counselling forthwith.
Posted by Qwerty