Four in a Bed: Bare knuckle pillow fights

This is a new variant on Three in a Bed, a show where B&B owners go visit each other and reveal themselves to be throughly unpleasant individuals, which I wrote about variously here and here.

I pointed out that, although there are some good people running terrific bed and breakfasts in existence, there are also a bunch of psychologically not- right folk being proudly passive-aggressive towards their guests over poached eggs and laminated ‘Notices’ telling you where to put your shower curtain.

I also said that the voting system in the programme was hugely unfair, because couples going first and second saw how the others scored. It also needed an amusing, wry voiceover à la Dave Lamb.

I should be a telly consultant. Or perhaps not. Because Channel Four have now brought out the weeknightly Four in a Bed at the 5.30pm slot, which as you may have guessed, includes an extra couple. There is also a different, slightly fairer, voting system and a better voiceover. And it’s still a bloody nightmare. The lot on this week are shockers. Sniffing drains. Horribly, unpleasantly competitive. Endless whinging about the temperature of plates, the state of the eggs, sugar on raspberries, the list goes on and on.

Message to you stupid people: you can run your own guesthouses any way you like, and customers can choose to return or not. That’s capitalism in action. But if you go to someone else’s place, have some bloody manners, be a little gracious, behave with decency, humility and the emotional intelligence of a creature higher on the evolutionary scale than a slug.

And hosting B&B owners – your guests will sometimes *be* nitpicking fools. Ignore them politely and they will be gone soon. No need for such puerile bad manners.

Why any of these people put themselves in front of cameras to reveal themselves to be such nasty, bitchy, manipulative rotters I cannot imagine. Gobsmacking lack of self-awareness? Vastly inflated and delusional self belief? The only person I actually warmed to was Lou, partner of Paul, whose bed and breakfast is in Bridlington.

But no one watches these shows to rate B&Bs you say, and you may be right. If you enjoy watching humanity at its shallow worst, this is the programme for you.

It’s hotels or camping for me from now on. I dare not risk running into any of this lot.

Posted by Inkface


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5 responses to “Four in a Bed: Bare knuckle pillow fights

  1. pauseliveaction

    No-one is really coming out of this show very well, are they? Frankly it’s a poor substitute for Celebrity Coach Trip.

    It really does need Dave Lamb or Robert Webb or someone who can put a bit of humour into the proceedings. Could also do with being better edited so we don’t see the same clips over and over again.

  2. inkface

    I bloody missed Celebrity Coach Trip. Was a fool, sounded much more fun

  3. Qwerty

    I hope you get some financial recompense for them nicking your programme idea, Inky.

  4. Taffy O'Lait

    You are assuming that this is “fly-on-wall” camera shots, it is not. The whole thing is orchestrated to wind up teatime mums and geriatrics. Some of the owners are really ghastly, like that wannabe Kenneth Williams with his S&M themed cabaret, but most are just caught out by careful edits.

  5. inkface

    I’m not assuming that really. I’m sure you’re right about the edits and being cut provocatively, but unless the people on the show are spectacularly stupid and/or have never watched these sorts of shows before, these words are coming out of their mouths demonstrate that these are not people whose houses I want to stay in. The veneer of civilisation may be more intact usually when they front their establishments, but underneath, they *are* that judgemental.